I've been published by Picador, actually.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:27, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

i've read your turgid drivel
a mong tiger could do better
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:27, Reply)

I love that mong tiger

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:28, Reply)

wotevs, o champion of chick lit and 'sitcom' garbage

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:28, Reply)

clue: try to be too clever when you're not that clever... and people simply won't want to read it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:29, Reply)

this is funny because it's coming from you

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:31, Reply)

i've never claimed to write anything clever
who makes more money, obscure cleverclogs or jilly cooper?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:33, Reply)

I dunno, let me text my mate Martin Amis and ask him how much he's worth.
And it says a lot about you that you assess the value of literature only with reference to commercial transactions.

How crass.

How many times has Jilly Cooper won the Booker prize?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:37, Reply)

you don't produce anything like that
you're all high end pretension - all fart and no poo.

sure, if I could choose, i'd love to write booker contending stuff, but that's simply not my style. I can write light, funny, slightly sad/cutting things in a certain style that got me a distinction in my main pieces from oxford and 5 agents handing me their cards because it was not as clever or beautiful as the girl who wrote a poetic novel - but they knew they could sell mine, whereas nobody would read hers. if I ever manage to get the time to write anything publishable, it won't be great literature, it will be froth. but it will make people laugh, and it will pay the rent. i'd be very happy with that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:43, Reply)

Oxford Brookes.
And...rent? How vulgar.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:45, Reply)

oxford brookes don't even offer that course
but if they did, you sure as hell wouldn't get in
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 11:00, Reply)

haha!
Upset!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 11:01, Reply)

speak for yourself
but don't use ten long words where one will do, eh?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 11:02, Reply)

Yeah, like you know Martin Amis.
Martin's the newsagent is a bit posh for you.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:56, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:31, Reply)

hahahaha!!!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:32, Reply)

clickin dis

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:32, Reply)

genius

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:33, Reply)

oh, bravo.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:50, Reply)

I have to ask
did that come up on a google image search for "mong tiger" ? because, that pretty much sums up the the zenith and nadir of the internet in one if it did
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:58, Reply)

I saw it first as a 'down's syndrome tiger'
It's one of my favourite pieces of the internet
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:59, Reply)

what the hell were you searching for??

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 11:02, Reply)

spazzy animals obviously

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 11:03, Reply)

Top quality internet, right there.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:57, Reply)

Come to Newcastle
Its all "pick a window" here
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:28, Reply)

p L
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:35, Reply)

oh, so THAT'S the point of you?
well done.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 10:36, Reply)