Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
« Go Back | Popular
Did you knowthat if you took the essence of NakedApe and condensed it down by just 29%, you'd end up with a nugget of idiocy so powerful it would alter the earth's orbit and tear a hole in the fabric of time?
Tell me another fascinating fact, either about a B3tan or just a general FACT-BOMB.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:21,
272 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
I can't, I haven't watched QI for a couple of weeksinstead I'll bore you with what I did at the weekend.
Ordered some wedding rings among other things. I was planning on getting a titanium one, which would cost me about £30, but when I tried it on my internal snob wouldn't allow it, so ended up spending 10 times as much on palladium...
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:22,
Reply)
I thought soI've had to have it slightly altered to fit on my finger
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:26,
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I call bullshitI reckon you've got fingers like the TGV
Is this the easiest post to strikethrough of all time?
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:29, Reply)
like the TGV?really fast?
I don't understand what you are saying here
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:33,
Reply)
I meant as big as a trainBut being a guitarist it stands to reason you do have reasonably fleet fingers. TGV may be slightly generous, unless Dumber Than Your Average Bear are a Slayer tribute band
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:36, Reply)
my fingers are actually quite slimthey are fairly quick, not Slayer quick though
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:37,
Reply)
Here's a question for you, as a musician, on the subject of covers bandsThere's an act called Guns 2 Roses playing Norwich soon. As a long-time G'n'R fan (no, fuck YOU. All of you) who's never seen them live, will it be even remotely worth my while?
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:41, Reply)
could be goodI've seen a decent GNR tribute act before. It's usually the singers that let tribute acts down.
Come to think of it, I may have even seen that particular one, in which case I recommend you get drunk and go see them.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:50,
Reply)
Good enough for me, cheersIt's at the club I DJ at which means free entry and cheap booze
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:54, Reply)
sounds like a no-brainer then(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:04,
Reply)
It is now, given you fine gents' opinionsI just didn't want to turn up and witness several of my favourite songs being desecrated
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:07, Reply)
I've seen them as wellThey're better than I thought they'd be.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:55,
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Allow me(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:36,
Reply)
I don't do this often, but have a well-deserved 9/10 sirAn 8 and a 9 in one day. Monty, your crown must be widened to fit another head
(too easy, don't bother)
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:40, Reply)
UR Jimmy Tarbuck AICMGolden age of variety.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:24,
Reply)
That's twice I've done that now.Once with a QI comment, and now a double-referencing of Tarby.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:25,
Reply)
You're just a plagiarising wanker.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:25,
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And you're a Benny not tied to a tree.No returns.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:26,
Reply)
I wanted a titanium onebut ended up with that silvered gold thingy (can't remember the name)
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:25,
Reply)
white gold?it was weird, the one I've gone for looks basically the same as the titanium one, but it just wasn't heavy enough. I tried a platinum one, which helped by being the right size, but it was a grand. Quite the premium...
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:30,
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IndeedMrs Cow wasn't too impressed at me only wanting to spend £20
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:30,
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Half a month's wages, innit? Oh man, unless you don't think that something you'll wear 24/7 for the rest of your living days is worth just 10 days work.... or you've got a really low wage.I don't know why I said that, it's mean, I'm sure it's lovely and you like it very much
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:34,
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I thought the rule was for engagement ringsand was a months/2 months wages?
at any rate, my mrs' engagement ring was about half a months salary. Considering the wedding rings are fairly plain bands of metal you'd be an idiot to spend more than the basic price of the metal on them.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:38,
Reply)
Are bonus points available if a general FACT-BOMB hasn't previously been mentioned on QI?(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:23,
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Yes.Also, the bigger the bare-faced lie, the more impressed I shall be.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:24,
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Marks and Spencer dropping the St Michael brand from their range after a threat of legal action by the Catholic ChurchThe church insisted that he was the patron saint of grocers, mariners, paratroopers, police, and sickness.
He isn't the patron saint of pre-packed sandwiches.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:31,
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I wish he was the patron saint of cardigans(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:38,
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William Shakespeare was in fact a penguin named Roberttrufax
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:25,
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*writes this down*This is dynamite stuff. More please.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:26,
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Al Capone's real first name was Colin(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:26,
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Al Caponeactually only had one hat
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:27,
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Squids have three hearts and blue bloodI learnt this fact when speculating as to what Matt Tuck of Bullet for my Valentine was on about when he wrote the lyric "When I see your face my hearts burst into fire". It was concluded that he's either a TimeLord, a quid, a spastic or intends to one day master pyrokenesis and inflict grevious damage on Heart of Midlothian FC.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:26, Reply)
he may have been talking about Hertfordshire(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:27,
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Very good pointAlthough even I, as a half-Taff, am terrified by the prospect of anyone from Bridgend wielding that sort of power
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:31, Reply)
I read this as'I am an utter bender, please kill me'
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:28,
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I think 3 is being generous there(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:31,
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Haven't gone lower than 3 yetand Monty's previous form prohibits me from making him the first
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:37, Reply)
IndeedYou are also blessed with the same. Which is why it's important not to let your standards slip
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:39, Reply)
Bullet for my Valentine? Bullet for my fucking Valentine?What the hell kind of fag name is that?
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:30,
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I met the bassist onceHe came and DJ'd at my night. Lovely bloke. Surprisingly short. Wore glasses.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:31, Reply)
Horseshoe crabs use copper to carry their oxygen, rather than iron.They have blue green blood. An evolutionary cul de sac.
no YOU are
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:32,
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weird thingsI read a book called Fragment recently that banged on about that sort of stuff, in between the weird creatures killing people.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:33,
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I know about it from my dad's O'Reilley programming booksThey have a short bit of info on the creature on the front cover at the back.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:36,
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*googles*Wow, I like this!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:33,
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I'm guessing Matt Tuckwas called Fat Fuck at school, hence the EEEEEEEEMMMOOOOOOO!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:32,
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Robert de Niro is actually AustrianNiro is a local word meaning wart
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:30,
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I can produce polyphonic raspberries by blowing on my arm.(
Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:34,
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Poor old Darth had to have several'polyphonic raspberries' lasered off his long-suffering anus. Not only were they putting off his 'clients' but they had begun to smell and were a health hazard.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:40,
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I'm awarding myself a strong 7 here.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:43,
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6/10I would have agreed with your marking initially but you lose a point for your presumption
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:46, Reply)
You missed the 'do you want some cream for that' joke.(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:52,
Reply)
This was the exact noise during the procedure(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:03,
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They sale cans of "Musky Octopus" in the turkish shop behind me, it made me lol.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:04,
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Please buy one and post the image!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:05,
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FACT-BOMBJim'll Fix It badges emit a gas that only pre-pubescent children can smell. This gas causes kids want to want to fuck aging marathon runners with a fondness for wearing gold tracksuits.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:34,
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This is absolutely not trueMy Dad was on Jim'll Fix It and received a badge. I met Jimmy Saville on the same day and didn't even raise a semi
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:38, Reply)
He's a giver, not a takerDid A&E fix it for you afterwards?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:39,
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Those people are miracle workersIt turns out his spaff is golden in colour, which explains all the necklaces
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:47, Reply)
They're called 'Snickers runners' nowadays.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:38,
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I like thisbut am depressed by the possibility that there are people posting here who won't remember Marathons.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:43, Reply)
It was a shit cartoonFucking tit with his blanket, a piano, a smart arse dog and a bird that speaks in apostrophies
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:02,
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I did an intensive 6-week training course on the language of apostrophes so I could fully understand the aforementioned comic stripIt really fills in the apparent blanks in various character arcs once you know what Woodstock's saying.
Not really, he's basically just calling Snoopy a big-eared cunt the whole time
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Isn't these supposed to be about b3tans?Lampito got her name because she is a Lunix/Apachi/MySQL/PHP geek, even though she mostly develops inside and MCV Framework inside a OSX enviroment.
Vipros was once so smug that he...ermmm.... did something that smug people don't normally do.
Darth Foxtrot, despite recent events, has never been 32 years old, nor is his name Martin; he is a butcher from Halifax.
JeffTheDogFucker was once caught with a Cat.
Monty Boyce's is the only man in the world with the ability to snort cocaine with his rectum. Larger surfice area in the colon meaning you get a stronger hit. It also doesn't make it way into the heart if you do it that way; thus rediucing the extream risk of heart attack.
Sportscow has been SportsCrow in my head and just now when looking at his name, I realise it's actually Sportscow.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:39,
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Jeff? With a cat?Has he turned?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:44,
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It isn't true.I'm allergic to cats.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:45,
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How did you find this out though? eh? Eh? EH?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:47,
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What are you trying to say?*Looks a bit shifty*
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:50,
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I'm sure it doesn't make you a cat lover, that you were just finding out to make sure you are not like that... Not that there is anything wrong with it.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:55,
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I was shocked when I found it it wasn't just a building society.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:45,
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What?You mean it's not just a building society and source of continually excellent television adverts?
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:47, Reply)
Yeh man, there is a games workshop there and everything else you need to make up a town centre !(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:54,
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Sickle Cell Anaemia (SCA) is a genetic blight in AfricaBut did you know it was engineered by Russian nationalists at Stalin's request after their Hypothenar Hammer Syndrome (HHS) failed to achieve results?
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:40,
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I like thisWell researched too
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:43,
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Labia Majora once passed his Latin finals by repeating over and over "Carpay Deyum"(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:43,
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Having Sickle Cell Anaemia protects you from malariaswings and roundabouts innit.
Also, I hope everyone took the poll:
"Do you routinely prescribe dual antiplatelet therapy following uncomplicated renal artery stenting?"
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:13,
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The unknown stuntman is still unknownAs Lee Majors who played Colt Seavers is really an actor and not a stunt man, despite him singing to the contrary during the opening credits.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:45,
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Terrible drug habit I heard"I got speed"
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:46,
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Keira Knightly's cheekbones have been registered as deadly weaponsShe has had to turn Sikh to be able to walk round with them without being arrested
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:46,
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I love this, bravo!(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:47,
Reply)
Every year, the 'tennis woman showing her bum' poster is updated with a new model.This years it's berk.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:46,
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*buys poster*EDIT:
Last year it was Monty
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:47,
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The Japanese quake has apparently shifted the earths axis by 10cm./actual real fact not qotw lies.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:48, Reply)
I thought my view looked different today(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:50,
Reply)
Yupnews.yahoo.com/s/ac/20110313/sc_ac/8054262_scientists_say_earthquake_caused_shift_in_earths_axis
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:53, Reply)
interesting stuffthanks
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:56,
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Does that mean that the GMT line is now in croyden?(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:52,
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It was, but someone nicked itIt's now been burnt out on an allotment in Lewisham
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:53,
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It was Darth Foxtrot that gave Freddy Mercury AIDSafter he caught it from a bent monkey
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:49,
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Hmm. TrickyOn the one hand it's not terribly imaginative, but on the other it is 100% accurate. Especially impressed that you found out that the monkey was bent, he hadn't even come out to his family at the time. 7/10.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:51, Reply)
Every Knight of the British realm is charged with her defence in times of crisisShould another country attempt to invade our armed reponse will be led by Magneto from X-Men and Steve Redgrave
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:50, Reply)
half of our knights are bendersof the camp variety. they'll be no good at fighting
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:52,
Reply)
Redgrave could be good in a naval battle though(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:53,
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Which is exactly why I picked himHow many gay Knights do we have? McKellen obviously, I'm having a total mind-blank. I don't think Chris Hoy's a bumder, he's Scottish. They don't have gays, do they?
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:57, Reply)
The correct term is McBummer(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:57,
Reply)
aka 'Bummerville'(c)my brother, 1984
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:59,
Reply)
Also Alan Cumming (surely?)and Frankie Boyle, by the principle of "protests too much"
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:03, Reply)
Elton John is a Sir isn't he?(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:00,
Reply)
Good pointI'm sure you're right about there being others, I just can't think of them
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:03, Reply)
As you don't have eyes in the back of your head(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:04,
Reply)
7/10On another day this could have been an 8 but you've set the bar very high
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:12, Reply)
someone and Justin?Those interior design ones?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:06,
Reply)
I don't think you can count personal acquaintancesespecially if they were straight before you hired them
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:15, Reply)
if you count to ten in every language, you will have counted to ten in every language(
Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:51,
Reply)
Monty has nipples like dinnerplatesBut did you also know that, whilst his claim of having a 12" cock is true he neglects to mention that that is actually it's diameter, whereas it's only half an inch long? Instead of doing a 'helicopter', he does a 'Lazy Susan'.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:54,
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That isn't salt - and buy your fucking own.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:58,
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kensington olympiahad a massive exhibition about bass and antique guitars this weekend. i was looking for vipros (well, in the 30 mins or so i was around before i went away)...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:56,
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I like a pint of bass(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:57,
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it's at the end of my road (kensington high street)i was in the beauty salon opposite. it was mostly a long Q of bearded men, but better than the spotty virgins at the dr who exhibition the week before!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:13,
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I'd like to see thatany idea how long it is on for?
I need another trip to London soon.
Interesting news: I went to buy myself some Fly boots the other day. Found they didn't have them in my size in Schuh, decided not to order them into the shop and order them myself online. Got home, and found that they weren't on the Schuh website, but were on another site for £40 less. Which has made up for me buying some Etnies on impulse
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 10:58,
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on the down side, it was 12-13 marchon the up side, i think it might move around the country. if you google "guitar exhibition olympia" you can find quite a lot of info.
i wouldn't say that is exactly interesting news, but i am always happy to hear about other people's shopping Successes.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:14,
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Time is longer than you thinkThe Viking sacking of Lindisfarne happened in 793 AD, it was a monastary dedicated to Jesus Christ who traditionally was born in 0 AD. Because those two dates are so long ago to modern eyes, they seem relatively close together. Or at least much closer together than they actually are.
The equivalent time from 2011 would be Christ having been born in 1218 AD, which is a long-ass time ago.
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:00,
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I find this kind of thing fascinating.Speaks volumes about me, I think.
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:01,
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This occurred to me whilst watching Kingdom of Heaven, which is set in 1184ADThey were 1184 years away fromthe birth of Christ. We are only 837 years away from them.
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:08,
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I find it odd that in the Classical era (5-4 cent. BC)Homer was already considered as being written in an archaic style. It was the equivalent of Shakespeare to the Ancient Greeks. Which makes it pretty fucking old (estimated written 9-8 cent BC, I think)
EDIT: Fuck. Homer was writing set in 12 cent BC, in around 9-7 BC depending on who you ask. That's weird.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:07,
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You don't think Shakespeare's plays are written in an archaic style, then?Edit: He was transcribing stories based on an oral tradition. The copy of Beowulf that we have now is similarly hundreds of years away from the the events it describes.
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:09,
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No, I do, that's my pointthe language seemed archaic in fucking 5th century Athens.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:10,
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I was more questioning your use of "already"as you've said, it was 4-500 years old by the time the 5th century BC rolled around.
Shakespeare, indeed.
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:12,
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Kroney won 'Mr Scunthorpe' four years on the trot. from 1988-91.Conversely, he's also held the title 'biggest spastic on the internet' since the invention of the internet in 1842 by Welsh gibbons.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:03,
Reply)
Althoughthe S and horpe were added later
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:04,
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You and I are probably much closer related than you think. We probably have common ancestors from the 20th century.
Ergo, if I'm a spastic, so's your mum.
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:06,
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How dare you.None of my ancestors has ever been common.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:09,
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Rubbish, a lot of them were Scottish.As were mine, incidentally. Brother.
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:10,
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Did you knowthat people whose house has a street number but who insist on referring to it by some spurious name they have attached to it, are fucking cunts?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:07,
Reply)
I think we did know this, yesc/o Sport Towers
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:08,
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My house is called DunroamingIt's a pun you see, Dun-roaming, Done - roaming. It's to show people that I've found my little corner of the world and I'm here to stay!
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:09,
Reply)
I find it funny when I drive past a 1930s semi-detached suburban house that somebody's called "Rivendell".
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:14,
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Whilst bored one day at work in 2001 I looked on our customer database for LOTR names We had one customer called Samantha Gamgee and another named Christopher Aragorn Smith.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:17, Reply)
You should burn it to the ground.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:18,
Reply)
VikinglolsBurn it, steal it or rape it
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:23,
Reply)
Viking Health & Safety initiatives recently prohibited burning before rapingKeep up
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:28, Reply)
Damn those pesky beaurocratsBURN THEM!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:30,
Reply)
Except that Michelle in the short skirt from accountsShe looks like a RIGHT GOER
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:36, Reply)
'xactlyAlthough you have to wonder what value she can offer post-raping which will make her worth stealing
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:48, Reply)
noout of /talk mentals, inc.
she is the sole reason that south ifricans are banned from b3ta.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:18,
Reply)
Ahh OKI bow to your superior knowledge .... and breasts
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:19,
Reply)
if search were workingyou could have a lot of fun reading some of that shit
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:24,
Reply)
Can I have an overview?Of the bou stuff, not your breasts (unless that is OK too)
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:26,
Reply)
bou: complete freak who annoyed everyone but was good for hours of comedy pokingbreasts: 2, 1 previous owner, fair skinned, pale pink nips (as opposed to brown), £35,000 ONO.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:33,
Reply)
£35K for a summary?My nearest offer is *looks around desk* a penknife, a yellow highlighter and a chicken sandwich with a bite out of it
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:43,
Reply)
i'm a city lawyer, you knew this when you instructed me to prepare the summaryif you want pikey breasts, try an accountant or something.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:48,
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This is preposterous!*phones lawyer*
*gets through to swipe*
*FAIL*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:49,
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Fstands for fuck off you retarded scottish twat!!!!!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:15,
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You know I don't really think thatI just predicted a particularly venomous response such as that.
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djtrialprice, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:18,
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well i hope it makes you feel happythat is all i can say, dj. that is all.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:24,
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If you play any of Jimmi Hendrix records backwards, you can hear the words I sucked Bowie's cock and liked it.(
girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:10,
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*Awaits Monty asking who Jimmi is*(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:18,
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Vipros's beard is the number 1 tourist attraction in Exeterpeople queue for hours to see it and give it a tug, which is said to be lucky.
However, like the Blarney stone in Ireland, it is rumoured that the locals sneak in at night and piss on it.
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:11,
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HmmIf you took away the empty space between atoms, pushed them together until they were touching, the human body would be compressed to about the size of a pencil eraser
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:14,
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(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:17, Reply)
I would have thought a lot smaller than a pencil eraserMore like a .
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:17,
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There's a considerable amount of space between atomsand yet my arm has never yet passed completely through anything I've ever rested it upon, despite it seeming far more probable for this to happen, than for it to sit safely on top.
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:18,
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Monty was once caught wearing his mum's favorite cardigan siging to himself "You make me feel, you make me feel, like a...natural...women" always sniffling at the last bit.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:16,
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I heard he had his winky tucked in at the same time.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:18,
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"Whatever Monty wants, (monty wants), monty gets (monty gets), and little man... monty wants you."(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:25,
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Hey Wooks I have a FUNFACT about the film we saw last night!Also, I hate you
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:19,
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What film did you see?(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:21,
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I wanted to see thatBut now I might just Lovefilm it.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:23,
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For something they've tried very hard to make look like Inception, it was nothing like Inception.Also, a bit too Jesus-y.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:24, Reply)
I think they could have made it really good if they'd made it longer and expanded the story more thanboy meets girl, get seperated, meet again, get seperated, meet again have to run places
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:43,
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Or if she'd been running more in that dress she wore at the end. In slow motion.It was mesmerising.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:47, Reply)
I hate you too.What is your FUNFACT? Is it a SOLID GOLD FACT that is also somehow FUN? The anticipation is killing me here.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:21, Reply)
I'm going to BLow. Your. Mind.In Inception, DiCaprio's character's object is not the spinny top but the wedding ring. In the last scene, he isn't wearing one.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:21,
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hmm that makes sence as the spinner was his wife's object and he must have had something he took thatof course the real question is why didn't he just get his kids moved to anywhere outside the US
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:44,
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'swipe claims she once died when her ma' got home from the weekly shop...... 'swipe rumaged through the bags and found frozen pops that were melted, and she procceded to swallow the cool cola liquid hole. But, it wasn't defrosted properly and some ice went down her gullet and she had to wait 3 minutes while it melted inside her throat before she could breath again. She is the only person in the world to have survived 3 minutes without oxygen to the brain; it was luck it was a hot day or it might have melted a bit slower and she could have conducted extreme brain damage.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:20,
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it is lucky you added the last clause of the last sentenceas otherwise Somebody might have been quick to suggest that this is in fact what happened to my brain.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:23,
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Who's somebody?I can't think of anybody who would make that suggestion.
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:28,
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could be Anybodyanybody who would do such a thing becomes worth of a swipe Capital Letter (the C stands for Contempt).
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:32,
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This capital letter thing you're doing.Is it a new thing? Would you like some constructive criticism?
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:34,
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no. it's a very old thing.if i am annoyed with you, or otherwise generally being formal, you will get capitals. if you are in the good books, it will be in lowercase.
If you really cared, Kroney, you would know this. You would.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:40,
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Oh yeah, that.That's not what I was referring to, though. I meant the "C stands for contempt" and "F stands for fuck off".
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Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:42,
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ohwell the question is about facts, innit.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:48,
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The fog on the Tyne really does all belong to Gazza.He bought it from Lindisfarne for ninteen pounds.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:24,
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I have only seen fog on the Tyne once - trufax(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:28,
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Me too: Top of the Pops (RIP)(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:30,
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GazzalolsJust got sent a text saying Gazza has turned up with his fishing rod in Tokyo.
Also another one saying "After ten aftershocks I couldn't find my house either" which I quite liked
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:32,
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I can tell you all that going to an afterparty full of people with oversized limbs is a right head fuck when on ketamine.I thought my mind was going to explode.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:32, Reply)
huh?Were you at some kind of circus?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:33,
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I thought we'd been lured into some sort of documentary. My favorite moment was just thinking 'no this can't be real, I must just be absolutely fucked'. Because I didn't know any of them I gave who I thought was the main bloke a few lines of charlie to integrate myself into the group. Turns out he wasn't any sort of 'top of the chain' guy, just the least disabled person there.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:36, Reply)
Seriously!Where were you?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:44,
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I thought we'd walked into a walk in centre for people with a condition.Turns out the girl who lived in the flat has a minor case of it (really long fingers), and through a support group has made lots of friends with it as well. They all came back as well, and I must say they were some of the funniest people I've ever met.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:57, Reply)
"Lets have a big hand for Barry"(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:58,
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I cannot put into words how much I had to bite my tongue and stop myself from saying "gigantism - it's a big problem". (, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:02, Reply)
Lab's favourite band is 'Level 42' and all his tattoos are cryptic references to their song titles. He has seen them live 561 times...SO FAR!!!!!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:33,
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It's not his fault though, it's something that has been passed down through the generations.You could say, 'it was running in the family'.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:35,
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*points to left inner forearm**prouds*
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:36,
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Your obsession with this far outweighs my love of Level 42(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:35,
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*points to right wrist**prouds*
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:37,
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Quick repost of one I'm quite proud of:After Linda McCartney's death, her husband Paul was so pleased to be freed of the oppressive shackles of enforced vegetarianism that he began to nibble at his wife's corpse. Whilst he tries very hard to control it and to keep it a secret from the wider public, Paul has never truly lost the taste for human flesh, and this is why Heather Mills only has one leg.
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:37, Reply)
I like thisand as Ms Foxtrot has made me promise to outlive her, I look forward to putting it into practice
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:40, Reply)
AbsolutelyShe's been vegetarian since she was 10, she'll be nutritious and delicious.
I assume you mean the outliving thing - and yes, seriously. It's quite sweet if you think about it, although it does leave me with the problem of how to outlive a woman three years younger than me with a much healthier diet and a history less frequently populated by alcohol, cigarettes and massive drugs
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:46, Reply)
kill her nowthen you fulfill your promise and not have to compromise your desire for an "alternative" lifestyle
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:50,
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This is a beautifully simple and effective solutionHowever there is one significant drawback; I am highly unlikely to find two women that attractive who are prepared to fuck me in one lifetime. I'll just wait til her looks go
(, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:53, Reply)
+ and get back to the blokes again(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:56,
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you could go the chompy route(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:02,
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I think Charlie Sheen is a b3tanIf not, he should be
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:07,
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are we playing Mallet's Mallet?(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:07,
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Paul McCartney is a zombie?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:40,
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35% of people on internet dating sites are already marriedthe rest are serial killers.
Also duck quacks DO echo, only mongs think otherwise.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:04,
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:05,
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