Keep it non-specific
Along the lines of "Please try to keep your bodily functions out of the office. If you feel you cannot help yourself then please use the toilets, not my office"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Then punch her in the stomach

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)

With a spear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)

zululolz

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)

woah. She'll think you're accusing her of curling one out on the desk.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:48, Reply)

This is also unacceptable and should be strongly discouraged.
Honestly, trainee lawyers nowadays eh?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:54, Reply)