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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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i found £30 on the pub floor on friday
i asked around but noone claimed it, should I have:
a) given it to the bar staff to hold onto in case the owner returned
b) given it to charity
c) spent it on crack, crack whores and cookie dough
d) sent it to monty

alt: labradoodles are now extremely popular, but waht two animals would you breed together to make the ultimate pet?

alt alt: is it fair to want to kill anyone who says "Vegas baby!"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:40, 246 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Muffin the Mule

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:42, Reply)
A beast of burden you can eat on the go
good thinking.

Would it have chocolate chips or a blueberry centre?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:43, Reply)
'Hey you Guys who owns this thirty pounds that I've just found on the floor'
Are you fucking serious ??
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:45, Reply)
What's wrong with that, i live in a nice area
no one claimed it as it wasn't theirs
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:47, Reply)
Did you go to gay school?
Does living in a nice area make you a doormat? Fucks sake it's a jungle out there, wise up.
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:52, Reply)
unlike many of the povvos on here I earn a decent wage, have minimal debts and I am able to control my outgoings so therefore had no desperate "need" of the money
i did however keep it and spend it on high strength IPA
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:54, Reply)
Kept it.
Like every single person in the world would.
Anyone who says they wouldn't is a lying piece of cuntshit.
(TheColonel, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:45, Reply)
depends
if i had seen who dropped it, for example, no way would i keep it.

unless the dropper was a cunt. in which case i would take great pleasure in spending it, naturally.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:58, Reply)
I must be a lying cuntshit then
I found a £20 on the floor in my coffee room at work last week and gave it to the secretaries, asked them to find the owner if they could or if not give it to a particular charity.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:13, Reply)
you're not expecting anyone to dispute that heading, are you?!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:16, Reply)
fuck, no.
well, the lying bit maybe. I'm more or less entirely truthful on here.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:19, Reply)
"more or less"
i thought i was the lawyer
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:29, Reply)
Well, when I'm obviously ranting for comedy effect
I'm unlikely to be being entirely truthful.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:30, Reply)
ah, hyperbole
exaggeration for comedic effect.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)
This fails if the secretaries then went on to spend it on fake tan (or some other lazy stereotype)

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:24, Reply)
Bar one who we go out drinking with quite a lot
they're all in Wayne Rooney's preffered age range, so rouge rather than fake tan I think.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:29, Reply)
c) obviously
I think if you left it behind the bar, there would be a happy bartender that day
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:47, Reply)
^This^
Handing it into the police station would have been even more stupid.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Bollocks to Monty. Send it to me.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:51, Reply)
If it was my local, I'd hand it to the barstaff, tell them to keep an eye out
And if no-one has asked for it in half an hours time, it's mine.

Anywhere else, I'd have a quick look round, then pocket it.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:57, Reply)
Related question:
I was given £10 more in change at Starbcks yesterday than I should have been, assuming for the sake of argument that I kept it, who suffers, a massive faceless corporation or the poor sod who gave me too much change?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:58, Reply)
He's probably being deported as we speak
and will be tortured in his home country for being a "bum boy"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:59, Reply)
Or a 'notorious bum driller'

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:59, Reply)
The poor sod, if they have decent business practice.
Anytime the till is more than £1 out, most places give out an immediate warning.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:59, Reply)
Electric chair time.
Afters, how's you? It's going home time for me! Fucking hooray.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:03, Reply)
Not great tbh fella
We're 3 people down in the office today, and 2 of them will be off all week, so my workload has just gone through the roof.

Yourself?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:14, Reply)
AA is probably right
It is not uncommon for companies like Starbucks* to deduct losses such as this from staff salaries. This one does look like his own fault, but they often do it if, for example, a customer walks out without paying.

*I don't actually know if Starbucks do this, but I have no problem making sweeping generalisations.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:06, Reply)
At McDonalds, they would never fine us, but we'd get a quick 'Alright, sign this' if it was over £1 for a long day
We had one girl who was £15 out after a 4 hour shift, she got a thorough bollocking.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:15, Reply)
(c), of course. Or a variant on (d), which is you send it to me like the good person you are.
Alt: Personality Horse and a real horse. Not because I think it would make a good pet, I just think the courtship followed by brutal, bestial and likely fatal sex would be entertaining.

Alt alt: Yes, more than fair. See above answer for inspiration as to method.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:00, Reply)
it is the same moron who is responsible for the "mortal wombat" flooding, presumably.
it baffles me to think of some uggo perched over his computer, chortling to himself as he types the same inanity over and over and over again. but then i am so glad that is not my idea of a good time that i just have to pity him really.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:05, Reply)
Alt: Elephamsters
Self explanatory really. Needs a really big wheel.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:07, Reply)
My nephew's hamster died inexplicably over the weekend.
My poor sister has to tell him today. He won't take it well : /
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:10, Reply)
shame i couldn't have seen you on sat
i had thought the party was in a pub, but it was actually in the hippodrome and my aunt had done all her own catering etc, so i couldn't get away with either sloping off to a pub or bringing a random date. but i'll be up there again at some point.

the cheese stall in tod market is too good to miss!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:17, Reply)
Hooray!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:22, Reply)
It's not inexplicable
it's a hamster. They die at the drop of a hat.

This might not be the best course of explanation for the kid, though.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:19, Reply)
one of the best /qotw stories EVER
b3ta.com/questions/petstories/post81901
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:23, Reply)
ha. nice.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)
i fucking love this
the way it "fucks off" into the night; the trying to find the black hamster; the way it kept reappearing on the shelf. comedy genius.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:34, Reply)
I read that as "I fucking loves this"
and wondered when you got infected with "the welsh" for a second, there.

There's lovely.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:47, Reply)
awww
i am lovely, thanks.

but they all know where i am, no need to point it out.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:55, Reply)
Ah kids are fickle
Tell her to get him a present before telling him. "Your hamster is dead, but nevermind have a new Evel Knievel jumping toy*"
On second thoughts, don't do that - he may start offing other pets in order to complete his collection...

*Or whatever it is kids are into these days...
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:20, Reply)
pokemon and donkey scat, I think.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Some things never go out of fashion

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:22, Reply)
Sucks, but he'll get over it.
And it's probably a kinder introduction to death than the death of a family member.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:28, Reply)
She could maybe kill a family member to help him to put things into perspective?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:31, Reply)
That probably sounded harsh.
But I was thinking the first death my son knew was his great grandad's. We all have to learn at some point, it's one reason for kids to have pets.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Just spoke to my sis.
He cried a bit but he's OK now.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Good news.
They are very resilient at that age.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:46, Reply)
just ask Gary Glitter


/off-peak single to Hull
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:47, Reply)
I would imagine it was more the shock than anything else.
Especially when something dies that wasn't ill beforehand.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:48, Reply)
excellent answer, have a gold star

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:11, Reply)
Is this branding so the death squads know who to round up and shoot?
I'm not Jewish, you know?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:21, Reply)
Lolocaust!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:29, Reply)
You should give it to Gonz.
Karmic payback in real terms for helping out that homeless bird last week.
Or mahoosive durgs.
(I helped save b3ta! blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:10, Reply)
It's not really two animals
but I'm all for a pygmy Aberdeen Angus. Use it as a footstool then carve a steak off its arse.

A cross betwen a shark and cat would, of course, be a shat.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:17, Reply)
Labrodiles
labrodor, crocodile cross
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:19, Reply)
excellent cross, there.
Be particularly good for hunting, you wouldn't even need a gun.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:21, Reply)
a horse and an eagle
might be a great way to escape the traffic and the tube in london
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Not just for the possibility of dropping horse manure on your fellow commuters from a great height?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:22, Reply)
She's assuming the wings will end up on the horse.
what if you end up with a vegetarian eagle with hooves that is spooked by shadows and sudden movement?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:23, Reply)
apart from the hooves
you just did a great job of describing my dad's budgie.

(not prison slang, btw)
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Alt: bear dog so I could train it
Alt alt: unless in Vegas, but even then it's a close call
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:24, Reply)
soooooo
a newfoundland then.

that is already an animal.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:29, Reply)
Not the one I'm picturing.
And that's not fact anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:30, Reply)
you're thinking about shagging it, aren't you?
:(
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Dont tar me with your shitty brush, I'll be making up stories about speeding next
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)
you can try
but it won't be as horrific as my actual experience.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:34, Reply)
Why
It's obviously bollocks
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:35, Reply)
i wish it were, i really do
as it is, i have to be good for the next 12 months, or it can be added to any future endorsement.

if i were going to make something up, it would be about shagging bradley cooper. it would not be about being stupid enough to get caught speeding!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:37, Reply)
The most convincing lies always start with a nugget of truth, I don't doubt the whole story just the details

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:39, Reply)
every word is true
albeit badger may well be correct, he could have exaggerated what they clocked me at to frighten the hell out of me.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:40, Reply)
I'm pretty sure
"being let off for something you could easily have been banned for" does not count as in any way horrific.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:36, Reply)
well no, clearly the outcome could have been much worse
but the whole experience was pretty knee-trembling.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:38, Reply)
Aha the knee trembler
Get out clause...
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:01, Reply)
what would you train it to do, though?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:31, Reply)
shag him

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)
don't bears have barbed penises?
that's not going to end well.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)
now, you're assuming here that bobby would be the taker (catamite?)
why would you assume that, eh? why?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)
I didn't. I'm simply unaware of any flimsy urban legends regarding bear vaginas.
So I only had one path available to me to follow, I'm afraid.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:34, Reply)
we should totally start an urban legend about bear vaginas
bobby, it's your hybrid, would you care to start?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:35, Reply)
You have one, you start

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:37, Reply)
bear vaginas...
not as much of a massive hairy cunt as bobby?!

(i am teasing you, btw)
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:39, Reply)
It's fine, it's the Internet x

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:40, Reply)
i was quite impressed at my comeback there
i'm normally only any good at being rude to al.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:41, Reply)
mallards have explosive corkscrew penisis
ducks have corkscrew vags, pain awaits the mallard that tries his clockwise cock in her anti-clockwise vagina
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:38, Reply)
Half marathon

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)
not even a whole marathon?
you're doubting your ungodly creation before you've even started, man. You'll never make a mad scientist.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:35, Reply)
either that or he's already eaten the other half
/snickers -v- marathon joke

/realises is showing age

/weeps
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:36, Reply)
you didn't need to explain it.
Some of us are at least as old as you.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:37, Reply)
yeah but some are only about 21
boo hiss
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:39, Reply)
bastards
Well at least i'm not quite 30 yet...
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:40, Reply)
subhuman child.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Haha

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Shut it foetus.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:50, Reply)
submuman children
best ignored.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:40, Reply)
yeah, but they'll all be shit in bed.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:40, Reply)
true
but they'd be able to get it up at 20 min intervals all weekend...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:41, Reply)
that doesn't particularly diminish with age, sweetie
Try sleeping with heterosexual men.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:43, Reply)
the quality goes up
but the quantity does go down.

this is one of your "lying for comedic effect" things, isn't it??
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:54, Reply)
if it makes you feel better
yeah, I'm definitely lying for comedy effect. Honest.

You might be right, in general. I've only got a sample group of 1.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:00, Reply)
You've only slept with one heterosexual man?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:02, Reply)
All the rest were massive benders, innit?

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:05, Reply)
Of course
all the rest were totally Barrymore.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:05, Reply)
great, now I'm thinking like you.
might as well shoot myself now.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:07, Reply)
...and my work here is done.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:14, Reply)
oh go and ski down something.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:19, Reply)
no snow.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:30, Reply)
all the better.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:44, Reply)
aw, man, that cuts.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)
i don't want to think about you frenetically tugging to get it up every 20 mins all weekend
so i'm going to let you have this one.

but jesus knows you're lying.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:36, Reply)
What have I got to do with it?
I was talking about about straight men and I thought you'd already decided I was gayer than Barrowman in a pink boa?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:41, Reply)
well if you weren't talking about yourself
then you do have a disturbing knowledge of the potency of other heterosexual men.

you SHOULD get a pink boa to match the socks, though. i would enjoy that picture a lot.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:44, Reply)
A quick check through my facebook reveals I can only offer you a pink striped shirt
and black boa as a combination. Many apologies
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:50, Reply)
that would do
but i can always use my imagination if you don't think it's up to scratch.

also. a black boa.

WHY?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:07, Reply)
No idea
Because it was there, I imagine. There's also an inflatable triceratops involved, but that would probably push you right over the edge
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:12, Reply)
it is sounding like a dali painting right about now

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:27, Reply)
*grins*

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:42, Reply)
Well I don't want him too tired for all the shagging

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:36, Reply)
much better
that's the stuff
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:39, Reply)
It's OK to say 'Vegas, Baby' ironically as long as you are wearing a flat cap while you say it.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Only if you want to die.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:38, Reply)
OK, I'll wait until I have a terminal illness anyway before I risk it.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:43, Reply)
Actually, if I remember facebook correctly
you're a flat cap wearer, aren't you?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:48, Reply)
Hahahahah!
I was thinking about sending you a link to that picture last time you mentioned it.

I have worn one in the past, yes. I don't have one anymore. I lost it in Positively 4th Street about 4 years ago. The same night that picture of me in it was taken in fact.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:50, Reply)
Goood, goood.
unless your northern, or over 60.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:52, Reply)
You've got a lot of nerve

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:55, Reply)
What a cunt.
You’d think he’d have enough money from Herman’s Hermits royalties not to have to lay claim to money found in pubs, eh? He really IS into something good.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:40, Reply)
I assume that within my post are some Herman's Hermits lyrics
*golf clap*
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:41, Reply)
You wrote 'Noone'

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:42, Reply)
eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:42, Reply)
lead singer of Herman's Hermits
Peter Noone.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)
"i asked around but noone claimed it, should I have:"
Peter Noone is the singer from Herman's Hermits.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Oh...I am the only person here who doesn't know about peter noone?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:47, Reply)
Noone knows about Peter Noone.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:48, Reply)
Yup.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:48, Reply)
AA is only about 15 and even he knows

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:48, Reply)
Did Noone write enough songs to earn royalties?
I reckon he'd be glad of the £30
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)
I think 'Naked Gun' probably saved him from bankrupcy

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:46, Reply)
Google says that Carole King and Gerry Goffin are sitting pretty on that one

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:47, Reply)
I should probably have known that, given that they display the songwriting credits on screen in the middle of the scene.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:48, Reply)
I've just been listening to Rearviewmirror by Pear Jam
I recommend it to you all on a slow Monday afternoon
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 14:57, Reply)
No sound on work computer : /
I really really really don't want to be here.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:00, Reply)
Hmm, never tried Pear Jam, is it nice?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:00, Reply)
dammit
I suspect it might be actually
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:02, Reply)
I suspect it may be tastier than what you intended to type
Girls, any opinions on this?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:03, Reply)
like you never got curious and tasted your own.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:10, Reply)
Always too busy crying
and too filled with self-loathing to bother trying.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:15, Reply)
Spoken like a true b3tan

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:17, Reply)
Pear and walnut chutney's nice
and I don't even like pears.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:10, Reply)
Fuck off, they're shit.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:12, Reply)
says the man keeping the spirit of grunge alive to this day.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:13, Reply)
There were far better grunge bands than them

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:14, Reply)
I wasn't defending them, I don't care about them eitherway.
I wast just trying to get a rise out of monty by implying he looks grungy.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:18, Reply)
Grunge?
Clunge, I say.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:35, Reply)
Just for once say "I don't like them" as opposed to "they're shit"
Please.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:16, Reply)
But they were shit

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:17, Reply)
Sssh he isn't beyond help yet

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:22, Reply)
you reckon?

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:26, Reply)

I sense the good in him
And dope
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:27, Reply)
There are bands I just don't 'get'
and then there are shit ones. The Mahavishnu Orchestra (for example) are unlistenable to me, but I concede that may well be my fault. Pearl Jam were simply shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:38, Reply)
You're right this once but you know where I'm coming from

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)
Does dyslexia effect someone's grammar?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:23, Reply)
It can do, depends.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:24, Reply)
speaking of animals, I got a cat yesterday, and it needs a name
suitable for a female tabby/tortoiseshell. Any suggestions?
(DeeDee, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:24, Reply)
Pam

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:25, Reply)
Fuck off

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:27, Reply)
Seriously, what a great name eh

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:27, Reply)
Don't be ridiculous
That's clearly a dog's name.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:30, Reply)
No way,
If I go wandering into the garden shouting 'Fuck off' people might think I'm a local
(DeeDee, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:28, Reply)
Have you considered crossing it with another animal?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:31, Reply)
i might try breeding her with the dog, were it not for the fact that they're both female
and spayed.
(DeeDee, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:33, Reply)
Genghis Fuckpaws.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:29, Reply)
Peter noone

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:31, Reply)
current favourite is Gary Madine, Goal Machine

(DeeDee, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:33, Reply)
Peter Noone is a much better choice.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Yeah, but is he Europe's leading goalscorer? I think not.

(DeeDee, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:38, Reply)
MONSTER TRUCK

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:35, Reply)
MICK GREEN.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Agamemnon
Mephisto
Erik the Red
Seigfried
Snuffles.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:37, Reply)
Conan the destroyer

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:37, Reply)
Apparently cats respond best to names that end in a y sound.
This is not a joke, btw.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:37, Reply)
birds certainly do
it's the easiest noise for them to mimic when you're teaching them to "talk", apparently.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:38, Reply)
Philoctetes

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:38, Reply)
I've heard this as well, so the list of cats I have owned
goes Sammy, Monkey, Millie, Eddie, Davey, Della and Stalin
(DeeDee, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:39, Reply)
Kim Jong Il

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:41, Reply)
Bert

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:42, Reply)
Hitlerina Flidmong Smythe-Smythe.
Or Genghis Fuckpaws.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:48, Reply)
Or Emerson Stranglewank III

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)
I am buying a cat purely to name it this!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:15, Reply)
i'm sure my trainee has farted
the room smells like fish eggs.

how can i make it clear that if this happens again, i will be Seriously Angry, without using the word "fart" or making an accusation??
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:38, Reply)
Phrase it as a question ie
"have you grunted?"
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:39, Reply)
this sort of misses out on the subtlety of the whole thing

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:42, Reply)
"has SOMEONE grunted, because it stinks in here"
this will shame him into corking it in future, without directly accusing him.

TBH it's probably too late now
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:43, Reply)
there's only 2 of us in here, dude
hence me not wanting to appear accusatory.

esp as SHE is quiet and very shy!

but clearly farts like a trooper. fucking rank.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)
I met your criteria.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:44, Reply)
we both know this is not true
on ANY level
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)
I'm unexpectedly hot.
Ask anyone.

Also unexpectedly nice, unexpectedly young and unexpectedly non-alternative.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:47, Reply)
You surprise me

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)
You're not the only one.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:53, Reply)
Keep it non-specific
Along the lines of "Please try to keep your bodily functions out of the office. If you feel you cannot help yourself then please use the toilets, not my office"
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)
Then punch her in the stomach

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)
With a spear.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)
zululolz

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)
woah. She'll think you're accusing her of curling one out on the desk.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:48, Reply)
This is also unacceptable and should be strongly discouraged.
Honestly, trainee lawyers nowadays eh?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:54, Reply)
Office lol

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:44, Reply)
Is your trainee a sturgeon?

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)
Oh deer

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)
Don't worry, when everyone else wonders what the fuck you're banging on about
I saw the ninja.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:47, Reply)
They'll just assume I'm being a spelling reatrd as usual

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:48, Reply)
Brain fail
and was that reatrd ironic?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)
sadly not, but once I'd seen i thought I'd leave it ofr a modicum of irony
10 spoons worth
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:54, Reply)
When all you needed was a fnike

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:17, Reply)
worse
a pesto covered fish egg
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)
FUCK YOU
Now my pun looks stupid and makes no sense at all, you ninja arse wipe
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)
hey
you use the term "rswipe" like it's a bad thing

*sadface*
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:03, Reply)
I thought that was the whole point of your name on here?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:05, Reply)
oh god you misunderstand me
and sometimes, your words?

they HURT.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:06, Reply)
haha
So where does you name come from then?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:07, Reply)
my mother had a child in her class called "richard slicker"
years later she met him as a grown-up at a reunion, and he had changed his name. she asked why. and he said: "mrs swipe, how would you like to go through life as rslicker?"

years later again, my friend and i needed a chatroom to talk because MSN hadn't been born quite yet, but she was in the philippines over the summer holidays, so the phone was not an option. public teen chatroom it was. she signed in as rslicker, the rest is history.

so yeah. what you just said, really.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:09, Reply)
'YOU, you snivelling little cunt,
have dropped your fucking guts. The next time you do something even half as repugnant in my prescence, I will be dropping YOU. Out of the fucking window, sunshine. You dig?'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)
"You know what's really funny about schartenfreude?
"Nothing, you disgusting little urchin."
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)
A punishment we call
defartistration
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:52, Reply)
I don't know what fish eggs smell like

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)
visit rswipes office, then.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:47, Reply)
no thanks
I would be so eclipsed by her radiant beauty that the 'ugly friend' rule would reach maximum effect, she would simultaneously pull every single man on earth in an instant
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:49, Reply)
i quite like this
and if all else fails, we could have a pint.

you should come over to my office anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:05, Reply)
thanks, but I'd rather not smell your assistant's eggy flange

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:09, Reply)
such cruel rejection

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:10, Reply)
Bit close to the bone badger, I'm sure her personal hygene is excellent

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:49, Reply)
haha!
love this
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:50, Reply)
That's probably true.
I reckon Jo Malone do a fine line in labial fragrances.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:54, Reply)
Pink Orchid is my favourite
followed by Venus Fly trap and Rooney
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:56, Reply)
Hahahaha!
Look like a cunt, smell like one too
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:12, Reply)
That classic twist on the Happy Birthday song

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:15, Reply)
it fucking well is!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:05, Reply)
That's what I said ; )

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:06, Reply)
'I can either smell your anus or your minge.
Which is it, you grotty fucking turd?'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:50, Reply)
^this is the only reasonable approach.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:52, Reply)
Like so:
Swipey: Can I smell your cunt?
Trainee: What? Of course not you dirty Lezzer!
Swipey: Must be your arse then, cork it stinky.
Job done.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:55, Reply)
I like this

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:14, Reply)
ha
i love that a question about a suspect fart has generated so many responses.

for shame, b3ta.

except monty. you never shame me.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:04, Reply)
you were surprised by this?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:12, Reply)
Do like I do with the kids
"Do you need a poo?"
"DO YOU NEED A POO?"

Repeat until he goes for a shit
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:15, Reply)
Ah parenthood... So glamorous.
But really, at 22 she should be able to work this out for herself now.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:18, Reply)
haha!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:18, Reply)

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