I've just been to Smiths!
There's some hardcore shopping win going on, here.

Turns out I can't wrap up presents. This was a box. I failed to wrap up a perfectly square box. Should I kill myself now or later?
( Kroney, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:48, 4 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

both.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:49, Reply)

right now, wrap you head on wrapping paper until you suffoctae

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:49, Reply)

Somehow I've managed to get the paper on two sides looser than a freshly fucked weasel
and the other two sides are tighter than a nun's twat. I don't understand how this is even possible.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:51, Reply)

it'll be your extra chromosome

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:51, Reply)

You didn't send me any text.
It either didn't leave your phone, or you sent it to somebody that isn't me.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:58, Reply)

one of these may be right
but you may still grovel like the dirty little bitch that you are
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:58, Reply)

Shan't

( Kroney, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:02, Reply)

*reads grovelling text*
*sneers*

*deletes*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:03, Reply)

Typical blobbing

( Kroney, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:04, Reply)

It's because, and I can't emphasise this enough
you touch yourself at night.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:52, Reply)

at night, in the morning, in church...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:54, Reply)

everybody touches themselves in church
it's what Jesus would have wanted.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:57, Reply)

huh
and yet, and yet, i think the bible says the exact opposite...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:59, Reply)

The bible is a mass of contradictions.
It's no wonder priests need to console themselves with choirboys.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:02, Reply)

the trivk is to only pick the bits that support your beliefs and denounce the other bits

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:07, Reply)

or, just, k'know, treat it like the story it so clearly is.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:10, Reply)

stone him! blasphemy! only if he escapes can he live.
but because he's a guy, right, only bury him to the waist. if that bitch had been a woman, he'd be buried right up to his neck. he'd still get the chance to escape, just.... whilst he's buried right up to his neck.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:13, Reply)

It's funny how heterosexual sex before marriage is verboten
but bumming a pre-pubescent boy is just fine by God.

Seems odd.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:07, Reply)

God was all about loving the pederast.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:08, Reply)

One of David Bowie's less successful singles.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:31, Reply)

now
and get someone to post the video on here
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:50, Reply)

typical blobbing.

( Kroney, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:51, Reply)

Heaven knows you're miserable now.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 13:55, Reply)