It translates to
'Look I do this for a living. I didn't leave the house with no idea what I was going to play - I have A SET. If New Order is in it then I shall play it – I do not need the help of some drunken spasmo with a ludicrous barnet and sequined high-waisted trousers on asking me for requests like it’s a fucking 1980s roller disco. Why won’t he fuck off? My God! He looks just like that poofter off ‘The Weakest Link’ that I and all my mates were laughing at so much! I wonder if it’s him. Christ, New Order are so fucking shit.’
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:17, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

No it doesn't
The correct answer is much shorter, simpler and less amusing. I can assure you the guy was no more a professional DJ than I am with my once-a-month metal night, and he was openly taking requests. Have another go.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:24, Reply)

oh, you have an actual answer?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Yes, the actual translation is
"I'm going to play Blue Monday, more people will dance to that".

Upon returning to my table I told Ms Foxtrot this, and then claimed to be psychic when Blue Monday started up two songs later. She was unimpressed.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:34, Reply)

that makes sense
if I'd known at the outset there was a real answer that is probably what I would've guessed.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Fair play to the guy
DJing is a numbers game, you look silly if no-one is dancing. This is where Monty chips in with how he DJed to educate, not entertain.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:38, Reply)

I'm surprised
I would much rather dance to True Faith than Blue Monday. I always thought Blue Monday was massively overated
(Bazongaloid, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:43, Reply)

I prefer True Faith as well
but Blue Monday is more instantly recognisable. To give you an example, which I'm sure you'll appreciate, I get asked for "Walk" by Pantera more than anything else, by far. Is it their best song? No.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:45, Reply)

No, they're asking you to 'walk' as in 'fuck off'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:50, Reply)

You let me know when you say something funny
so I can be sure to laugh on queue
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:53, Reply)

I would always ask for "Fucking Hostile"
Or "Cowboys from Hell"
(Bazongaloid, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Abso-bloody-exactly
Excellent choices both. Not that Walk isn't a top tune.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Fucking Hostile is on my randomburn
I'm rather glad it's random, as I would have really fucking struggled to pick a Pantera track to put on there.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:57, Reply)

or "on cue" perhaps?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Nope
I'm assuming that Monty's consistent unfunny baiting is lulling us into a false sense of security, preparing for something so fucking hilarious that people will be queueing up for their chance to witness it.

Yes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:57, Reply)

I'll stand aside and let you hold court with your trademark hilarious asides instead then.
In your own time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:59, Reply)

No hurry.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:59, Reply)

That was a mite uncalled for
Apologies. Just having a shite day, more easily riled than usual.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 16:07, Reply)

I did wonder. I am sorry myself.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 16:11, Reply)

It's fine, I had no plans anyway.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 16:00, Reply)

I go home at six.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 16:00, Reply)

I'm going for a coffee. Back in a minute.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 16:01, Reply)

I think I might go to bed now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 16:02, Reply)

*makes cocoa*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 16:05, Reply)

No one else is even trying.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Blue Monday is the closest thing to a non-shit record they have.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Orgy's version is far superior.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:39, Reply)

I was going to mention that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:42, Reply)

I disagree
But only because I grew up with the original. If my maths serves me right you'd have been the perfect age to appreciate Orgy's cover when released. And it is a belter.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:42, Reply)

I am sure it is.
Not in itself much of an achievement.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:43, Reply)

OK
'Wow! A request for New Order from an openly-gay man! Quelle surprise! I'm going to really mess with his head now, by playing 'Fuck That Shit' by CombiChrist TWELVE TIMES IN A ROW!!!!!'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:31, Reply)