when was mini badger born?
In my experience it takes a few weeks to all "knit" back together
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:06, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Emergency C-section, my friend.
Choice of a new generation*

*not at all, it was fucking awful, but no "knitting" required.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:09, Reply)

shit, not nice...
mini ape had to be pulled out by vontoose as her heart rate was dripping alarmingly, very nervous time. Luckily she didn't get a cone head as a result.

FOBTMN
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:13, Reply)

yeah, same, except in place of "dropping" read "stopping"
However, when they whipped her out there were no signs of distress at all, so I can only assume at at the age of 0 my daugher is already adept at taking the fucking piss.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:15, Reply)

sounds about right

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:15, Reply)

They tried a vontoose on micro, didn't work. Forceps look brutal, like massive BBQ tongs.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:21, Reply)

And a few more weels to get your 'appetite' back if you were at the business end for the birth

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:10, Reply)

A friend of mine offered up this legendary advice, in response to the "what's it like, y'know, being at the business end when she's giving birth?"
He shuddered, took a long drink of his pint, and said "it's like watching your favourite pub burn to the ground"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:12, Reply)

I found it fascinating, never bother me at all afterwards
there is that weird part where only the head is out and your wife looks like a playing card, but you know swings and roundabouts.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:14, Reply)

Indeed. Obviously I can't comment on that.
It's quite entertaining being in the theatre when your background gives you a level of knowledge of what's going on, though. I mean, once you've got some control over the whole "my wife and child might die" shit.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:16, Reply)

My baby was born using forceps.
LOTS of blood, swearing and tearing.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:19, Reply)

and that was just the conception..

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:19, Reply)

Not being a father, I don't know for certain
but I would imagine it takes a while to find your torn, bloodied and freshly shat-herself wife sexually attractive again.

If I have a kid, you'll find me in a man's natural place. Out in the corridor with a pipe, pacing.
( Kroney, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:13, Reply)

god just imagine as she prolapses, haemorrhages and shits herself that an enormous swarm of vampire moths flies out of her ruined orifices all covered in blood and shit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:17, Reply)

POTD.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:17, Reply)

deffo going for that kebab now

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:19, Reply)

THIS is why you are good at the internet

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:24, Reply)

can you gaz me Kronely's phone number so I can text him this just before bedtime?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:26, Reply)

SURE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 May 2013, 17:33, Reply)