YES!!
Finally *I* get to make a suggestion that the b3ta overlords like!

For I am Chickenlady!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 22:37, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A Moment to be Shared...
On the bus on the way back to work this lunchtime, listening to a few clarts* sitting behind me.

A: "So, you's managed to get a job then?"

B: "Noooo.... Had an interview this morning, like"

A: "Yeah"

B: "Had one of them 'Literacy and Lumisy' tests, didn't I"

Because, of course, that's what employers want. Chavs that can read, and glow in the dark...



*Consult your Goldie Lookin' Chain sleevenotes
(mellotron never could get the hang of Thursdays, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 20:28, Reply)

BOAT project
Well, since this BOAT shit I pooed out is still clinging on for dear life to my arse cheeks, why don't we all do something constructive with it?

This soon-to-be ultra cult was born through piggybacking on Off Topic. So continuing in that vein, I propose that the first BOAT Holiday will be...

December 25th.

That way all you need to do is change Christ to BOAT. No extra money to be spent, BOAT fully supports the erection of trees and decorations, and all Christmas songs can be easily edited.

Any BOATmas attempts/songs/cards/photos would be greatly appreciated by your fellow BOATists.
(GONEism, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 17:39, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening!


Come join us by the fire we have alcohol and boob hugs!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 17:38, 159 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

more
The first 25 editions of The Dandy featured a character called Ben who gave oral sex to donkeys.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 17:25, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Epic Rickroll

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 17:03, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Another
A little-known rule of the British Navy dating back to 1703 decrees that when the ship crosses the international dateline, everyone has to assemble on deck and perform a huge circle of wank onto the most junior hand on board
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 17:03, Reply)

Facts you say

During the reformation priests had false nipples installed behind which they could hide gold dobloons.

If a cow were pushed out of a submarine at sufficient depth it would instantly be crushed into marmite.

The moon is one of God's discarded hemaroids.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 17:01, Reply)

It was a good place to be (better believe it)
especially during happy hour (again)

No, the Grafton!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 16:46, Reply)

Just thought
Should I finish and publish the book of made up facts, I couldn't pay you all royalties if any on here are included (not least because of the calculations and logistics needed).

However, there would be a huge "dedicated to and contribution from" page, so everyone gets a mention. Plus I think it would be only fair that B3ta would get a donation.

But, if there's anyone who can contribute big-time and produce 100s of them, then I think a proper commercial partnership would be in order.

edit: GAZ me if you can commit to such an undertaking.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 16:35, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Happy Thanksgiving
Don't forget to slaughter the natives after dinner!

I'm off to my friends for the annual deep fying of turkeys get together, and then coming back home and doing turkey, stuffing and all the trimmings just for me.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 16:23, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Boat?
Have I missed something? What's all this 'boat' business about?
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 16:21, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Factoid!
Forever hunting for somewhere to call home, the ex partners of Kerry Katonaaah have found solace by all sheltering together under a disused viaduct in Clapham. They have even managed to fashion a rudimentary rain cover using the discarded plastic covers from ‘Sarah Lee’ gateau’s.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 16:13, Reply)

I just posted a compo entry on the main board
and discovered I have no creative skills and lack hummus.

Have you ever discovered late on something you should have always known?
( Peej, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 16:05, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

This may not be as funny to others...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TzjJXQW458

And I'm not a huge fan of /links, so I'll stick this here!

This may not be as funny to those who don't know the lads involved, but I think it's funny as hell anyway!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 15:54, Reply)

Strange purchase
I just bought my housemate a bottle opener made from a real bambi hoof.

what do you own that is made from dead stuff?
(Reverend Samson Fapohunda B3tan, B3tan, B3tan, B3tan, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 15:23, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is this the kind of thing you're after, Maudlin McCann…?

Fact of the day.

African Bull elephants have such supple spines, that if they lay down on the ground on their sides, they would be able to curl up into a near-perfect ball…and then if they so wished, they could insert their trunks up their own arses.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 27 Nov 2008, 15:21, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

In response to a strange question from my mate
(what would your name be if you were german)

I asked what he would be called if he was a woman.

his reply: Snatcher McFlangerson

I had to leave my desk to stop myself crying with laughing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 15:05, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is anyone doing the Zahada riddle thing?
If so, has anyone any idea what the answer to Q26 is, because even the power of google to find hints and tips has not helped me at all.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 15:02, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

another
As a form of birth-control, the women of the Waki-Waki tribe of Papua New Guinea wank the men dry before commencing intercourse.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 14:57, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

while waiting for the QOTW change...
I like to play at anagrams... Because I'm a geek that way.

Aroused Yank's dick-fee - becomes- I fucked a donkey's arse.

Apostrophes and all.. :D
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 27 Nov 2008, 14:28, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Todays mood
Following Tuesdays blues, yesterdays little golden glow (as stated in replies), todays mood can be best be described as similar to ahving the love of your life bringing you a hot bowl of ready brek in bed on a cold morning.

Yup, I'm in a reet good mood today

*spreads happiness, offers beer to blokes, wine to ladies and cake for all*
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 12:54, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Potential book
I've been inventing a load of "Facts of the Day" for about 7 years now. I found the Word document with them all in and there's 800 of the fuckers.

After tinkering with the page-size and margins, it'd currently fill nearly 90 pages of a standard paperback book if I categorise them and include chapter headings and so on.

Another 800 more and I might see if I can get it published.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 12:23, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fact of the Day
In a recent poll, 85% of Americans thought it would be a good idea to drive right hand drive cars on the left hand side of the road ( as we do here in Britain).

The single biggest reason for this was that "It'd be a darned sight easier to fire handguns out of the driver's side window"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 12:16, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pah...
LAST??

*chortle*
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 27 Nov 2008, 11:22, Reply)

Attention /all B3tards…

If you’ll bear with me, I’d like to try something here…

I, like many of you, have been mourning the loss of the /all feature on QotW.

I don’t know how many of you knew about it, but it was a brilliant feature that sorted the QotW posts into the order of 'number of clicks received'. Just like the ‘Popular posts’ feature on the Image Challenge. It was fucking smart. Now it’s gone.

Chart Cat has replied to my post on the ‘bugs and features request’ thread stating that the removal of /all might just be a coding issue that was switched off when the new updates were installed recently, and was not switched on again.

However, what has left my cheese out in the wind, is not just the loss of /all, but the lack of explanation or proper response to calls for it’s return.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to think of a way to draw attention to this issue.

So I kinda got to thinking…I wonder if a sort of ‘off topic petition’ would work?

So here goes:

If you would like the /all feature returned – please ‘sign’ here by the way of a reply.

You don’t have to put a comment, a joke or anything. Just the word ‘yes’ will do.

1 each please – If you think of additional comments please edit your original reply. That way the number of replies to this thread can be a record of the ‘signatures’.

I am asking all B3tans as one. Let’s put our differences behind us and see if we can do something together. It will only take one person to fuck this up.

If you’re not interested in /all returning – don’t reply. It’s as simple as that. At least one way or another I can find out if I’m alone in wanting /all brought back.

Now, no doubt I haven’t thought this through properly and it will descend into anarchy, but hey ho – if you don’t try, you don’t get.

Thanks for your time.

BRING BACK /ALL!




( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 27 Nov 2008, 11:10, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Damn You Poof-lake!
I was just sat in work, we're about to do a job for a company called "Faith Shoe Group".

I had to email my boss and ask him if they worked in "Faith heeling".

It illicited a rather satisfying groan!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 10:49, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)