Stuff
I can:
- find North using a watch
- tell you which plant to dig under to find pig nuts (edible rooty things)
- hypnotise a chicken
- smelt lead from its ore
- fabricate a dowsing rod from a hazel switch and dowse for water
- make handles for jamjars from a single piece of string
- make a hat from a knotted handkerchief
- signal Morse code with a mirror
- build a fire and start it with a single match
- make a rabbit snare, skin a rabbit, pluck a pheasant

You may think these obsolete, but come the nuclear apocalypse who'll be the one surviving in a hidden welsh valley, eh, eh?
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 17:51, 24 replies)

can you drink your own piss?
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 18:01, closed)

Of course
Every weekend, as a special treat
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 18:11, closed)

can I try some please
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 18:16, closed)

I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's wife
And when everything is said and done it's a pheasant plucking life.
(Maclir, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 18:35, closed)

that is excellent
Are you sure you aren't some old grandad from a pre-war kid's book?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 18:42, closed)

Using
a watch??
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 18:54, closed)

It's not that hard.
Some watches have a rotating bezel for this purpose.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 19:15, closed)

But can you do it
with a digital watch?
( argyleblanket The man on the roof works for me, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 23:11, closed)

Yes, a watch
It's not hard.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 19:57, closed)

At night?

(kevins, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 1:56, closed)

Dead reckoning
Point the hour hand toward the sun. Halfway between that and noon is south.
( MatJ LOOK, Sun 3 Jul 2011, 12:34, closed)

You can't dowse for water.
Because, and forgive me if I resort to highly technical language here, it's a complete pile of old shite.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 19:05, closed)

This
may be true
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 19:56, closed)

And what the fuck would you want lead for?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 19:07, closed)

Bullets
If only I could remember how to make gunpowder
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 20:39, closed)

Find a volcano, a tree and some bird shit
Sulphur from the edge of the volcano
Burn down tree abd get charcoal
Bird droppings full of nitrate (in particular potassium nitrate)
Mix all three (leave the nitrate til last) carefully
Sadly can't remember the proportionsbut 2:3:10 rings a bell

Good luck
(toomanypies, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 23:09, closed)

And where the fuck would you buy matches after the apocalypse?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 19:07, closed)

Apart from that ... cool.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 19:07, closed)

Surely anyone with a smelting furnace and a supply of ore,
could smelt lead from it's ore. Or are you the Human Torch? I guess that would help when you were building a fire from a single match!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 19:14, closed)

And if he's in a valley in wales then why isn't he smelting something useful like copper or tin or iron?
I'm definitely not joining his tribe after the apocalypse.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 19:23, closed)

All the paperweights he could possibly want.
I'll join his tribe, just so I can sneer at your unweighted paper, blowing in the wind.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 19:26, closed)

well actually
it's surprisingly difficult as you have to have a reducing agent. And copper and iron have too high a melting point - you need to use bellows/blast furnace. Tin's probably possible but not much in Wales. And I don't want to live out the apocalypse in Cornwall
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 19:57, closed)

Cornwall will be ace after the apocalypse.
It'll still be beautiful but all the Cornish cunts will be dead.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 20:18, closed)

Looking at the locals
Cornwall's already been through the apocalypse
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Sat 2 Jul 2011, 11:11, closed)