Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
« Go Back | Popular
News about news it's newception.
www.guardian.co.uk/media/greenslade/2012/may/15/dailymail-dailytelegraph
I found this hilarious, because it's about reporters misreading things because they're thick.
Alt: I have £250 to give away to the person who will spend it in a interesting way, how would you spend it.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:40, 106 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Alt: on a child's pirate costume, some marihajuajhahana and a 2nd hand swingball set.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:43,
Reply)
The UK's first Meat Raffle was held in a The Sordid Incident pub in Scarborough in 1896.The idea came from the French tradition of Le Gambol Pâté.
The regular Friday night event became famous across the country. However, amazingly, it was only after nearly a year that they discovered the tickets should go in the whirly-roundy-box thing and the meat should go in the suspiciously unmarked polythene bag.
The error was noticed by a passing Frenchman who said "'Ere, you eenleesh peegs, why ave you not put the handfuls of unsanitary looking pâté in thees suspishible polythene sac san marking? Et why ave you instead put zee billets du raffle in it?"
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:31, Reply)
Well I need to pay my water bill, will that do?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:45,
Reply)
If you promise to drown yourself I'll pay the bill for you.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:46,
Reply)
SOMETHING ABOUT ME BEING SKINT!!!!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:47,
Reply)
I'll hum "I'm every woman" as my life slips away(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:48,
Reply)
it's funny because Whitney Houston drowned in na bath!(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:53,
Reply)
I do believe that is the most interesting thing in your life, yes.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:49,
Reply)
This is what having kids does to you TUPs, be warned(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:50,
Reply)
Alt: I might buy a bouzouki or a mandola.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:46,
Reply)
Hi guys! My name's tangledupinblue, you know, off the internet?This is me shortly before I had a bit of 'trouble' on the old Isle of Man:
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:49,
Reply)
IM THE HARDEST MAN ON THE ISLAND!!!JULIETTE!! JULIETTE!!!!
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:50,
Reply)
2 copies of the first 'Ladysmith Black Mambazo' LP for a Yousssoussou N'Dour fridge magnet?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:50,
Reply)
Actually, noI bought exactly the right amount of packs and they all contained 'needs'. Soz.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:51,
Reply)
I wonder how 'Raymond Luxury Yacht Two Griddles' or whatever is doing these days?Remember him?
He was a serious contender for the annual Battered Award for Taking the Intenet Too Seriously.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:54,
Reply)
gridironMy team is ATL and they're coming to dc in October
(
Lisette von Falcon, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:58,
Reply)
One in four men over the age of 25 will have a raffle in their lifetime.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:57,
Reply)
Stastically you're more likely to win a raffle than die in a plane crash(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:58,
Reply)
In Bhutan, it is considered lucky to raffle off your children when they turn sixteen.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:00,
Reply)
War poet Seigfried Sassoon is the patron saint of raffles.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:01,
Reply)
In Gaelic, 'raffle' means 'kidney donor'.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:03,
Reply)
In Navajo culture, the chief's daughter's hand in marriageis decided by inserting lots of coloured leaves into the stomach of a bison, each one attributed to a different man in the tribe. The chief then picks one at random, the owner of which will marry his daughter.
The Navajo word for this is 'Tombola'.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:06,
Reply)
The Germans have no word for raffleIn certain parts of Bavaria there are recorded instances of something called Ticket und billige Flasche Wein Spiel* taking place in non-Lutheran chuches, but efforts to buy a raffle ticket anywhere else in Germany will be met with blank expressions.
*Roughly = Ticket and cheap bottle of wine game.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:10,
Reply)
Jimmy fucking Hill you LIAR.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:11,
Reply)
You caught me outIt is in fact Saxony, not Bavaria.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:15,
Reply)
The first ever raffle was held in Abingdon, Oxfordshire in 1642The winning prize was a pig!
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:03,
Reply)
Gyles Brandreth's definitive history of raffles has been reprinted 13 timesand has outsold the Bible in DR Congo every year since 1986.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:05,
Reply)
If all the raffle tickets sold annually were screwed up and thrown into the O2 arenaThere would be enough to fill 14 double decker buses, FOUR times over....on the moon!
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:08,
Reply)
'raffle' is an anagram of 'frafle'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:11,
Reply)
Who would have thought that there was so much Raffle-related trivia?(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:14,
Reply)
His interest in Raffles stems from the time he won a wooly jumper in one as a childever since he has been fascinated by their history and socio economic impact
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:21,
Reply)
In the original stories, the woodpecker in 'Bagpuss' was called 'Professor Raffle',but they changed the name because it was also the brand name of a kind of cat food at the time.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:06,
Reply)
In Shrewsbury it's illegal for a welshman to win a raffle, but they can still enter.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:10, Reply)
In 1946 Mrs.Edith Button was the first person on record to die of "Raffle related complications"When she accidentally ate a book of tickets, mistaking them for a pink wafer.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:12,
Reply)
During prohibition americans would secretly hold raffles in carparks.(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Sir Thomas Stamford Bingley Raffles had an irrational fear of small pieces of paper.To this day all raffle tickets in Singapore are made from monkey skins.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:21,
Reply)
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full raffle. (, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:22, Reply)
Never turn your back on a raffle, you must backaway whilst maintaining eye contact(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:23,
Reply)
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person won a raffle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person took part in raffles;
if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died during a raffle.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:25, Reply)
I think we've all had quite enough raffleabilia now.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:28,
Reply)
In Victorian time when there was deep interest in the occultmediums would use raffles to entice spirits to their seances, however car had to be taken as if the spirit didn't win then they could turn violent and would have to be captured in a special "tombola"
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:29,
Reply)
Alt: Download tickets, a bootfull of Frosty Jack, some strawberry fruitellas and an "Anybody got any salmon?" t-shirtLolarious rawk happyfuntimes would be had.
*ponders camping*
I could do with a new lawnmower actually, so forget all that.
(
Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:55,
Reply)
Black & Decker Workmates are a 100 fucking quid!!I could do with a new one, and I had a look last night. I couldn't believe it. What am I going to do now?
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:58,
Reply)
get a non branded "workmate" or employ a Pole, I've heard that they are cheap(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:58,
Reply)
How cheap?I'm not above buying a human who doesn't mind me cutting wood across their back.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:59,
Reply)
It's the only language those Poles understand.Well, that and Polish. And English.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:01,
Reply)
*takes notes*Cheers Monts...this is extremely helpful.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:03,
Reply)
Sounds like it's time for a RAFFLE.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:59,
Reply)
YEAH20p each or £1 for a strip. They've all got to go!
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:00,
Reply)
I'll put it towards not coming over there and smashing your face in.And a roland gr55
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:07, Reply)
I thought people only came over here to take my jobs and white women. (, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:08, Reply)
Ro-land from Grange Hill is 55 stone, fact fans.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:08,
Reply)
i want a roland gr55 montymoo.but i am a poor boy.
what shoul d i do?
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:11, Reply)
How many kidneys do you have?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:13,
Reply)
What you want, my boy, is a RAFFLE.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:15,
Reply)
Raffles cigarettes were originally only available on the raffle stalls at summer fetes.(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:22, Reply)
News story reports that news story wasn't, in fact, a news story.I see your dolphin rape and raise you a tide of dago foreigners and darkies
Alt: pretty frocks and shit like that, because I'm trying to pretend I'm not a fat mess on the internet.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 May 2012, 15:12,
Reply)
I read that, I bet people get very angry about that in AmericaThey should probably use that anger for fucking.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Considering it's a country based almost entirely on immigrationthey do seem to have funny ideas about ethnic diversity.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 May 2012, 15:18,
Reply)
cf Australia.It also makes me LOL how fucking racist the Irish are.
The cheeky feckin conts really don't like immigrants.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:21,
Reply)
I hope you're not basing that on Rory.He just doesn't like anyone.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 May 2012, 15:22,
Reply)
Two of my best pals and one of my staff are second generation Paddies.All three people have told me this independently.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:27,
Reply)
Remember when you were a teenagerand you'd stay over at someone's house and all sleep in the same room, and you'd have a running joke about something and there was always one spastic who wouldn't fucking give it up and eventually you couldn't sleep because this twat was still milking it until you hated them and the original joke so much that you actually wished for death?
Well, you are that person and this thread is that sleepover.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:35,
Reply)
Alt: on a child's pirate costume, some marihajuajhahana and a brand new swingball set.(
Peej, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:31,
Reply)
« Go Back | Reply To This »