I would have liked to have been a Butcher, a purveyor if fine meats to the well-heeled of Great Britain.
If I was any good at Association Footballs I would like to have been a Footballist. Go on, the footballs, the crowd would cheer, as I put the footballs in to the goals of the other team. O, Devil, they would sing, you are actually one of the best footballists there is!

Alt: Stew and Dumplings, you mother!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:36, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

actually one of the best footballists there is! not quite as shit as Gervinho
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:37, Reply)

There are very few things on this planet that are not quite as shit as Gervinho.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:39, Reply)

I've had shits that aren't as shit as Gervinho.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:39, Reply)

I've had your mum

(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:40, Reply)

How was she?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)

Not quite as shit as Gervinho

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)

I imagine Gervinho is absolutely brilliant at foreplay
but when it comes to actually getting in there he can't sort his appendages out and shoots wide.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:43, Reply)

I think it's more like he's an azaming date
He brings the flowers, books the finest restaurant in town, has a sparkling conversation and chooses the perfect menu. Then they ride back to his place in horsedrawn carriage before he attempts to open the front door but instead punches he repeatedly in the face before dumping her corpse in a shallow grave in the woods and then trying again the following week, with the same result.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:47, Reply)

Still, he's better than Chamakh, eh?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:49, Reply)

I'm really cross with the whole team actually.
I think they should all stop getting paid until they can prove they are able to actually play football.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:51, Reply)

Who hasn't?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)

Nobody except you.
Even your wife has had your mum. She said she preferred your mum to you, but didn't want to hurt your feelings.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:42, Reply)

This is just too weird for words.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:44, Reply)

That's what your mum said when I insisted on wearing a mask of your face when I did her.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:47, Reply)

Did you tell her it was alright,
she wouldn't see your face from the angle you were going to do her anyway?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:49, Reply)

No.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:51, Reply)

Dumplings are fucking brilliant aren't they
I've tried to make them a few times but they never turn out as well as my mothers. They don't seem to crisp up enough on top.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:39, Reply)

I am a huge fan of your mother's dumplings and in that I am far from alone.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:40, Reply)

They are very fine.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:43, Reply)

I've only made them a few times:
1st time: COR! Just like Gran makes 'em!
2nd time: Acceptable
3rd time: FUCK THIS! *throws them out of window*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)