also i have a date tonight
and i have managed to spill a little bit on my top. as it's a black top and an almost clear soup, you can't see it. but omg you can smell it. great. hello, isn't this date fun, what, that smell of fake vegetarian beef? no, can't smell anything...

.... mind you, he'll be lucky if i don't burst into tears about the ex all over him, so the beefy whiff might well be the least of his worries. poor guy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:43, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

On the plus side, french onion soup spillage may dry looking like spunk

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:45, Reply)

on my sleeve
would be a very odd place for anyone to have blown his wad
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:46, Reply)

When touching the vinegar strokes, aim can be impaired

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:47, Reply)

This is most accurate
Unlike my aim.

*may still feel guilty about ruining a ladies garment*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:47, Reply)

cock ex?
I thought he was non-ex until Jan? Or did you man the fuck up about it and ditch his well toned arse?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:46, Reply)

i got fed up of the total headfuckery over the weekend
following his usual barrage of texts/emails. who texts/emails their ex 4-5 times a day with everything from flirting about when they had sex to deeply intimate stuff about a massive family argument and sends them pics of stuff like their gym and their breakfast "with the teabags that you bought me" if they just want to be friends... but i genuinely don't think he can see that it's confusing...

so yeah, in the end i said, that i wasn't cool with it. and got back some very upset but accepting texts about how he will always want to see me if i ever change my mind and how we are BFFs. which i deleted. then went to my friend's and got very drunk!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

hurrah
I'm very proud
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

fanks
it had to be done eventually. but i haven't been this gutted since i was 21. he's a fucking idiot!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Well a least you've stopped fucking an idiot

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:56, Reply)

an that
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:58, Reply)

TGB sage advice 101
stage 1 - stop fucking idiots.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:58, Reply)

the fucking wasn't so much the problem
he wanted all the other intimate stuff that normally people don't want to keep - in my experience, if they want to keep in touch, they usually want to keep the sex but ditch the rest of it! i told him that it wasn't a friendship, it was him cherrypicking what he wanted out of a relationship, but that went down like a cup of cold sick.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:00, Reply)

eeew cold sick boiks

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:03, Reply)

i love that phrase
so.... accurate.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:04, Reply)

It does actually make me feel a little bit of warm sick in the back of my throat

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:06, Reply)

that and "i could eat a monkey's miscarriage"
are two of my most favourite expressions
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:07, Reply)