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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Well this is a whole new kind of tired
One of our pet rats was in a bad way last night so I was sat up half the night nursing him and trying to get him to eat sunflower seeds. Now I'm sat at work with three cans of Relentless, trying to compile a spreadsheet of problems our idiotic customers have with our ordering process so as to avert having to go to Birmingham and Hove to do in-house training.

My life is just fucking THRILLING.

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to take my mind off my pet's ill health by conjuring a scenario in which going to Birmingham can possibly be a good thing. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.

Alternatively, tell me a funny story involves animals. Maiming preferable.

BANG
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:18, 178 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Berk is based in the Birmingham area
on the other hand, so am I and Lab isn't too far away.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:22, Reply)
I Like This
Take three points
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:24, Reply)
Surely that should be Brighton and Hove.
You would like it down there.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:34, Reply)
it's pretty. I liked it.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:35, Reply)
Believe it or not I have an excellent reason to avoid Brighton
A girl-based reason, at that. I know!
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:36, Reply)
It is not the gay aspect of Brighton that put's it on my don't bother to visit list.
It is the awful meejaa types who frequent the place.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:41, Reply)
I'm not opposed to any part of the city, having never been there
But one of its residents could land me in some incredibly deep shit if I were seen in her company
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:43, Reply)
Anne Robinson?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:45, Reply)
Nah, she loved me
Said I was funny. I'd make it my business to get on with her anyway, she's fucking loaded, innit
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:49, Reply)
I wasn't aware that you were a major target for the Paparazzi
Give us a shout for your next Heat appearance
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:50, Reply)
One day it'll happen
and then you'll feel FUCKING SILLY
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:53, Reply)
I hate to break this to you but your only avenue for z list celebrity status is to be papped being bummed by George Michael on Hampstead Heath

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:56, Reply)
Didn't work last time

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:57, Reply)
nUS ov dE WUrlD is your friend here
Hit up the celeb desk "George managed to fill my gaping arsehole with his hot love juices"
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:02, Reply)
I'm not sure George Michael bumming someone is news any more
To get noticed I need to out someone. Who's famous and supposedly straight?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:05, Reply)
Prince William

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:14, Reply)
Then we won't get our day off in April

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:15, Reply)
It would make many a persons day
Front page of NOTW Prince William with a shit eating grin, literally eating your shit
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:21, Reply)
Good point. I'll take one for the team
However, someone will need to console poor Kate Middleton. Are you up to the task?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:35, Reply)
Like a tramp on chips

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:41, Reply)
I knew I could count on you
In no time we'll both be all over the tabloids. We should systematically take down various annoying celebrity couples in this manner. Next time you have to do the scat/bumming and I get to mop up the quality fanny, though
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:45, Reply)
She's going to beat you up?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:42, Reply)
From what I hear, Birmingham do some cracking curries?
Beyond that, I have nothing, as I've never spent more than half an hour at a time in Birmingham.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:35, Reply)
My younger brother was car-jacked in Birmingham
I have no other experience of the city.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:38, Reply)
It once took me and my Dad an hour to chase a stray dog out of our house (in cyprus), it kept on coming under the gate.
It was a big furry dog, like a St Bernard, but a mongral of some kind.

The more I laughed, the fustrated Dad got and the more he schemed, and the happier the dog seemed. He got cardboard to chase it around the garden, told me to stand and shout the moment it ran past me (telling me to stand in a stratigic possition), waiting until the right moment to start running. Every time it would look at us quizicly and run past. Eventually a water hose got it to run away (but only stratigicly, waiting to turn it on at the right time, "Wait for it, wait for it.....NOW !").

Then in the afternoon we were watching some film with the kitchen porch open, and it came walking into the house and plonked itself down under the air conditioner and Dad said to me "Oh for fuck's sake, it's too hot, go get it a bowl of water".
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:38, Reply)

It was a big furry dog, like a St Bernard, but a mongral of some kind.

The more I laughed, the fustrated Dad got and the more he schemed, and the happier the dog seemed. He got cardboard to chase it around the garden, told me to stand and shout the moment it ran past me (telling me to stand in a stratigic possition), waiting until the right moment to start running. Every time it would look at us quizicly and run past. Eventually a water hose got it to run away (but only stratigicly, waiting to turn it on at the right time, "Wait for it, wait for it.....NOW !").

Then in the afternoon we were watching some film with the kitchen porch open, and it came walking into the house and plonked itself down under the air conditioner and Dad said to me "Oh for fuck's sake, it's too hot, go get it a bowl of water".


HELLO, MY NAME IS PAUL, I AM 25 FROM BEVERLEY HILLS AND I DO SOMETHING WITH COMPUTERS
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:42, Reply)
Haha

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:51, Reply)
Haha =)

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:52, Reply)
nice

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:21, Reply)
This is actually an excellent story
And my apologies for not knowing how old you are or what you do for a living
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:44, Reply)

knowing caring
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:21, Reply)
You are armed with a sten gun
and have acquired all the addresses of pop-reggae wankers UB40.

Alt: I know this bloke (let us call him Jeff, for that is his name) who fucks dogs.

Cheers
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:41, Reply)
Excellent work
What's a sten gun?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:43, Reply)


(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:46, Reply)
STUPID WORK FIREWALL
I'm just going to assume it looks awesome and has top-notch UB40-murdering capabilities
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:48, Reply)
They are great-looking guns
and could easily take out the Campbell brothers and the other no-marks. Trust me.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:50, Reply)
When it comes to matters of executing crap pop stars I'm more than happy to trust you
However, having studiously ignored UB40 for most of my adult life I very much doubt I could identify them if they spilled my pint (a crime punishable by death in itself, of course). Fancy a trip to Birmingham?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:52, Reply)
In all truth, no I don't.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:54, Reply)
Me either
Which brings us back to our original dilemma
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:56, Reply)
Not getting very far with this are we?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:57, Reply)
No
We are not. On the upside, it's passed half an hour reasonably pleasantly. However I have now had too much Relentless and can feel an almighty dump brewing. Just thought I'd share.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:59, Reply)
Don't forget to quote the length of your stool.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:01, Reply)
I'm not taking a tape measure to the bogs
Took me fucking ages to fish it out last time
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:01, Reply)
Use your hands then, not your mouth

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:12, Reply)
Don't be so bloody silly
How am I supposed to measure a shite with my mouth?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:15, Reply)
surely you've had enough experience sucking cock
that you can fairly accurately judge length and girth?

also: good morning
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:16, Reply)
Morning

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:17, Reply)
Morning you flangemonkey
The other problem with your suggestion is that after this much caffeine I seriously doubt my effluent will retain the firmness and consistancy of a cock
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:21, Reply)
that is a fair point
you will have to measure volume in that case.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:22, Reply)
Shite update below

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:31, Reply)
That's a sterling not a sten.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:51, Reply)
Well, as you're the Ministry of Defence I shall take your word for it.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:54, Reply)
Oh Monty!
Everyone knows Stens are prone to jamming. I'd go with a Chicago Piano.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:44, Reply)
But they look fucking cool
and let's face it, it isn't my life that's at risk from faulty hardware here.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:47, Reply)
They do look cool until you have to pull the trigger.
One bang, and then there is the embarassing silence.

My old man had one in the war, he was ordered not to point it at anyone, even if they were German.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:55, Reply)
They worked alright in the films.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:57, Reply)
Yeah but in Good Morning Vietnam it looked like Robin Williams might be a talented comic actor
You can't believe everything Hollywood tells you
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:01, Reply)
I like that film!

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:05, Reply)
Then you, sir, are a fucking cunt.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:07, Reply)
That's hardly a surprise, you facking cant!
/Clive
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:09, Reply)
I have two problems with that film.
1) it came amongst a swathe of vastly superior 'Nam-based films and even watched in isolation desecrates them by association

2) Williams is fairly good in it, which confuses me. Given the horror he inflicted over the next twenty years, to see him be entertaining and not completely punchable is like enjoying a day trip to Peterborough
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:10, Reply)
My favourite 'Nam film is Full Metal Jacket, followed by Platoon
I frankly don't rate Apocalypse Now highly, as I found it very dull. However, it's been a long time since I watched it, so may well watch it again someday.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:11, Reply)
I would agree with your order
but I really like Apocalypse Now.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:19, Reply)
Ditto
Full agreement with Vipros returns not a sense of nagging unease
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:20, Reply)
Apocalypse Now
loses it toward the end a bit.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:20, Reply)
yeah, it is pretty weird

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:21, Reply)
No it bloody doesn't
The horrors of war, the slow decent in to madness, the disconnection from the real world. It's ace.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:22, Reply)
Bit like your knob.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:28, Reply)
I watched the Apocalypse Now redux again the other day
It's really good. Nam films are so much better than these modern war films like Jarhead, which was, and lets be totally fair here, a load of fucking shit.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:20, Reply)
The problem with films about Afghanistan and Iraq as opposed to Vietnam
Is that by the time Apocalypse Now, and certainly Platoon, were made America had come round to the idea that the whole war was a tremendous fuck-up on their part. Films like Jarhead, Redacted, In The Valley Of Elah and their ilk have more of a muddied message because an awful lot of Americans, including the idiots holding the chquebooks at studios, still think involvement in the Middle East is a good idea.

And yes I know Jarhead is about the early 90's Gulf War but the parallels are the only reason it got made.

And yes, it was shit.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:25, Reply)
It's not really a war film
but Buffalo Soldiers is ace. Sergeant Bilko with smack!
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:27, Reply)
Get out of my head!

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:30, Reply)
It was shit because nothing fucking happened.
I could write a fucking book about not doing anything but I doubt it would get made into a film.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:27, Reply)
That was my main problem with it
If they had just let him blow the guys head off it would have helped.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:30, Reply)

head off


You big bender.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:37, Reply)
What can I say? I love the cock.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:42, Reply)
This is an unusual beast
A strikethrough-proof post
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:46, Reply)
Just trying to do my part

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:50, Reply)
It's not 'modern', but more modern than Nam
But I liked Buffalo Soldiers.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:26, Reply)
Bob Marley is shit.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:27, Reply)
You really lower the tone round here.
Robin williams last did a decent day's work in Mork and Mindy.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:08, Reply)
Hahaha
Very good, sir.

Fuck me, are you SERIOUS?!
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:11, Reply)
No.
I meant Happy Days.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:22, Reply)
nanoo nanoo

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:23, Reply)
Robin Williams is second only to Woody 'nonce' Allen
in my list of Hollywood actors whose lives I would dearly love to end with my bare hands. I loathe that spastic with every fibre of my being. He is the master of misdirection - from the school of 'if I do a load of stupid voices and gurn perhaps nobody will twig that I am an unfunny cunt'.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:11, Reply)
Does Russell Brand not count in that list yet?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:12, Reply)
His 'Hollywood career' is still questionable.
If he is still employed there in a year then he's on the list for sure. His hideous estuary accent is like fingers down a blackboard* to me.


*younger readers may have to Google blackboards
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:14, Reply)
RACIST

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:15, Reply)
Sorry, 'coloured boards'.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:27, Reply)
I absolutely could not agree with this more
Except for hating Williams significantly more than Allen, who I also have no time for. Throw in the Brand-hate below and I find myself in absolute accord with Monty.

*feels chill wind blow from the East*
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:16, Reply)
thank fucking god
I fucking hate Woody Allen. "Being Jewish" is not of itself funny. See also: Mel Brooks.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:19, Reply)
Blazing Saddles is fucking EXCELLENT though.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:25, Reply)
I think it is shit
Space Balls and Robin Hood - Men in Tights are bearable except for the bits with Brooks himself in, which are fucking dreadful.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:27, Reply)
I think you're mistaken there, definitely
As Space Balls is shit.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:32, Reply)
Robin Hood: Men In Tights is atrocious
The kind of autopilot spoofery anyone could churn out. The Zucker brothers must have been appalled that their genre sunk so low.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:34, Reply)
'In this film
Woody plays a neurotic New York Jewish man who has relationship issues'.

Wow, such versatility.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:26, Reply)
*shakes hand*

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:28, Reply)
I love Robbin WIliams, at one point I had all his serious-role DVDs.
Patch Adams, What Dreams May Come, Bicentinal Man, those ones where he plays the part of a phsyciatrist... he's ace.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:32, Reply)
Dead Poets' Society is officially the Gayest Film of All Time.
Paul Ross, News of the World
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:36, Reply)
What's the one where he makes money out of his kid dying whilst wanking?
That was shit too.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:47, Reply)
Good Will Hunting is a great film

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)
Fuck just as I thought I hated all robin williams films including Hook
you point that one out. I too liked it.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:50, Reply)
I almost agree
Just one tiny amendment

great fucking shit
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:50, Reply)
I almost bought a bren gun at an auction once
Unfortunately I was there representing someone else and they might have been cross if I'd mis-spent their money.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:11, Reply)
Still, the bren would have lasted longer than the ear-bashing.
I say you made a mistake. I'd give a finger or toe for a Schmeisser, no problem.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:12, Reply)
It was valued at £100 - which seemed like a bargin to me
It coincidentally was exactly the amount of money i had been given to try and falsify the results of bargin hunt that was filming that day.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:13, Reply)
My brother saw an SS sword in Cardiff for £400 (it was bit knackered and this was years ago)
His then girlfriend said if he bought it she'd leave him. Bloody over-sensitive Jews, I ask you.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:17, Reply)
hahaha
POTDSF
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:18, Reply)
The best I can manage is a deaths head badge for a cap
Ten a penny no doubt
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:19, Reply)
I am most fortunate in that my family has shitloads of military heirlooms.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:25, Reply)
I've got a load of crap from WW1 and WW2, best being a heer mahoosive eagle swastika thingy
I've also got a display of various British regimental insignia which has been valued quite high by a chap from the V&A, it looks a bit crap to be honest but who am I to argue.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:30, Reply)
Excellent.
I know a chap who has a WWII Nazi naval flag as a bedspread. This has caused him some problems in the 'casual sex' department, I am told.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:33, Reply)
Matching Adolf and Heinrich pillow cases can become somewhat distracting during the deed

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:36, Reply)
The urge to salute and sing the Horst Wessel Lied
can be quite overpowering.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:44, Reply)
The Sten is an excellent weapon
absurdly simple to make too, apparently.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:27, Reply)
More to the point, Relentless alone is not a good thing
Make sure you eat something soon, otherwise you'll end up feeling pretty fucked up by midday.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:06, Reply)
Got cookies
You make an excellent point though
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:08, Reply)
I used to drink it everyday, felt like I was going to vibrate out of existence some days

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:09, Reply)
I think he means proper food, not internet fatty food

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:09, Reply)
Toast, Crisps or a sausage roll were my main ones, but that's because we get a sandwich van come round

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:10, Reply)
...and a munchy box, come on, don't lie.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:12, Reply)
He can't help it
After a munchy box for breakfast there's not much chance of him being able to stand.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:14, Reply)
He can barely get to the door to sign for his 18" pizza at lunchtime.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:18, Reply)
What's a munchy box?
Is that his pet name for going down on BelladonnaAnodyne?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:19, Reply)
AA's breakfast:

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:24, Reply)
Is it wrong that I now want one?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:24, Reply)
Sadly, the one I get doesn't look anywhere near that good
As I don't get pakoras with mine. I get burger (beef/cheese/chicken), doner meat, 4 onion rings, 4 chicken nuggets and chips.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:29, Reply)
It is, yes.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:31, Reply)
That's revolting
It's looks like a close up of some tramp skin
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:24, Reply)
A peasants feast

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:25, Reply)
Amusingly, when I do have the £5 box
I tend to save some doner meat, and the burger for breakfast...
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:28, Reply)
You revolting child.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:34, Reply)
It's a sure fire hangover cure

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:35, Reply)
Fucks sake Monty
Don't post pictures of Belladonnas minge on b3ta.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:29, Reply)
D:

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:31, Reply)
hahahahahaha

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:31, Reply)
Oh dear

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:10, Reply)
If you had terminal cancer and had a nuclear bomb strapped to your chest
you could visit Birmingham and go out in style.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:09, Reply)
That's your answer to everything

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:10, Reply)
That's my answer to cities of the North

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:11, Reply)
Two points
a) Birmingham is not in the North

b) fuck you
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:14, Reply)
a) Birmingham is North of a line drawn from Gloucester to Norwich and is therefore in the North
b) fluck you Hans Blix
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:18, Reply)
Birmingham is south of Norwich which is categorically not in the North
Anywhere that says "Barth" instead of "Bath" is the South. Although in Birmingham I think they say "bayerth"
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:26, Reply)
Bull,
Norwich is north of Birmingham.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:27, Reply)
Great minds think alike
Darth.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:27, Reply)
and so does mine

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:32, Reply)
The fallout would likely head towards Stratford
Give me the nod so I can be out of town when it happens.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:13, Reply)
Too many tourists in Stratford
Same with Windsor.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:18, Reply)
I completely agree
Hence I've no problem with the radiation cloud rolling over it, just would rather be somewhere else when it does.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:20, Reply)
Too much shouting this morning.
I've not slept well in ages.

I've never been to Birmingham, only driven past it. Too tired to be interesting.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:23, Reply)
Do some excercise, best cure for sleeplessness there is

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:26, Reply)
Oh, it was circumstance that prevented me sleeping.
Seeing as I spent Saturday night on two chairs pushed together.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:31, Reply)
Why were you shouting this morning?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:30, Reply)
I wasn't. Flatmates were leaving for college and woke me up.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:32, Reply)
Bastard Flatmates
Make sure you kick each of them in the cunt when they get back.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:36, Reply)
Could be worse
I can't bitch about my flatmates on here
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:43, Reply)
I can't really.
For Charm's sake, it wasn't her who ended up yelling down the stairs which really woke me up.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)
That is one of the most disappointing dumps I've ever taken
It made England's bowling attack look consistent
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:31, Reply)
There's no reason to go to Birmingham
That accent is just... wrong.

ALT: I'm feeling lazy, so just have a link to this video:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mX-LN5TlvUI&feature=player_profilepage

My sister gets maimed at the end. It cheered me up.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:44, Reply)
That is almost offensively cute
Morning honey. I hope you appreciate the restraint I showed on your behalf last night.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)
Morning chick
No idea what you're talking about. I am about as tired as you are, but without the sugar or epic caffeine overload.

I'm really sorry to hear about your rat, will it be OK? I like rats :(
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:50, Reply)
Thank you for asking babe
He's massively underweight, especially compared to his brothers, and his breathing's irregular. Luckily Ms Foxtrot's Dad is a vet and is visiting this evening.

Last night I only posted one update about Glee. It took a lot of willpower.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:58, Reply)
I really hope he's OK
I hate it when pets get ill, it's rubbish.

I know what you're talking about now. It was very much appreciated chick.

Another video of Alan the kitten to try cheer you up (less maiming but still cute) www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_3sKSG8nKA&feature=player_profilepage
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 10:02, Reply)
Thanks honey
You're really very lovely
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 10:15, Reply)
*hugs*
Keep me posted on his progress.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 10:20, Reply)
how the hell do you nurse a RAT?
i'm very sorry darth, but i think the best cure for any rat (and this includes hamsters, gerbils, mice and men) is a nice clean whack with a nice big spade...
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)
I'd like to apologise now for the absence of my usual wit and elan
but fuck you.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)
you know i'm just trying to tease you out of it
don't be like that honey-bunny

(hmm, bunnies are also a prime candidate for a nice spade-whacking, now i come to think of it)
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:52, Reply)
RACIST

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:54, Reply)
Sorry darling
My verification filter is miles off today
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:55, Reply)
RACIST.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:50, Reply)
Pet rats are lovely
I agree with you on the man part though.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:51, Reply)
definitely
not all men. just... the majority.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:52, Reply)
It'd definitely be easier to make a list of men to not whack with a spade.
Let's see... Jake Gyllenhaal, potential Brighton-boy, Paolo Nutini and Darth, because I'm being nice to him today. That's it.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:54, Reply)
Awww
Cheers honey. Can you add Graeme Swann? Just until the World Cup's over.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:57, Reply)
you forgot bradley cooper
other than that, we're good to go.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 10:01, Reply)
Wait
Jamie Campbell Bower and Charlie Cox must remain de-spaded too.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 10:04, Reply)
Tristan is a bit of a legend...

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 10:07, Reply)

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