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This is a question Nightclubs

Thinly-disguised entrances to Hell where bad things happen. Tell us your dancefloor disasters.

(, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 12:35)
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This was the closest I was gonna get to a full blown Roman orgy, so I was fucking excited.

Loads of women dressed in skimpy white t-shirts and shorts. Foam. So much foam it looked as if God almighty had just performed his best beardy-sex-grimace and let fly a holy load of godly cock goo across the dancefloor.

It was fucking ace.

Only, in my enthusiasm, I'd forgotten that there would be those pesky, annoying, irritating muthafuckers called 'other blokes' at this place.

The bastards.

I recall standing at the side of the dancefloor like a dog with two dicks, my eyes on full perv-alert as I scanned the writhing mass of arms and legs and heads in the foam, desperate for a glimpse of wet t-shirted nipple or, possibly, some waxed growler action.

My mate Greg approached me: "Fuckinell, Spanky! See that bird over there?" I look, and indeed do see a bird over there, she's standing with her arms propped up on a handy plinth on the outskirts of the foamy action. Her head seems to lol a bit. Although her lower torso and legs are hidden under the bubbling foam I can see that she is obviously enjoying... something. Greg continutes: "Sniff that!" And he jabs four, count them FOUR, fingers under my nose. Ahh, the fine bouqet and rich aroma of a lovely hot vag. "She's just standing there, pissed as a cunt, letting anyone use her as a fucking meat finger puppet!"


I watch the girl a bit longer. She does appear to be enjoying something... And then I see a blokes head appear from the foam, rising from the space between this girls legs. He bellows like a mighty warrior at his mates and fucks off deeper into the foam to seek out another pissed up girly to add to his collection.

"Greg," I say solemnly. "I'm going in."

And I do.

I wade into the foam. Make a b-line for this lovely girly (well she was pug ugly, but that really didn't matter), and as I approached her I disappeared under the foam with all the grace and flair of an Olympic swimmer diving into the pool. Well, I slipped on an empty beer bottle and twatted my face on the floor. Underterred, I stalked my lovely girly, standing at the plinth, just waiting for my gentle, delicate, loving touch.

Now, this foam stuff is weird. For a start you can't breath under it. And secondly, you can't see a fucking thing.

I don't know if it was the minor beer-bottle-related concussion or the fact that all the blood had rushed to my cock and I was feeling a little light headed...

Deep under the foam I felt infront of me and my hands made contact with lovely smooth legs. The legs parted slightly and I felt a hand reach down and play through my hair.

Ohhhh, lovely...

My hands trailed up these lovely soft thighs. I was excited. Fuck the fingering. I'm going in for a full fucking cunt lapping.

The excitement building inside me, I continue to stoke these lovely soft thighs. I raise my head to crotch height and gently, delicately kiss...

...the tip of a bulging errection through an incredibly small and tight pair of shorts.

I shoot to my feet and the fella looks aghast. I look aghast. He looks at my long girly hair, I look down at his weirdly hairless legs.

And the girl I was aiming for, who's stood about five feet to my right, gives us the once over and returns to her Bacardi Breezer, waiting for the next stranger to hammer away drunkenly at her vertical pink canoe.

"Erm, sorry for that, mate," I say to the bloke who's bell end I've just snogged. He looks a bit shocked but before he can react I fuck off back to where my mate Greg's standing in safety near the bar.

"How was that?" he asks.

"Interesting..." I think for a beat. "Is it a bit gay if you kiss a man's cock?"

Greg just stares.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 10:46, 15 replies)
Hehehe, you really do
get yourself into some predicaments, don't you sir? *click*
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 11:14, closed)
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 11:15, closed)
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 11:16, closed)
Wonderful, just wonderful!
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 11:17, closed)
in many ways we're very different people, and most of them are apparent in the story above.

You still make me laugh like a simpleton, though.

Have yourself a click.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 11:37, closed)
I think I've clicked every one of your Stories I've read
they all make me do a little laugh wee
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 12:29, closed)
I think
we have a winner. That made me laugh and feel all icky inside. Truly demented.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 13:11, closed)
Incredibly LOL funny!
Thanks Mr Spanks!
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 13:23, closed)
I think I threw up a little just now.

Have a click!
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 15:36, closed)
Thanks Spanky!
That was the funniest tale I've read on here in ages. Clickity Click!
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 16:15, closed)
I haven't stopped giggling yet!
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 16:33, closed)
The last two lines really make it. Click click click.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 19:46, closed)
thank you :)
I just spent a few frantic seconds rummaging around inside my printer trying to remove the lit cig I just spat out.

clicks :)
(, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 21:41, closed)
You, sir, are a legend.
Arguably a third-leg-end (in the nicest possible way, of course), but a legend nonetheless.

A true masterpiece of anecdotary. I salute (& click) you sir.
(, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 13:01, closed)
I am proud....
...proud, I tell you, to be an official member of the Spanky fan club!


I am considering stalking you!
(, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:04, closed)

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