Well it wasn't me. There was a lot of blues and twos in the night though.
G'day good people, I'm sort of back. Three days in hospital last week and a lot of moping about since then. Type 2 diabetes, not even the better type 1. Luton is so second class. The future is bleak, unless I behave myself in the food department.

Cheer me up.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 12:57, 5 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

My back is fucked
Off to hospital tomorrow for blood tests and an ECG as they are worried about my heart rate too
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 12:58, Reply)

I got mine done as part of the service.
See solution to problem 1.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:00, Reply)

My resting heart rate is 45

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:02, Reply)

change the record.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:03, Reply)

*golf claps*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:04, Reply)

I was going to go with 'Cornershops less successful....'

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:05, Reply)

*joke about being single*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:06, Reply)

*followup about changing the record*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Also, amputation is the new piercing
You will be SO trendy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 12:59, Reply)

This is not so funny.
I hate being trendy.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:01, Reply)

DYAAKY
Its the only way. DO it before they chop off your arms though as head dobbers are more difficult to use
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:03, Reply)

^ the voice of experience

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:08, Reply)

The dobber of experience, please

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:12, Reply)

Hey Bart
Glad you're not dead.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 24 Apr 2012, 12:59, Reply)

You for got to add "yet"

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:01, Reply)

Hey dude, I was trying to be positive.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:06, Reply)

So was I.
I must say there was a bunch of head scratching doctors round my bed. Wondering why I wasn't already dead.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:12, Reply)

HiV lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:24, Reply)

Monty related the news at the bash
We were all a little sad and reflective for a moment or two.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:02, Reply)

I do't even care that I lost the money on the train fare and hotel.
Deffo taking the insurance next time.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:07, Reply)

Cake insurance?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:13, Reply)

I say sad and reflective
It might have been more "Bartleby cannot bash today as he has diabetes, signed Bartleby's mum" and suggestions that you should have to bash in your vest and pants.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:15, Reply)

hahahaha!
My wife currently has a note to wear trainers. She is a teacher
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:17, Reply)

Bashing is exactly like PE for fatties.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:17, Reply)

Type two is often associated with being a fat fuck, now it's too late cos your toes have already started to blacken and it won't be long before they'll be off
Not that you'll notice too much cos you'll be blind by then !!
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Another plus side is you'll not see your toes fall off as your kite will be in the way
You may smell them though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Having a stroke face is sexy
not to mention his continuing leg ulcers
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:09, Reply)

FAST
Fat Amputated Seeping Toes
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Rotting flesh stinks man, I dunno how he'll get any sexytime from this 'woman' of his

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:13, Reply)

She hasn't noticed yet.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:15, Reply)

*complicated joke involving Mrs Bartleby being a dog + having no nose*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)

Oi! She has a lovely nose.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Thankee
you ninja cunt
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Will you transcribe my talking books for me Rory?
Do say yes.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:09, Reply)

Yer why not, there was some list yesterday that I'd not read any of, we could start there eh

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:11, Reply)

No thanks.
Can you start on the Rev Audrey Railway series please.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:19, Reply)

Thomas, he's the cheeky one
James is vain, but lots of fun...
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)