I think my dear father must have been drinking.
This morning I have opened an email that reads:

'Avoid combining open flames and flatulence. I have no other wisdom to bestow this evening.'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:26, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Seems like sound advice to me.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:27, Reply)

Sounds to me like he got wazzed on claret and decided to fire up a couple of guffs,
seeing as his wife is away.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Ah. So his hoop probably resembles the Japanese flag this morning then.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:33, Reply)

I fear he's accidentally given himself an express 'sac and crack' job.
The very thought is making me feel extremely unwell.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:36, Reply)

Classy. I can see where you get your poise and general demeanour from*.




*A text book, obviously
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:38, Reply)

Your father's 'Moon River' story cracks me up every time I read it

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:37, Reply)

My brother's and my personal favourite
is when he was passed over for promotion in favour of a colleague. Rather than accept that the chap was better suited to the job, our dear papa concluded that this fellow must be A MASSIVE PAEDO. To do it justice you have to hear it in his plummy voice, but he said to me

'Ferguson always chooses the prettiest choirboys. You mark my words, it'll only be a matter of time before he puts a foot wrong. Or a hand wrong.

Or....A PENIS WRONG'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Hahahahahaa

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:45, Reply)

The dramatic pause at the end was exactly how he delivered it.
We now use 'penis-wrong' as a term to decribe a sexual mishap of some kind.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Magnificent.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:54, Reply)