next thing
to make me laugh and gibber - my friend sally is doing "my single friend". this guy has just emailed her for a date:





"I just want to meet someone who is:

1. smart

2. funny (as in amusing discourse not "ha ha look at the strange incontinent lady with an ASBO anklet chasing cars and screaming at lampposts")

3. very hot

4. not mental (in a clinical sense). (I guess this is also covered by point 2)

I should also probably add that some of my good friend's reportage is not quite accurate. Although I am not going to qualify myself here...

Further, the picture should be explained. It was taken in Florence where I was attempting to emulate a dodgy fountain. Up until this point I promise I had been attentive and serious at all times appreciating the beauty of the Renaissance work of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

So if you fit 1 to 4 get in touch...

UPDATE MAY 07

Hello!!! Please read the above carefully. It's kind of a joke but not really.

Please consider carefully if you meet the above highly objective criteria.

DO NOT get in touch if you: look like a man, are hideously obese, think you have a sense of humour but are in fact so dull you should in fact be euthanized, are a dwarf, do not look like your photo, looked like your photo but this was about 20 years ago before you took hormone injections and started body-building, have massive protruding teeth, think it's appropriate to punch kick or smash glasses on a date when you don't quite get their sense of humour, wear a really bad Margaret Thatcher wig, usually turn up to dates looking like Nosferatu or his favourite gravedigger, think books are obsolete now that TV has been invented, have a drug problem, eat with your mouth open and spit bits of food everywhere, blend in at the farm or zoo, don't usually wear matching shoes, have killed someone and it wasn't self-defence, or enjoy torturing and/or killing pets and/or small animals.

This would really improve matters."



my my, someone has got some major tickets on himself!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:24, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No wonder he's single
sounds like a right tool!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:44, Reply)

I wonder if those criteria are based on his past dates
I'm now imagining a buck-toothed body-building dwarf in a Thatcher wig and mis-matched shoes, turning up to a date with a pocketful of maimed gerbils.
( le brian, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:54, Reply)

If you've ever been on the dating scene around here
you'll see his requests as being eminently reasonable.

I swear I was approached by Marty Feldman's ugly kid sister.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 18:04, Reply)

Surely it's meant to be tongue-in-cheek?
I mean, come on...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 18:36, Reply)

And I thought
I was picky!


1. male
2. breathing
3. sense of humour
4. in good shape
5. must like teh kittins
6. must not like rap or dress like a chav

( Maladicta, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 18:46, Reply)

He sounds like a laugh
I mean that seriously...I like people who are articulate and know what they want.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:22, Reply)

Actually
it sounds like something I might have written.

Back when I was on match.com I wrote a rather dryly humorous and rather offbeat profile, much in the style I tend to use in here. I got a lot of responses to it, but one woman I knew told me that her sister (who didn't know me) thought I sounded arrogant and cocky.

That gave me the giggles.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:25, Reply)

I like him.
Besides, having tickets on yourself is only a bad thing if they're not warranted. Maybe he just is that awesome.
( Kroney, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 7:44, Reply)

I think his honesty is refreshing.
Don't know if I'd go there though.
( girlinthehole, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 8:51, Reply)

If I was a woman
I'd definitely go for him. Boring farts who like "theatre, long romantic walks, candlelit dinners & books" are two a penny. I think he's got an excellent vetting process.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 9:54, Reply)

I agree with Kroney
you have to blow your own trumpet, because no one else is going to blow it for you.

and through my long experience of being good-natured, friendly, sensitive and humorous I've definitely seen that it's the cocks who get the action.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 10:07, Reply)

If I was on that site
I'd go for him. Sounds like a interesting, potentially very funny person.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 10:44, Reply)

@ Vipros
having nobody to blow my trumpet for me is a fact of my life at the moment.

Fnar fnar.
( Kroney, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 12:06, Reply)