life isn't fucking fair
clothing fail: failed to notice my spray-in hair conditioner drizzled all over my top this morning. it has dried looking like a tramp's salty spooge stain somewhere between tit and armpit (yes they are separate. unless i lie down). now i've just washed my hands and covered the bottom half of it in water. i look like a retard.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:02, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

No change there then.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:03, Reply)

shut up gecko

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:04, Reply)

I wrote an advertising jingle
If you can't reach your clunge
Why not try an ample sponge?
Then to sanitise your pipes
Baryatric fanny wipes
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:09, Reply)

hahaha
9.5/10 from the bariatric judge.

10/10 if you email it to them as a suggestion...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:10, Reply)

That's beautiful.
If only Nick Drake were here to sing it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:12, Reply)

we have our very own goose honking out a fart in the fog here
who needs nick drake or michael mcdonaaaaaaaald?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:17, Reply)

tl;dr
Bagpiping fail
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:21, Reply)

it's 2 lines you lazy fucktard

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:24, Reply)

To be honest, I want wanted to call you out for bagpiping

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:25, Reply)

bagpiping is for babies
tromboning is where it's at
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:32, Reply)

PARP!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Mar 2013, 14:34, Reply)