Kill yourself.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 9:46, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

If he microwaves frozen chicken, that's fairly likely to kill him anyway.
Unless he does it properly.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Not quick enough.
He's clearly in a desperate rush to reach the grave with as little joy as possible on the way. A hot bath and a razor is probably the optimum solution.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I microwave it so it's unfrozen.
Then whack it in a frying pan. Timesaver.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Suicide.
It's the only sensible option for somebody in such a hurry to embrace mortality.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I'm too busy chugging glasses and slapping arses to prepare food properly.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 10:08, Reply)

But surely you can take fifteen minutes to top yourself.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I reckon I could do it in two.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)

I reckon I could do it in five.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)

There's only one way to find out.
dear investigating officer, this is an internet conversation and not an actual recruitment to suicide, yours etc
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)