Well if it isn't my favourite person in the whole world on current form
Morning mate, how are you keeping?

Alt: not wanting to gay the thread up too much, but if hair straighteners made by GHD ("Good Hair Day") don't guarantee the same then it's false advertising, innit.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:37, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

you don't help yourself
"I have GHD hair straighteners"
"I share jewellery with my mrs"
"I'm in a sham relationship because I can't come to terms with how much of a colossal Bertie I am"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:40, Reply)

OK, three things
I don't personally own GHD straighteners, they broke and were replaced by a cheaper model, although GHDs are AWESOME

We don't share jewellery per se, the necklace I'm wearing is hers but she effectively gave it to me as it's too heavy and metallic for her tastes

I have long since given up caring what you lot think of me, you could hardly think me more gay regardless of any protestations I might make
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:45, Reply)

if I thought you cared I wouldn't do it.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:46, Reply)

That's a charming sentiment
but I call bullshit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:49, Reply)

we've been through this
I'm mostly only horrible to people I like
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Yes we have
Thank you for the reminder

*is secretly chuffed*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:56, Reply)

His bird is lovely and would turn a gayer
As has seemingly happened here.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:56, Reply)

that makes sense actually
but only just, so he is teetering on the brink of reverting.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Technically I should give you a mark out of ten for this
but I choose to take it as a compliment towards my better half instead
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:16, Reply)

that's how it's intended
we're looking forward to you reverting so she becomes available, heartbroken and in need of "comfort"
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Sorry mate
She wouldn't go for someone shorter than her

(Harsh I know, apologies)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:30, Reply)

it's actually 'Gay Hair Dresser'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:43, Reply)

That implies there's another kind

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:45, Reply)

there's the "hot woman" kind
I'm tempted to get another haircut sooner than necessary because the girl who cuts mine is nigh on perfect.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Hahaha
Good call, sir. I booked myself an appointment yesterday and have to admit I looked up the stylist on the salon's website purely because female hairdressers do tend to be fine as.

Disappointed.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I'll get me clippers out for you if you want
but i refuse to allow you to ogle or violate me. unless you ask really nicely.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:00, Reply)

I've got my own clippers cheers
and I would never give a B3tan the chance to utterly humiliate me. In person. Not even you.*

*possibly bollocks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:06, Reply)

merely being in my company is humiliating

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Nonsense
You can quite literally do no wrong in my eyes at this point in time
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:16, Reply)

*Crosses fingers*
should all be fine - my mate was Lee Camp's best man and grew up with Marcus Tudgay. Everything is sorted, so here's hoping nothing goes wrong...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I told my best mate, who'll be joining us for drinks, hopefully with a forlorn "my team got fucking battered" look on his face
and his only reaction was "you fucking what?"

Have to admit I'll have to make sure I know what all the players look like, I sometimes struggle watching them on TV. Not Earnie, obviously. Or Wes.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Hello mate I'm good, thanks.
We're looking AOK for the game - we have secured free tickets from the players' families (barring any major fuckups) and it looks like the team may have Sat off, so we'll be on the lash.

Even if they have to train Sat we'll go on the lash without them.

It is - I recently shaved my head and missed bits - work are now calling me "Patch". Last time I ask my 4 year old son to help.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Haha
The lad's got to learn somehow. April 15th is going to be a belter of a night, thank you very much. Even if Forest are assuming their usual position of giving the teams around them a "sporting chance" by fucking up royally at this stage of the season.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Should be a good night out
I've got a pass from the wife as well, so I don't have to feel guilty.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Yeah I've forwarned the missus
Not only that I'll be late home, but that a Forest win coupled with a few beers with the players afterwards will set a standard in the "best night of my life" stakes that she can never hope to match
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:05, Reply)

My pal Stuart had stress-related alopecia
so I called him 'Apache' and it stuck, because we are nice sensitive friends.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:00, Reply)

my friend had the same
we were less imaginative and called him fester or cue ball, depending.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 11 Mar 2011, 10:03, Reply)