Dear B3ta...

Now I may be a bluff old traditionalist, but I always believe it customary to START A NEW QOTW reasonably quickly after closing the previous one.

Come on, Chthonic. It was funny you putting that answer on my post before shutting it down...*doffs cap*...but please...

for the love of Jim Bowen's blessed crack pipe...

pull.your.finger.out

Edit: If something doesn't happen soon...lord help me...I'll have to *gulps*...do some work.

And if I do, let that be on your conscience
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:18, 41 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Ahem.
"That's what she said!"

_{(Re: Pulling finger out.)}

Yes, but seriously, can we have a new question, please?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:20, Reply)

I'd prefer to put my finger in, to be honest
Any volunteers?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:21, Reply)

Into where?
...

_{Possible new QOTW?}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:22, Reply)

Who knows....
Anywhere interesting will do!

(although I draw the line at mousetraps)
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:23, Reply)

*drums fingers on keyboard*
.akgjhao;';mnvjhg;lakfnbfla

*considers the many, many locations disasterprone could insert a questing digit*

*boaks*


*is very very bored*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:23, Reply)

I'm sober for the first time in years
And fucking bored as a result...

A new QOTW would be helpful...

@ WeeWitch - And I have just eaten... Inserting a dgit and boaking would help me keep my trim figure. And if bulemia was good enough for Diana...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:25, Reply)

where a finger goes,
surely a tongue must follow.

*drifts off into reverie*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:26, Reply)

My friend does claim
to have counted all the possible/potential orifices on the human body.

And came up with somewhere in the region of 30.

I asked him how: "You've got to be creative."

And b3tans are nothing if not creative.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Passing time
I'm rewriting some of my QOTW posts and pasting them up on Facebook, so my friends can ignore enjoy them too.

Having to sanitize a 500 word story for swearing, nudity and general offensiveness is no easy task.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:27, Reply)

If the QOTW doesn't change soon
I'll be forced to write another crappy poem.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Only if you're lucky CCB
but usually, yes...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:27, Reply)

@disasterprone
no, no, not bulimia. Ruinous on the old tooth-enamel.

Try eating nothing but Weetabix and All Bran for three day every week. It's called the "Shit yourself thin" diet!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:28, Reply)

@DP...

What the bloody hell are you doing sober?

I shudder to think what would happen to me if I ever attained the sober state again.

*shudders*

Booze man, stat!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:28, Reply)

@ Supreme Crow
30!!!!!

Jesus... there's a challenge to keep us entertained until the QOTW changes....
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:28, Reply)

do eyes count
as orifices?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:30, Reply)

I thought I'd put the Supreme Cow's friends theory to the test.

But after putting my finger in orifice number 12 I decided that that will do for the day.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:30, Reply)

I've had a very heavy 6 weeks,
spent a fortune, been raided and half destroyed my liver, kidneys and brain.

So I'm having a couple of weeks R&R
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:30, Reply)

@ Pooflake
I made it to orifice 13, and now need to wash my hands
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:31, Reply)

Crow
30? Really???

I only appear to have 10 actual orifices (counting each nostril separately) so where the heck are the other 20?

Unless your "friend" is counting the gaps between fingers and toes and the armpits ......
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:31, Reply)

OK, List time...
Mimsy
Bumhole
Ears x2
Eye Sockets x2
Nostrils x2
Mouth

I make that 9
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:32, Reply)

maybe
they were counting open wounds?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:33, Reply)

^ chcb
and were friends of Kaol .....

I make 10, 11 if you count the tummy button as an orifice. Which it isn't really, more of a depression.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:35, Reply)

He may have been watching Crash
when he compiled the list I guess...

@ WW - which one am I missing?

Do piercings count?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:35, Reply)

He claims
that even he was not sufficiently deviant to suggest the eye sockets. Partly because you'd have to remove part of the body to allow access to the socket, which is cheating - you might as well start cutting holes in people or undoing their belly buttons.

However, elbows, backs of knees, gaps between fingers and toes and armpits have, I think been considered. Though he never confirmed that officially.

Edit @TWW: And some people can have an "outy" belly button.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:36, Reply)

Ah, DP...

You made it to 'lucky 13'...

You're a braver man than I.

And you're sober too?

After checking your reasons however, I concur with your wisdom and willpower. I myself was wracked with Gout a week or so back and as a result spent nearly 24 hours without the sensation of having yummy Strongbow swishing around inside my rotting innards.

I think I've only just recovered from the shakes....I was like some spacker nephew of Michael J Fox

never again
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:36, Reply)

@dp
you've got mimsy and bumhole - but we laydees have three orifices "downstairs" as it were. Really, I thought you'd have known that ....
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:36, Reply)

We can't count urethra, surely!
Also, Supreme Crow, an orifice is a hole, not a source of friction.

Smack your mate for being thick.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:38, Reply)

@Theweewitch...

DP knows more than I do...I only recently discovered that girlies have mimsies
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:38, Reply)

@DP
You're right, of course _{you fucking pedant}. I think he was, in fact, counting any area that somebody could have sex with, so not necessarily a proper orifice. Of course, I welcome any opportunity to slap him. (Especially if he did include the urethra on that list.)

And your abbreviated name is wonderfully appropriate to this discussion.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:40, Reply)

I've always thought quality not quanitity was important.
When it came to orifices for sexual pleasure.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:41, Reply)

once a conclusive list has been drawn up
I will personally see to it that I investigate every single one of those orifices (orifix? orifi?). Oral report pending.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:41, Reply)

Orifum.
And I look forward to pending your oral report.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:42, Reply)

@BGB...

That's where you've been going wrong, kitten.

it's all about the number of places one can stick his sleazy lurve sausage.

'Any hole's a goal' etc
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:42, Reply)

If you go far enough into the throat, it splits into three pathways
One to the nose, one to the lungs, one to the stomach...
( Cawl, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:43, Reply)

I wonder...

How many different TASTES your average human body can provide?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:45, Reply)

@BGB
If one orifice becomes sore, the other options are essential...

plus any good session requires the use of at least 2 orifices.

And yes, I am a fucking pedant...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:46, Reply)

We may need to be more specific, Mr Pooflake:
Is that "how many different substances will it secrete that one can taste?"

Or is it more an Oz Clarke / Jilly Goulden style "Ooh, yes, I'm getting anchovies, sniff I'm getting salt...and a subtle hint of stale cheese..."?

Edit: @DP - not to worry, normally when I call someone a fucking pedant, responses tend to include the words "pot", "kettle", "black" and "don't say that word in front of your grandmother."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:48, Reply)

I think after titty fucking your just being inventive for the sake of saying you've done it.
If someone tried to fuck my armpit I'd have to slap them silly.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:49, Reply)

@ Supreme Cow...
^^^The first one^^^
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:49, Reply)

Ding Bleeding Dong!

They've finally started the next QOTW...

'Blood' eh???

*Thinks*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:51, Reply)

@Poof Lake
I think the responses may vary depending on the gender of the test subject.

Edit: Oh, they've started a new one? Thank fuck...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 14:52, Reply)