I think perhaps you should start by buying a box of cider and some Fimo
and fashioning an exact replica of your chest. I mean, go all out, blend the colours to get the skin tones right, use that little tool for dimples, then put it in the oven for 15-20 minutes at 130 deg C. Put it in a box with some silk flowers and a copy of Reader's Wives and post it to him. Two days later catch a bus to his locality and once all the traffic noise has died down keep your ears open for the distinctive sound of spaff hitting norks; don't forget to move your head slowly from side to side to pinpoint his location. Knock on his door, hold up the box of cider and demand smooth peanut butter sandwiches. He'll be yours forever.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:44, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

don't be ridiculous
smooth peanut butter is shit compared to the crunchy stuff
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:45, Reply)

I agree, crazy foo'
but blousie likes it smooth innit. Are you getting your surf on tomorrow?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:46, Reply)

on Sunday
going to be in Wells tomorrow.

I can't wait to go surfing. I'm excited. I'll be most put out if something prevents me, like my car going wrong or something
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I'm jealous, I'm desperate for a fix of seaside
but I think it'll be October before I get a chance, unless I hitch again.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:50, Reply)

I'm going surfing and camping as much as possible from now on.
Everything else can fuck off.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:57, Reply)

I quite fancy catching a bus somewhere from here, walking for a day, pitching a tent and walking back the next.
Might do that next weekend if the weather's good.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:58, Reply)

why not have a wank in your own house like everyone else?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Three down already today.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Smooooooooooooooooth!

( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Too much faffing.

( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:46, Reply)

Well if I got an exact replica of a pair of tits of some girl I'd never met, let me tell you
you'd be scraping me off her with a fish-slice.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:47, Reply)

*re-considers*

( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:48, Reply)

ff pp
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 18 Mar 2011, 13:47, Reply)