shush now and check this out
OH FUCKING INTERNET WHY WON'T YOU WORK? IT LOOKS COOL ON MY PHONE

All the single ladies, all the single ladies...

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( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:21, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I preferred being Clare Rayner if it's all the same

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:24, Reply)

you need the < to make it sassy
she's not sassy
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:26, Reply)

have you ever been in a normal relationship ?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:27, Reply)

yes of course
not this one, admittedly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:29, Reply)

not believing this

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:32, Reply)

normal is boring
why would i come on here and go, the bloke made toast for breakfast in bed today, i had to meet his mum for a pub lunch, blah blah...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:33, Reply)

if you think that normal is boring then you're doing it all wrong
being in a string of abusive relationships indicates a serious character weakess on your behalf. HTH xxx
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:35, Reply)

normal is fine offline
but i wouldn't come on here and talk about it. i'd be al.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:37, Reply)

WAKI WAKI WAKI is pretty tedious too

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:39, Reply)

NEVER

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:42, Reply)

if you ever want to talk rachel... I'm here for you.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:43, Reply)

yes
your unique brand of tough love could help me with anything

anything from suicide to attempted suicide
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:44, Reply)

I cry sometimes too you know. At all the beauty that there is in this World ...

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:45, Reply)

i'm sure you had a sob story about a bird who behaved badly
but i can't remember if you gazzed it or put it on here, so i can't repeat it :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:47, Reply)

My hawt valentines date was 'the worst date of my life' for the lucky recipient
What can I say, when your hot your hot
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:48, Reply)

is that the steak witch?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:50, Reply)

Jesus, No.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:52, Reply)

oh
you should tell me more. i am good at helping.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:59, Reply)

roffle

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 18:07, Reply)

at least you should take me out for steak
given that i don't eat it. MOAR steak for you. that's a no-brainer.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 18:14, Reply)

It's a hawt d8. We can bring conveyancing folders and stuff

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 18:26, Reply)

saucy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 18:36, Reply)

i'll even dig out my 'Elements of Land Law' 1994 edition. It'll be a hoot.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 18:49, Reply)

why did you ebay all of his 'gifts' and then go back to him ?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:28, Reply)

i forgot about that
must do it before it gets too warm for anyone to want designer gloves
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:30, Reply)

so it was pretend internet stuff, oh rachel :( you lied to us

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:33, Reply)

sssh now
i stuffed them in a cupboard and forgot about them.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:33, Reply)

have you ever accidentally asked him to get you a korma and a cobra beer?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:28, Reply)

i'm not monty

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:30, Reply)

these things happen to the best of us

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:33, Reply)

also it'd be pretty lol, especially with his massive shoulder chip

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:34, Reply)

i'd get excommunicated

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:35, Reply)

Can I have a curry and a tiger beer please?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:30, Reply)

This hasn't happened.
Not many Indian waiters wear pink hotpants, Rory. Come on, man, think sense.
( Kroney, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:30, Reply)

that would be a niche restaurant
cat-man-do
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:32, Reply)

You know what looks cool on your phone?
All those pictures of my bumhole I sent you
Enjoy yourself
( Theoban What of it, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:28, Reply)

i thought that was your head
what with all that frizzy dark hair
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:31, Reply)

It looks like a pig's eating a muppet :(

( Theoban What of it, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:32, Reply)

still better than some people's faces

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:32, Reply)

definately not as shiney

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:43, Reply)

greasy head is a bad look
wash your face, you tramp
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:44, Reply)

What is this?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:29, Reply)

on your iphone it is a cool text pic of beyonce dancing
on here it's... well, pretty shit, let's face it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:30, Reply)

This is pants. 100%

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:42, Reply)

alright Bats?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:43, Reply)

Yeah. You?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 1 May 2013, 17:45, Reply)