Working, shirking and smirking for me, I think.
I woke up miserable as hell today and made the rare decision to listen to music on the way to work. By the time I'd got to Archway the singles collection of Dick Dale & the Deltones had cheered me up so much it was almost incredible. I'm still buoyant even though

a) it's my mother's 60th this weekend and I've not found her a present
b) it's my mother's 60th this weekend and my spasticated ex still won't agree to my taking my daughter
c) I have to sort out my insolvency paperwork this evening

This is a fucking major achievement for Dick Dale here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:38, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I thought your Ma was in India, or has she returned?
I got a friend to sort out some financial paperwork for me when I couldn't face it. All I had to do was sign stuff. Is there anybody who could help you?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:43, Reply)

She's back, and half a stone lighter from 'Delhi belly' apparently.
I have appointed a chap to negotiate with my creditors etc - I have to produce pay and statement information re my multifarious creditors, fill out a humiliating 'how I got in this mess' statement, sign some shit and send it off - nothing major, but still horrible.

He claims to have a 99% success rate but I am trying not to think too much about what will happen. If he fails I lose my home.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Good luck with that shit.
Treat the statement like a school punishment essay. "How I'm really sorry I spent all my pocket money on tuck (MDs) instead of paying for food for the school hamster."
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Repossessions are expensive for the mortgage people as well
so it should be ok.

Although his 99% sucess rate claim makes me think he's a fucking liar.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Isn't 99% your own success rate with the laydeez Chompy?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:56, Reply)

No percentages only work with numbers over 100

(PsychoChomp, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Oh, OK.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 9 May 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Lolwutdafuk?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

He's endorsed by an independent review organisation.
I did the telephone equivalent of raising an eyebrow when he said that - his answer was that they don't take on anything they're not certain of achieving. They get paid out of the first two repayments you make so if they cannot get the arrangement in place they get nothing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Turn up at your baby-mama's house and be all like to you daughter "Do you want to see grandma? She has a unicorn in the garden, it'll grant you pure happiness, but I understand if your mother doesn't let you go see it" and walk away.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:44, Reply)

Win.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Good plan.
I'll pop round later and 'accidentally' let slip that my mother has every episode of 'Spongebob Squarepants' ever made, on 'Blu-Ray'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:48, Reply)

That sorts out the birthday present idea as well.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 9 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Hahaha this is looking very good indeed.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 9 May 2011, 9:01, Reply)