I can imagine the episode already
"Why all my problems are entirely of my own making" by Mr M. Boyce
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 14:57, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Pysshshchhchomp.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 15:04, Reply)

to be fair,
his Scottish genes told him that Buckfast and crisp packets were decent methods of contraception.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 15:05, Reply)

Better those than the slave-skin ones you nick round your way.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 15:07, Reply)

Evidently not, Mont.
And there is a rumour that the unusual lampshade in the house on Falkner Street was human skin.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Apparently
the tales of human skin lampshades in the concentration camps in WWII are supported by no evidence whatsoever. I know this because my brother and I tried to buy one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 15:16, Reply)

He held it on with a rubber band.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 15:07, Reply)

Better that than a 'spare tyre'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 15:09, Reply)

Evidently not, Mont.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Pffft!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 15:13, Reply)