I have the porcelain skin of a Nordic ubermensch
and as such I have moisturised since my teens. Whilst this might seem utterly bent to some (and with fair reason), it means I am constantly being told I look younger than my 38 years, so fuck you all.

If I wash with normal soap my face feels like it’s a size too small, and in winter my face would be red and sore the whole time were it not for E45 lotion. I'm like a delicate flower, or a fragile geisha. Only a really tough version that's a wow with the ladies.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 15:54, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I know what you mean with the soap thing
Feels too tight and a bit Simon Weston-ey

"LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE!"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 15:56, Reply)

In fairness, you and Weston could have been separated at birth.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 15:57, Reply)

Mine was just sunburn
We were like a cheese toastie when they separated us
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 15:58, Reply)

They were.
They were originally joined at the face.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 15:59, Reply)

They awarded that Simon cunt the 'tache

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:05, Reply)

at birth with a blowtorch.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 10 Feb 2012, 15:59, Reply)

I liked it so much, I put my face on it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:05, Reply)

are you serious?
oh monty :(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:04, Reply)

I'm telling you, it's absolutely essential for me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:06, Reply)

That, and the bumsex

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:06, Reply)

i disagree monty, you've just lost 6 man points
hand in your badge at the desk and join Foxtrot at the Strictly on ice tour
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:06, Reply)

No fucking way. I am NAILS I tell you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:08, Reply)

Except in a strong wind or when its cold

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:08, Reply)

That's when I get my indoor shizzle on.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:14, Reply)

Are shizzles like a onesie then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:15, Reply)

Yes.
With characters from 'In the night garden' on them.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:16, Reply)

*knocks on the door*
*sits on the floor*
*here is my nose*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:17, Reply)

whos there?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:42, Reply)

NAILS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:10, Reply)

+ are done twice a week by Lusty whilst I sit with my pink dressing gown on with a face mask

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:11, Reply)

A pimp gotta look purty.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:13, Reply)

Bent cunt.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:04, Reply)

GAY

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:06, Reply)

Don't use soap.
Nancy.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:06, Reply)