Its been brought to my attention that we need a humourous diversion from Gonzo's thread
Please tell me your best acceptable joke. i.e. one you could tell in mixed company or in a job interview etc.




Note to Gonzo: Put a decent AltQ rather than a detailed description of the thing people don't care about.
( WormuIus, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:16, 10 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Mine is one I stole from Mr Chomp
Why shouldn't you stand behind the devil in the queue at the post office?

He takes many forms.
( WormuIus, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:19, Reply)

What kind of cheese can you hide a horse in?
Mascarpone
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Where's Macau?
Next to ma'tractor.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:24, Reply)

There are two monkey's in a bath
one says "OOOHHH AHAH AAHAHA HA AAHA AH"

to which the other replies, "If it's too hot Colin, put some cold water in!"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.


Perennial favourite, right there.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:30, Reply)

My 5 year old son came out with this only last night
Mini Hat: Have we got any helicopter crisps?
Me: No
Mini Hat: Then I'll have plain.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:30, Reply)

The Iron Lady film has been given a 12A certificate
apparently it's not suitable for minors
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:31, Reply)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Stoopid miners
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:33, Reply)

What's the capital of Greece?
About 2.5 euros.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 12:38, Reply)

WHY DO PENGUINS JUMP UP AND DOWN WHEN THEY FIRST MEET?
TO BREAK THE ICE.

And yes, you do have to shout it. A good, clear, monotone shout. With no pause between the words. And no pause between the question and the answer.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 13:35, Reply)