i committed a cliche b3ta crime at the weekend
i always ignore the instruction to wear gloves when chopping chillies. this particular stir-fry got a whole bag of mixed chillies, including 2 habanero bastards. i must have rubbed my nose or mouth or something, because i quite literally felt as if i had bent down and put half my face into the gas burner. and it hurt like fire for about an hour. fucking retarded.

at least i didn't rub my cock, eh?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 9:50, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

cos you havn't got/can't get one!

(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 9:51, Reply)

how is single life, darling?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 9:56, Reply)

i may or may not have spent yesterday with a charming lady

(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 9:57, Reply)

what, she brought a snake?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 10:01, Reply)

i'm not the most elegant of gentleman

(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 10:05, Reply)

I like your mum too, she really is charming.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 10:01, Reply)

she bloody well is not
the woman has all the subtlety of an air raid
(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 10:05, Reply)

And the flange of an Anderson shelter.
That's part of her charm, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 10:07, Reply)

Just take your "bunker-buster" with you

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 10:13, Reply)

I named that affliction 'taco bell'
BECOS I AM WELL FUNNY.

How were the nephs/nieces?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 9:53, Reply)

super-super-super cute
my nephew was asked to write about the most special person he knew. nearly all his class wrote about batman or spiderman or something. he wrote about his auntie swipe (he called me the cola kid "because she loves diet coke more than anything"). and NO, he did NOT think it meant special in the window-licking sense. it was a lovely day.

how was yours, did you have fun with the monty-clone??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 9:56, Reply)

It was great, she was genuinely excited to see 'Jimi's house'.
I then got super-twisted on excellent wine, home made limoncello and Grolsch. Felt like DEATH all of yesterday, never even got dressed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 10:00, Reply)

At least you didn't knock one in straight after, eh?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 9:56, Reply)

well, yeah
it is normally the first thing i do after braving dead carcass to cook an animal stir-fry. phew.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 9:57, Reply)

I know I do.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 10:01, Reply)

Elvislols

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 9:57, Reply)