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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:39, 4 replies)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:39, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:39, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:39, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:39, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:38, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:38, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:38, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:38, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:37, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:37, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:37, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:37, Reply)

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( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:37, Reply)

I totally
did not kill six million jews, for the lulz.
(Avnas dosh!, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:18, 2 replies)

I have the utmost respect for
everyone who posts on this board.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 21:07, 2 replies)

Needless to say
I didn't have the last laugh.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 20:09, 1 reply)

Dar el Melton
I didn't drop 1/4 of a pork pie and the accompanying crumbs into the muslim gentleman that was sitting in front of me on the bus's hair.

Or giggle uncontrobably for 5 minutes, thinking of what names the muslim hell for people who come in contact with pork is.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 20:05, 3 replies)

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray, South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio.
Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television. North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe, Rosenbergs, H-bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom, Brando, "The King and I" and "The Catcher in the Rye". Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen, Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye.
I didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
I didn't start the fire
No I didn't light it
But I tried to fight it.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 19:58, Reply)

I have never..
.. written software designed to kill people..
( Signify, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 19:53, 6 replies)

i have never used my breasts to get attention
just to keep my knees warm.

i have never stolen some of my boss' chocolates when working at the weekend. and let him think it was the trainee.

i have never cried to get out of a parking ticket. or a speeding ticket.

i have never driven to the gym, which is not even 7 minutes away by foot.

i have never inadvertently smashed a careless toddler in the face with my make-up case and then secretly felt more concern for the designer contents of said bag (that kid had a head like a bullet) than for the child.

i have certainly never tripped in my killer heels when making my way along my row in the theatre and spilled diet coke down the back of the woman in the wheelchair.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 19:41, 11 replies)

I never did know wtf a "winnet" is
And why the hell blaireau69 keeps calling everyone it.....

He really is a cunt though. His responses make me laugh.

I never did make a post almost only to see him get all angry again.

Although, mostly, I really do want to know what a winnet is.....
( user_names_suck, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 19:02, 8 replies)

And while I'm at it,
I may as well put to rest the scurrilous rumours going around about what happened during my failed climb of lanarkshire's tallest hill. I had fallen behind my far fitter friend as he strode up the hill, and spent the time strolling along at a leisurely pace, admiring the wonderful scenery. This is the 100% truth, and it is a scandalous lie that my body (probably in a state of shock at the unexpected exercise) took a bout of horrified panic half way up which saw me quivering at the side of the track, trousers and pants about my ankles, shitting horrible yellow turds out onto the scenic landscape, then cleaning up the foul radioactive aftermath using a single hanky and scurrying back to the bottom of the hill.

It is unfortunate that every field on the way home had been recently fertilised and I had to adjourn immediately to the bathroom to deal with something entirely unrelated.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 18:42, Reply)

100% never happened.
Although it is true that, on occasion, I enjoy a few light beverages of the alcoholic sort, and it is also true that, upon staying at my ladyfriend's house for the first time, I had partaken in enough of these beverages to affect how well I could aim my winky at the toilet. It might also be true to say that, as my aim was a little wide of the mark, I may have tiddled directly onto the lino. All of this I shall admit to. I definitely did not, however, dab it up using the nice white egyptian cotton towel, then place it back on the towel rail folded nicely.

And as this absolutely did not happen, I also didn't jump bolt upright in bed with a horrified look on my face three days later as I remembered doing so.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 18:29, 1 reply)

I didn't do it
Waza-waza.
(McChinaman banned, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Mrs Entity inspired me
I have never used the self service till and weighed almost everything I've bought as onions and carrots. Neither have I scanned bottles of value water then bagged bottles of coke.
These tactics never resulted in me having a fillet steak dinner for pennies.

Edit: Feck me! Didn't think I'd get any response with such an unfunny effort. Seems like stealing (for that is basically what it is) from Tesco is a bit of a marmite moment. Yes it is wrong, but does the fact that it's from a company as big and "greedy" as Tesco mean you can condone it? Answers on a postcard, B3tans.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 11:08, 5 replies)

Bit of wood
My best mate bought an air pistol when we were kids, and much fun was had shooting all the crap we could find. My parents let us shoot old records, ornaments etc. It was brilliant.

One day my dad went to his shed but soon came stomping back inside the house brandishing a bit of wood. Apparently someone had snapped his 'paint stirring stick' in half. He was convinced we'd shot it to bits. I spent hours arguing that we didn't do it, that we had better things to be shooting than a mangy old bit of wood and that, well, it was only a bit of wood. He maintained his rigid stance, banging on about the principle of it. The arguments lasted for weeks.

20 years later, Dad... if you're reading this: I DIDN'T FUCKING SNAP YOUR PAINT STIRRING STICK, SO STOP MENTIONING IT.

Sorry for the lack of mind-blowing twist. I really didn't snap the fucking thing. It was probably my brother.
( chart cat has an itch, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 9:47, 8 replies)

When using the self scan check out
I never say that I have used 10 of my own bags for one pint of milk just to get the nectar points.
Neither do I select 'basics pineapple' on the look up fruit and veg bit when i'm actually buying a normal pineapple.

I really know how to live on the wild side.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 18 Sep 2011, 0:09, 10 replies)

Nor did I
hit(tap) my two year old son in the balls when he hit mine first. Nor did I laugh about it. He didn't laugh either. He also didn't yell "Ow, my balls Daddy!" and make my wife not yell at me.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Sat 17 Sep 2011, 23:03, 4 replies)

i didn't answer this question

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sat 17 Sep 2011, 23:03, 3 replies)