mmpsheart
the year is mc1642, scotland has been living under the tyrannical throne of king sportscoo of england for more than mc200 years.

Mmps is a peace-loving man, about to marry his mcfiance, mirren in some godless ceremony invoing flowers and shit, when the local english lord decrees that he should have his way with all the scottish lassies on their wedding night, even if they are a bit ginger.
but mmps won't be having none o' dat, so he picks up his MacClaymore and unleashes holy hell on the entire english army, battering them left right and centre, like mars bars. for some reason he and his mates show them their arses too.

eventually mmps makes his way to london and for some reason nobs a french bird with his MacCock, McFucking her to the greatest McOrgasm she's ever had. "Le Braw!" she sighs.
He confronts King Sporty, "ah yul no beat me, yeh sassanach bastard ye!" he yells, holding his sword aloft.

"leave out mate, I've got issues with me mum and dad," says Sportscow, the pain clearly audible in his strained voice.

"fer fucks sake, man. how ye no know that if ye'd been a be'er son yer maw and paw might no be say shite wi' yer kids, ken?" and he beheads the king with one mighty MacSwing, freeing scotland to conquer the world, setting up haggiseries on every corner and making skirts fashionable for men, but somehow still not being able to win at the football.

They've got golf though, well done them.
(quintsy, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:10, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

This sounds familiar.

( Kroney, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:14, Reply)

I like the historical accuracy in the story.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:16, Reply)

ah dammit, it definitely needs more 'hoots!' and 'jings!'

(quintsy, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:17, Reply)

and "ochayes" and moar "FREEEEEEDOOOOOOM"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:19, Reply)

I think you are being a bit racist there, localboy.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:20, Reply)

i can't believe he was jsut so racist about the lovely scottish people, tangles
doesn't he realise how much they've done for us?
(quintsy, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:22, Reply)

go on then, what have they done for us?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:24, Reply)

they invented the tv, the phone and skag

(quintsy, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:27, Reply)

Some people are just ungrateful, q.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:24, Reply)

How?
I see no surrendering, garlic, cheese or shoulder-shrugging in it.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:17, Reply)

I find the French bird unrealistic.
She would light a Gitane, shrug her shoulders and tell him Claude was better.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:21, Reply)

but you'll never take OUR MARS BARS!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:38, Reply)