Quick repost of one I'm quite proud of:
After Linda McCartney's death, her husband Paul was so pleased to be freed of the oppressive shackles of enforced vegetarianism that he began to nibble at his wife's corpse. Whilst he tries very hard to control it and to keep it a secret from the wider public, Paul has never truly lost the taste for human flesh, and this is why Heather Mills only has one leg.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:37, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I like this
and as Ms Foxtrot has made me promise to outlive her, I look forward to putting it into practice
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Seriously?
Erm...that's a little morbid, isn't it?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Absolutely
She's been vegetarian since she was 10, she'll be nutritious and delicious.

I assume you mean the outliving thing - and yes, seriously. It's quite sweet if you think about it, although it does leave me with the problem of how to outlive a woman three years younger than me with a much healthier diet and a history less frequently populated by alcohol, cigarettes and massive drugs
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:46, Reply)

Mummification

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:48, Reply)

mu no
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:56, Reply)

kill her now
then you fulfill your promise and not have to compromise your desire for an "alternative" lifestyle
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:50, Reply)

This is a beautifully simple and effective solution
However there is one significant drawback; I am highly unlikely to find two women that attractive who are prepared to fuck me in one lifetime. I'll just wait til her looks go
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:53, Reply)

+ and get back to the blokes again

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:56, Reply)

you could go the chompy route

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:02, Reply)

What's he done now?

( Cawl, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:04, Reply)

What's Who has
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:05, Reply)

So that's why Charlie Sheen's gone mental?

( Cawl, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:05, Reply)

I think Charlie Sheen is a b3tan
If not, he should be
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:07, Reply)

rape

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Milton Keynes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:06, Reply)

are we playing Mallet's Mallet?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Paul McCartney is a zombie?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:40, Reply)