SCANDAL
My mum decided to get back with my dad, despite an internal campaign to expose him as the muppet he is. Who'd watch soaps eh? Real life is much more interesting(!) What was the best scandal in your family? Someone you know fucked off with someone else, someone stole something and you never told, you smashed someone's fishtank* and never admitted it. Tell, or talk codshit like you usually do.

* euphemism, if you like
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:15, 190 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Damn it, missed my opertunity again !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:18, Reply)

She was up for it, but was drawn from the brink with the fact he has a driving licence and they've been married for 35 years.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:28, Reply)

my dad's cousin had an affair with the Canadian prime minister
but that was in the 70s and nothing interesting has happened in my family since
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:23, Reply)

Wimmin are crazy. *shrugs*
He did give her you though.
( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:24, Reply)

Ah, schoolboy error that.
He's not my biological dad. I found out ten years ago. Somehow this makes it easier for me to frown on him.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:29, Reply)

Ah well! then frown away.

( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:30, Reply)

*frowns*
Have yourself a wicked weekend lady.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:31, Reply)

Will do : )
Wish you were here though.
( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:33, Reply)

Likewise, never mind! We'll still aim for something in January/Feb.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:34, Reply)

Monty should organise another London curry bash
we had one around that time this year. After January payday, ideally...
(berk, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:49, Reply)

I'm coming to be in London on the 8th
thinking of going on the 7th. The weekend will have to be postponed if I do that obviously (broke as a baroque clock)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:54, Reply)

Aww that's a shame
I can't get down during the week. But I will definitely see you soon :)
(berk, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:00, Reply)

You have a productive job :(
but yeah will be up in Oxford, so'll let you know when :)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:05, Reply)

I do that, it keeps me more busy than I like
but something will crop up for you soon I'm sure. And yeah definitely give me a shout when you're up in Oxford :)
(berk, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:08, Reply)

Likewise.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:12, Reply)

I dunno.
If he acted as your old man when you weren't actually his, I think that's reason to like him more.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:50, Reply)

Exactly.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:56, Reply)

My brother has a child with a woman he has no contact with
This is shoved down his throat by my Dad, who invites the mother and child to every social gathering, including Christmas.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:24, Reply)

Is that shoving it down his throat
or a way to keep in touch with his grandchild?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:30, Reply)

Well, he always makes a point of asking my brother if he's 'reconsidered his relationship' with the mother
So that everyone can be happy families, despite the fact my brother is engaged to another girl.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:35, Reply)

Perhaps by reconsider the relationship
he means have contact with his own child, and maintain some sort of civil relationship?
That sounded unnecessarily confrontational, sorry. But the point stands it's not unreasonable for him to invite his grandchild along for Christmas
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:40, Reply)

Tbh, there's so much backstory to this even I struggle to remember it all
My post below explains it best, methinks.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:50, Reply)

Not having a go but... Do you think it's right that your brother has nothing to do with his child?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:38, Reply)

It was a very odd situation
The two of them were having a bit of fun, nothing serious, and she fell pregnant. When she found out, they'd already agreed to leave it alone, and so it was quite a shock to both of them. Whilst she was pregnant, he met his now fiancee, and whilst he kept in contact with the mother, it was clear he was head over heels for the new girl.

When his daughter was born, he went to see her the day after, and said he felt nothing when he held her. No bond, no friendship, no nothing, which really shook him. He continued to see her, but as he was based in Newcastle, and she in Cheshire, he couldn't go down very often. A couple of months after the birth, the mother sat him down, and gave him an ultimatum. Either he was there for everything, or he wasn't there at all. He knew he couldn't be there for everything, and I don't think he hugely wanted to be either. The mother agreed, and they went their seperate ways.

A few members of my family asked whether they could stay in contact with her, my brother gave his blessing, but made it clear he wouldn't go back on his position, as it wasn't fair on the child. Since then, barely a month goes by when the idea of being more involved isn't hinted at by other members of the family. Of the entire family, there are only 2 of us who think the whole affair should be left well alone.

I have nothing against the child, and I have nothing against the mother, but I think my brothers wish should be respected.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:49, Reply)

Possibly a difficult question
Religion? Does that come into play, even in a subliminal way?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:54, Reply)

My parents are Christian
But neither my brother nor the mother are.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:56, Reply)

I was heading more towards Catholisism.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:57, Reply)

Nope, baptist

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:58, Reply)

So there's a conscriptive creed
I may be way off the mark here but there's a degree of - I don't know, the stain of stamina almost, in the acceptance of an inappropriate strain in the more rigorous faiths.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:05, Reply)

That is one extremely tough situation
Shame that your brother didn't feel anything the first time he saw her.

Not his fault - one of my best friends was very tearful after his son was born because he didn't feel any bond. 3 months later and the bond is definitely there - just took some time.

Must have been difficult for his fiance too.

I am lucky with my daughter and my marriage I guess.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:58, Reply)

I think that was the main reason for his decision tbh, I could see that had really haunted him
And I do feel for his fiance, but I think that he could certainly have handled it better with her.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:59, Reply)

Muppet - qualify, please.
In a broad sense, harmful or harmless?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:24, Reply)

Oh god, do I have to?
Angry as fuck but very rarely violent. Imposing and day-ruining. Every day.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:31, Reply)

You brought it up
Very rarely violent is still violent on a sporadic basis.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:33, Reply)

After 16 years of systematic abuse
my mother, in her infinite wisdom, decided to embark on an affair which would almost certainly have gotten her hospitalised if not worse, had my father found out.
I knew all about it, and the first time she went, rather nervously, over to his house whilst my dad was at work, I jokingly lent her a condom and told her she wouldn't need it, of course. She came home some hours later and I idly asked if she had anything to return to me. She shrugged and said I could have it back if I wanted, but I almost certainly wouldn't.

Stay classy, ma. She almost certainly wouldn't have left my dad, or left and gone back to him, though. Women are stupid.
(berk, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:24, Reply)

Humans are stupid.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:31, Reply)

True that.

(berk, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:34, Reply)

But we're all we've got

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:36, Reply)

hippy

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:43, Reply)

Show me another way of looking at then

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:48, Reply)

eh - I was being
comedy hypocritical after I think it was you calling me out for hippy sentiments yesterday
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:57, Reply)

Not me
I was elsewhere yesterday.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:59, Reply)

Could have been worse. She could have given your dad AIDS.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:59, Reply)

She's not that much of a skank
herpes maybe...
(berk, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:00, Reply)

Not sure we really have many...if any
Though after my grandmother passed away a couple of years ago, my mother cleared out her house and found their old marriage certificate, whereupon she found out that my grandfather had been married before he married my grandmother. In 52 years neither of them ever thought to mention this to their daughter, which has since led to (entirely baseless) speculation as to whether my grandmother was the "other woman" that stole my grandfather away from his first marriage.

Real life - fascinating stuff(!)

On an unrelated note, I thought the whole "(!)" or "Sarc-mark" as some colossal dickhead decided to call it had been laughed out of court, mainly on account of it being shit and unnecessary. How wrong I was - switching on 4OD's subtitles due to poor laptop sound quality, I noticed the thing being used whenever a character said something in a sarcastic manner. I've never felt so patronised by subtitles.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:26, Reply)

In a lesser way
When my grandad died we discovered that he was 81, not 83.

He'd lied to get into the navy and just kept the lie going.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:31, Reply)

No real scandals in my family
apart from the whole thing with a cousin and the arsehole she married, and the subsequent drama. We're not really up for washing our dirty linen in public however and that includes in front of other relatives so I'm sure there is plenty of stuff I don't know about.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 20:32, Reply)

The only scandal in my family is that I have yet to stab my mother to death.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:01, Reply)

If you do mine
I'll do yours.

Takes away the guilt, yeah?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:08, Reply)

Strangers on QOTW

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:10, Reply)

I will gaz you to make arrangements

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:13, Reply)

I don't suppose one of you fancies doing my nan as well.
I'd be very grateful. *waggles eyebrows*
( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:15, Reply)

How much?
I have several blunt instruments and we ain't talking much on travel for me.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:17, Reply)

Two pints, a kebab and a quick fumble round the back of the Polished Knob.

( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:18, Reply)

I'll do it for one pint and a longer fumble

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:21, Reply)

Ok, saves me having to get kebab juice off my frock.

( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:22, Reply)

Sold to the man called Battered
I'd have to shell out £2.50 for the train to your place.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:29, Reply)

You want your Nan doin' in, eh Blousie?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBJDBR0G94c

contains naughty words.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:39, Reply)

Oh Jeff!

( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:41, Reply)

Oh Blousie!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:42, Reply)

Oh Jeff : )

( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:44, Reply)

Nicole!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:45, Reply)

Rodeo

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:24, Reply)

Keep going guys, I'm almost there.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:45, Reply)

It means going to the very arsehole of the world
Barrow-in-Furness.

I'd not subject you to that.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:15, Reply)

You don't yet know where you'd have to go.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:17, Reply)

The only place worse than Barrow is Hull.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:19, Reply)

The convenient aspect is that she lives quite close to a crematorium.
So disposal is easy. £50 to the bloke on the back door. Job done.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:22, Reply)

Nothing interesting in my family
We're all a bit eccentric I suppose, but no scandals. I'm not sure if I should feel cheated or blessed.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:05, Reply)

then perhaps you are the scandal

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:07, Reply)

Not really, everyone seems to put up with me OK
cheers for the thought though.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:19, Reply)

My (paternal) Grandma turned up on my brother's birthday with an (obviously grabbed in haste) unwrapped packet of Penquin biscuits as his present.
My Mum was outraged and told her to take them back and get him a proper present.

Mr brother considered this a scandal. He fucking loved Penquins.
(Cave Duck, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:18, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:19, Reply)

how goes the 'speriment?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:20, Reply)

Meh!
The brownies aren't even that nice as just brownies. I used a packet mix as I didn't want them too rich.
( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:21, Reply)

shame.
well, better too weak than too strong. i9t may also be to do with lack of company.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:23, Reply)

I do feel a bit mellow but that's probably the bottle of Peroni I drank : )
We can scoff them after dinner tomorrow and see what happens.
( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:24, Reply)

The big scandal in my family
Is that my dad might be Major James Hewitt

Regards,

Harry.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:41, Reply)

So you've got a history of incest.
And you think that's your ONLY problem.

Your family tree looks like something Escher did, your genetic map would challenge Rothko.

You'll perpetuate it, and we've no choice but to subsidise you.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:51, Reply)

i am a child of a proper full-on seventies wife swap.
they divvied us kids up like they were picking teams for football. until i was about seven I thought my dad was my uncle and that my brother and sisters were my cousins.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:51, Reply)

Don't think.
Accept and understand.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:53, Reply)

*counts on fingers*
That's almost what happened to me, except with more deception. Does your story have a happy ending, or do you dream of pushing your old man down a cliff as well?
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:53, Reply)

i see my dad occasionally but cut my mum off four years ago.
All of us kids have been in various forms or therapy over the years and the grownups are all 'oh well' about the whole thing. nice.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:58, Reply)

Sweeeet, sweeeeet therapy.
I did cut my dad off but my mum said something that made a lot of sense to me and I've kind of changed my mind. Suck, really, I was rather enjoying hating him.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:59, Reply)

I am MUCH healthier without mother in my life.
i suspect however that she will live to be ninety just to piss us all off :(
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:08, Reply)

I hope you realise
I have to assume every scrap of this is utter bullshit, regardless of anything. You could have legal documents signed in blood by Jesus and Eddie Izzard, but as it comes from your fingers, utter bullshit.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:19, Reply)

on /offtopic i speak the truth

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:22, Reply)

oh oh is this like that thing in Labyrinth
with the card guards one of whom tells the truth yada yada yada?
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:31, Reply)

Oh Janet :'(
It explains so much.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:56, Reply)

We've got the cream of /talk over here today, is there some kind of exchange programme going on?
Jesus, our guys are going to get ripped to pieces over there.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:58, Reply)

cream dregs
ripped to pieces over there bummed within an inch of their lives and LOVE it.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:22, Reply)

you awful troll.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:58, Reply)

troll cunt.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:18, Reply)

Blimey.
We have OT and /talkers getting on. All it took was for Legless to bring balance to the force.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:58, Reply)

CHEESE

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 27 Oct 2011, 21:59, Reply)

Cheers.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:02, Reply)

Did you e-mail me those amendments you made to your presentation?
If you did, I'll check my mail.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:05, Reply)

No, I didn't. You want to see the final version?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:07, Reply)

Yeap.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:07, Reply)

Done.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:13, Reply)

Look good.
Although the last point on the final slide, 'conclusions' could be a bit clearer, maybe capitalise 'Pension' or add another space after the hypen.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:18, Reply)

I just have to deliver the fucker now.
The interview guide says 30 minutes going through my CV, skills & experience (which is fine- I used to work there), 45 minutes for the presentation (including Qs & As) then 15 minutes on any questions I have.

With 14 slides, I can easily do two to three minutes talking and then field questions.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:21, Reply)

You'll be fine.
You've done ample prep, you know the industry and you know your C.V and the questions you're likely to be asked.

Just make sure you polish your shoes and wear a tie.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:22, Reply)

I for one welcome our new /talk overlords
*waves cheerily to Janet and Mark*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:09, Reply)

which one is mark?
Janet is easy to spot, looks like the wrong end of an Afghan Hound.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:12, Reply)

the zombie shoes guy

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:13, Reply)

mumps

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:15, Reply)

I should explain.
My user name is mark morrisons prison shoes, the zombie part is my halloween name. Most folks shorten it to mmps, mumps or shut up you stupid cunt.

Also, Rocket Surgeon is really Acid Kewpie, or kewpie if you prefer.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:20, Reply)

shut up you stupid cunt
also applies to me.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:21, Reply)

But not to me.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:22, Reply)

Thank you. this makes sense of a couple of things.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:23, Reply)

see, I'm not "really Acid Kewpie" at all
I never posted here with that name and even /talk would forget me within a week or so...
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:25, Reply)

You're on Mike's list.
WE NEVA FORGET. KEWPIE 4EVA
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:30, Reply)

www.linuxquestions.org/questions/user/acid_kewpie-2956/
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:34, Reply)

I'm not fucking falling for that again.
NEVER click on one of your links.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:37, Reply)

BOKKO!
or something.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:39, Reply)

TRIFLE!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:40, Reply)

hold me.
never let me go.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:41, Reply)

God damn it Delores. MAN UP!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:44, Reply)

I wish I could mate, I really wish I could.

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:47, Reply)

I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!
OooOOOoo Saucy *minces*
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:49, Reply)

how was that (apparently i think) about bum fun?
Don't you know a desperate cry for help when you see one?
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:50, Reply)

Yes but I'm not your fucking careworker.
08457 90 90 90
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:54, Reply)

0891 50 50 50
much more fun.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:58, Reply)

It rings some bells with me at least.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:31, Reply)

that's cos it was an AWESOME name
that is cripplingly embarrassing to say to anyone IRL!
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:47, Reply)

don't you have some ugly ginger children to check on?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:20, Reply)

no, she won't start screaming until about midnight I expect.
go nuts...
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:22, Reply)

Put her out in the garden then.
Fucking hell, call yourself a parent.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:24, Reply)

reminded of Harry Enfield...
Wayne: Doctor, Our daughter Frogmella has got a horrible cough
Frogmella: cough cough cough
Doctor: Oh, i shouldn't worry about it, it's very common for babies to get coughs
Waynetta: yeah, but it's put her right off her fags.

ba dum tish.

in other news, we are hoping a new bed might fix her: www.thuka.co.uk/shop/catalog/maxi/midsleepers/Thuka_Maxi_9_White_Wash_Only_271_64.html
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:29, Reply)

Get her a cage, if she's only small you could probably get one from a pet shop.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:31, Reply)

oh totally
not up to my hip yet, not by a long shot.

My parents have a spare one since their other dog died too, still has the water bowl attachment and tartan mat
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:42, Reply)

Get in! Saved yourself a few quid.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:43, Reply)

What ho Rocky, how's life?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:21, Reply)

shit, careful what you ask or i'll answer.
I think I only found out yesterday that Quixote is actually pronounced Quixote. and not "Key oh tea" after all... wtf?
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:23, Reply)

answer what you like
and it's more tay than tea, as I pronounce it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:24, Reply)

you apparently pronounced it totally fucking wrong

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:27, Reply)

It being my name, I think you'll find I can choose my own pronunciation.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:29, Reply)

fucking Muricans ruining our language and all that

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:33, Reply)

that they are.
I'm not one though.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:35, Reply)

Rob likes to herd us into pens, for when he does feeding.
OT and QOTW are like fluffly fresh veal steaks.
/board is quite gamey.
/talk is like bitter old mutton
no-one gives a fuck about /links.
Awww, poor /links :'(

No-one leaves b3ta. WE GET EATEN BY THE GINGER COMMANDER!!111!!!11!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:28, Reply)

And that was supposed to be down there.
Fuck, I'm such a noob.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:29, Reply)

stupid cunt

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:37, Reply)

Hello yes?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:38, Reply)

is it me your looking for?

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:39, Reply)

I seriously doubt it.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:43, Reply)

They'll slap back into the wall of /talk
They could be good. But they won't.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:13, Reply)

why not come and try it over there?
it's like the video of pipes of peace today, as we all put our differences aside and unite in the face of legless' twattery.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:19, Reply)

how honoured do you feel to have had most of this all based around you?
honoured smug
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:20, Reply)

apart from legless going postal, none of this is owt to do with me.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:25, Reply)

seems like the best bit of it all to me.

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:27, Reply)

You are TROUBLE Janet.
The hideous trolling of QOTW caused legless to be legless. How fucking dare you.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:36, Reply)

and now you guys come over here to finish the job.
*sobs*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:40, Reply)

Good God no.
We're the equivalent of /talk dads army.
The don't like it up em! they fucking love it.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:42, Reply)

so, does that mean your the nice ones?
Or the old ones?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:43, Reply)

We are. THE DULL SQUAD!
*plays steptoe and son theme tune*
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:45, Reply)

You'd fit right in here then.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:46, Reply)

By tomorrow you'll all be BEGGING to have me removed.
I imagine some may poke their eyes out with forks and that.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:48, Reply)

You reckon?
Don't bet on it, we could do with some new blod and the current crop of noobs are shit.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:50, Reply)

OT NEEDS MOAR BLODS

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:51, Reply)

also cips.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:52, Reply)

/talk is the same, hell the whole of b3ta is the same.
Like a horror film where we're all stood in a ballroom, covered in cobwebs and shuffling around bored to tears. As soon as someone new comes in we all stop, stare and shuffle forwards with a manic look in our eyes. "One of us, one of us." we quietly chant.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:52, Reply)

Time to jump ship and come over here then.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:57, Reply)

I may well nip in here a bit now. Never really bothered much with OT.
It's such a pain in the arse to get to on the site.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:59, Reply)

This at least is true, I keep it as a favourite.
bored bored bored.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 23:02, Reply)

Bored? Why not have a wank!
/The British Onanism Board.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 23:07, Reply)

Gaz me cock pics and I'll do my best.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 23:10, Reply)

I'll see what I can do but this camera don't have a great zoom facility.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 23:11, Reply)

i love the bit where he hits the wrong chandelier!!
and the old man goes down the hill in the bath tub!
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:43, Reply)

WHAT is your name?
Don't tell him pike!

hahahahahaha
yeah.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:47, Reply)

It won't last, it never does.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:20, Reply)

I do occasionally, but I can't get over the thread structure
also the Cunt Quotient seems higher (present company excepted) and I'm a sensitive soul.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:22, Reply)

I never understand why the boards all work differently
wtf isn't it a common code base?

There are no hotkeys here are there?? PFfft gay!
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:24, Reply)

For the same reason London isn't built on a grid patern, history.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:25, Reply)

bullshit
there is no history on the internet, next you'll say there's some sort of machine to take you way back to old sites and crap like that.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:26, Reply)

some kind of Way way back machine....

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:28, Reply)

made of whey

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:30, Reply)

and woo.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:33, Reply)

I'm a slow, dozy, regular geezer.
I can just about cope with the occasional evening on O/T.

And I do a lot of things that don't involve being on-line.

I'm not qualified, but thanks for asking.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:25, Reply)

Don't put yourself down TD, we wuv you.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:27, Reply)

That was bigging myself up!
Been for a ten mile walk with the dogs today. In the real outside and that.

That's a normal day for me. How many of our fellow contribitutors understand that this is, for leaf colour, the best year since 2002?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:35, Reply)

Oh, I like doggies, watcha got?
I live in lahndin, we don't do leafs.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:39, Reply)

Two Flat Coats
The other problem with the Manchester event is that they're in a drag-hunt on Sunday - 10.30 start.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:42, Reply)

Nice, I had a labradoodle, he was/is loverly
silly name, good breed for a family dog.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:44, Reply)

They're very nice dogs
Obviously owning a pair of pedigree dogs I look down a little bit...

Do you notice, however, that at the very mention of "outside" and "dogs" and "leaves" the /talk quotient fade away?

Tab and bed, I think. Won't be here tomorrow so enjoy your Northern bash, eh?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:51, Reply)

I threw my dog in a half dried up reservoir yesterday
so there.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:53, Reply)

I prolly won't either, I'll be on the train
Have a good weekend.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:53, Reply)

Don't know about a scandal, but it's unusual.
My great-grandfather was born in what's now northern Ireland but ran away from home at an early age, joined the navy and assumed a new name, which has since become the family surname. Since he took his real name to the grave and there are no known copies of his birth certificate, any ancestors before him are untraceable.

As for anything else, my family is basically one big petty argument disguised as a group of people. I have nothing to do with them.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:52, Reply)

have you tried looking on Friends Reunited?

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 22:54, Reply)

No real scandals as such.
But I do genuinely hope my step aunt and uncle die.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 23:12, Reply)