Believe it or not I have an excellent reason to avoid Brighton
A girl-based reason, at that. I know!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:36, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It is not the gay aspect of Brighton that put's it on my don't bother to visit list.
It is the awful meejaa types who frequent the place.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:41, Reply)

I'm not opposed to any part of the city, having never been there
But one of its residents could land me in some incredibly deep shit if I were seen in her company
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:43, Reply)

Anne Robinson?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:45, Reply)

Nah, she loved me
Said I was funny. I'd make it my business to get on with her anyway, she's fucking loaded, innit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:49, Reply)

I wasn't aware that you were a major target for the Paparazzi
Give us a shout for your next Heat appearance
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:50, Reply)

One day it'll happen
and then you'll feel FUCKING SILLY
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:53, Reply)

I hate to break this to you but your only avenue for z list celebrity status is to be papped being bummed by George Michael on Hampstead Heath

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:56, Reply)

Didn't work last time

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:57, Reply)

nUS ov dE WUrlD is your friend here
Hit up the celeb desk "George managed to fill my gaping arsehole with his hot love juices"
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:02, Reply)

I'm not sure George Michael bumming someone is news any more
To get noticed I need to out someone. Who's famous and supposedly straight?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Prince William

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Then we won't get our day off in April

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:15, Reply)

It would make many a persons day
Front page of NOTW Prince William with a shit eating grin, literally eating your shit
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Good point. I'll take one for the team
However, someone will need to console poor Kate Middleton. Are you up to the task?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Like a tramp on chips

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I knew I could count on you
In no time we'll both be all over the tabloids. We should systematically take down various annoying celebrity couples in this manner. Next time you have to do the scat/bumming and I get to mop up the quality fanny, though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:45, Reply)

She's going to beat you up?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:42, Reply)