I put it to you, Monty Boyce, if that is your real name,
that everything you've ever said about your wild & crazy antics has been a falsehood, and you are in fact a 53-year-old tax accountant from Cleethorpes with a fine line in Simpsons ties and poorly-executed puns. Your only friend is a potted ficus whom you have named Colin, and even he prefers the company of the radiator. And you only shave one day in five.

I believe the bit about Bruce Lee being your Dad mind
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 8:47, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

*cries*
Alas, you have unmasked me for the moutebank I truly am!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 8:52, Reply)

We all have our secret shame, Basil
I, for example, briefly found fame and a reasonable degree of remuneration in the mid-to-late 90s by "predicting" which numbers would be drawn on the National Lottery, hence my preternatural ability to see through the web of lies you have carefully woven about yourself.

The operation, as you can tell, was a resounding success.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 8:55, Reply)

Clearly: hence 'Derby's First Transgender Mayoral Candidate'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 8:58, Reply)

Seriously, mate, have you ever been to Derby?
You walk in there on hind legs and genitalia won't be a concern, you'll be proclaimed God-King and worshipped by the braying masses in seconds.

But you will be in Derby.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:00, Reply)

I've been to Chesterfield. Will that do?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:02, Reply)

My ex was from Chesterfield
Should've known it wouldn't work.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:06, Reply)

I have felt a chest of a lady from Chesterfield
Does this help?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:25, Reply)

If this happened between 1997 and 2001
I'm afraid I will have to punch your face off
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Is there really that much to distinguish between Nottingham and Derby?
I find the two cities to be interchangeable.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:06, Reply)

*faints dead away*
*wakes up with raging stonk-on*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:08, Reply)