Yup
Life is too short for crap sex.
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:22, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Amen to that!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:23, Reply)

You have no idea
how truly abysmal some of the sex I've had has been!
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:26, Reply)

How bad are we talking?
Bad enough that you didn't even know he'd been in?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:28, Reply)

My first boyfriends all time record low
was 47 seconds, and yes it was so bad that I had nothing better to do than watch the clock.
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:30, Reply)

Is that from the moment of penetration, or from the moment he unbuckled his belt?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:31, Reply)

The former.

(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:32, Reply)

Oh dear...
I'm guessing he was consistently... pre-punctual? Surely if that was a one-off then it's mean to hold a grudge.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:34, Reply)

Pre-punctual!
Yes, somewhat. I don't think he ever lasted more than 5 minutes, and I stayed with him for a year after that. *belms*
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:36, Reply)

That sucks!
A one-off 'false start' I reckon is acceptable, but to routinely shoot first and ask questions later is just not on.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:38, Reply)

It certainly is not
even if we were teenagers at the time. Since he is now extremely fat, balding, ginger and a rabid Tory...I think I'm well out of that one. Like I say - no sex at all is better than that!
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:42, Reply)

Just make sure you don't end up a left-wing
Anne Widdecombe.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:44, Reply)

Fuck off
fuck RIGHT off.
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:48, Reply)

Add it to your profile!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:51, Reply)

Sounds like you came away with all the looks, character and awesomeness there!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:45, Reply)

Gordon Brown
would have come away with the looks, character and awesomeness from that relationship.
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:50, Reply)

Haha!
Both my long-term ex's are still hot, so I don't have that guilty pleasure. Both are good friends of mine still though, so it's not like I have to worry about psycho ex's!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:52, Reply)

I don't have any psycho exes
unless you count the guy I ended up dating by accident. I just have number of exes whom, when I look at, think 'what the FUCK was I thinking?!'
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:56, Reply)

Ahhh
I have one of those, but it was only a secondary school relationship that lasted a couple of weeks.
Thinking back on it, she was quite scary, but then her nickname was Scary Sam... Should've taken that as a clue...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:58, Reply)

Even I would have taken that as a hint, I think.
the story of psycho ex.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 0:03, Reply)

To be fair I only found out she was called that AFTER we got together

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 0:05, Reply)

What's wrong with Tories :(?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:45, Reply)

Nothing, necessarily
but he takes it far, far too far. If he was any more frothing about certain things, he'd be virtually a nazi.
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:47, Reply)

Did you find yourself eating more boiled eggs during the relationship?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:42, Reply)

No.
perhaps I should have, maybe smelly egg farts would have put him off his enthusiastic pawings...
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:44, Reply)

Shh!
Women don't fart...

Apparently.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:48, Reply)

My toaster takes about a minute.
You could have got up in the morning, put some toast on, gone back to bed, watch him satisy himself and they have a hot-bread snack!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:33, Reply)

I would have preferred toast, to be fair
sex with him was just an embarrassing chore.
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:37, Reply)

How long were you together?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:39, Reply)

Two and a bit years?
We were at high school/college.
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:43, Reply)

So this relationship didn't really effect your studies then?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:44, Reply)

Affect*
and no, can't say that it did.
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:51, Reply)

Sorry.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:52, Reply)

My worst I guess was when the girl just laid there
Barely made a sound, arms to her side, it freaked me out! Show some enthusiasm, dammit!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:29, Reply)

Well, if you will go on the pull in the mortuary...

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:32, Reply)

I was expecting this or a date rape gag

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:34, Reply)

It was a bit obvious wasn't it?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:36, Reply)

I'm just glad you didn't liken me to Chompy
So thanks for that!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:36, Reply)

Pleasure! :)

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:39, Reply)

Eww
that sounds really creepy!
(berk, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:33, Reply)

It really was
She'd been enthusiastic leading up to that point, then suddenly it was 'lie back and think of England'. Creeped me the hell out!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 23:35, Reply)