My brother has a child with a woman he has no contact with
This is shoved down his throat by my Dad, who invites the mother and child to every social gathering, including Christmas.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:24, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Is that shoving it down his throat
or a way to keep in touch with his grandchild?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:30, Reply)

Well, he always makes a point of asking my brother if he's 'reconsidered his relationship' with the mother
So that everyone can be happy families, despite the fact my brother is engaged to another girl.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:35, Reply)

Perhaps by reconsider the relationship
he means have contact with his own child, and maintain some sort of civil relationship?
That sounded unnecessarily confrontational, sorry. But the point stands it's not unreasonable for him to invite his grandchild along for Christmas
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:40, Reply)

Tbh, there's so much backstory to this even I struggle to remember it all
My post below explains it best, methinks.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:50, Reply)

Not having a go but... Do you think it's right that your brother has nothing to do with his child?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:38, Reply)

It was a very odd situation
The two of them were having a bit of fun, nothing serious, and she fell pregnant. When she found out, they'd already agreed to leave it alone, and so it was quite a shock to both of them. Whilst she was pregnant, he met his now fiancee, and whilst he kept in contact with the mother, it was clear he was head over heels for the new girl.

When his daughter was born, he went to see her the day after, and said he felt nothing when he held her. No bond, no friendship, no nothing, which really shook him. He continued to see her, but as he was based in Newcastle, and she in Cheshire, he couldn't go down very often. A couple of months after the birth, the mother sat him down, and gave him an ultimatum. Either he was there for everything, or he wasn't there at all. He knew he couldn't be there for everything, and I don't think he hugely wanted to be either. The mother agreed, and they went their seperate ways.

A few members of my family asked whether they could stay in contact with her, my brother gave his blessing, but made it clear he wouldn't go back on his position, as it wasn't fair on the child. Since then, barely a month goes by when the idea of being more involved isn't hinted at by other members of the family. Of the entire family, there are only 2 of us who think the whole affair should be left well alone.

I have nothing against the child, and I have nothing against the mother, but I think my brothers wish should be respected.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:49, Reply)

Possibly a difficult question
Religion? Does that come into play, even in a subliminal way?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:54, Reply)

My parents are Christian
But neither my brother nor the mother are.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:56, Reply)

I was heading more towards Catholisism.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:57, Reply)

Nope, baptist

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:58, Reply)

So there's a conscriptive creed
I may be way off the mark here but there's a degree of - I don't know, the stain of stamina almost, in the acceptance of an inappropriate strain in the more rigorous faiths.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:05, Reply)

That is one extremely tough situation
Shame that your brother didn't feel anything the first time he saw her.

Not his fault - one of my best friends was very tearful after his son was born because he didn't feel any bond. 3 months later and the bond is definitely there - just took some time.

Must have been difficult for his fiance too.

I am lucky with my daughter and my marriage I guess.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:58, Reply)

I think that was the main reason for his decision tbh, I could see that had really haunted him
And I do feel for his fiance, but I think that he could certainly have handled it better with her.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:59, Reply)