boss/client foot in mouth
so when it was warm a few weeks ago, i replied to my boss who asked how i was: "all hot and sweaty". my team will NEVER let me forget this.

then a few days later, i spoke to a client and said, "hi, how are you? are you hot?"

now i've just left a random twittering vm for another client that ends with: "call me so i can tell you exactly what i'm doing right now."

each time, there is a bit of a strangulated silence before i realise what i've said, try not to giggle like the feeble minded child that i am, and move the conversation on with some difficulty.

what dumb things have you said to clients or other important people??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Aug 2008, 15:40, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

dumb? Maybe...
"Yeah, ok, but what do you want?" - 50 times a day or so.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 20 Aug 2008, 15:42, Reply)

When winding up a call
I gave out the standard "enjoy the rest of your day" line to a woman ..... who's husband had just died.



Woooopsie!


She didn't say anything, just hung up. Phew
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 20 Aug 2008, 15:42, Reply)

I couldn't resist it.
One of the managers was in discussion with a designer regarding the Big Project, and they kept referring to one of the pipe runs (which are assigned letters). After the third of fourth reference to Pipe R, I could stand it no longer. "AAARRRRRR!"

The designers cracked up, at least...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 20 Aug 2008, 15:48, Reply)

Recently, after completing my 3 month probation at my new job...
My boss approached me with my formal job confirmation and as he shook my hand I said:

'Well thank fuck for that...finally I can stop pretending that I give a shit and get on with doing cock all like the rest of you lot!'

As I pointed towards the rest of my team.

Despite my timid smile....they didn't appreciate the joke very much.

Nor did my boss.

I sat in silence (on B3ta) for the rest of the day
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 20 Aug 2008, 15:51, Reply)

Hmm I don't regret it
But as I was handing my notice in at my last job the HR zombie asked me where I was going to which I gleefully replied "Somewhere with prospects!" and then skipped out the office.

Then I realised I had 5 weeks to go.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Aug 2008, 15:55, Reply)

I used to work for a very "professional" accountancy firm
A mailshot was sent to clients offering to assist with completing Child Tax Credit forms.

Said mailshot landed on the doormat of the wife of one of our clients.

On the day of his funeral.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 20 Aug 2008, 16:20, Reply)

Yes, I am hot
Thanks for asking!

I never say anything stupid. I am a sterling example of vocal clarity and loquacity.

Yes.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Aug 2008, 16:39, Reply)

just remembered this one
Years ago, when working for an insurance broker, we sent an "ooops sorry" gift to a client after screwing up some paperwork.

We sent him golf balls.

He was claiming on his mate's car insurance after an accident left him paraplegic.

Talk about kicking a man when he's down .... not surprisingly, they're not in business any more.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 20 Aug 2008, 17:32, Reply)

Well
I did tell a 'customer' to fuck off once when I worked for the DSS.

Mind you, it was my last day before I moved to pastures new and he was being a complete arse to me after I asked him 'if he'd tried ringing the Contributions Agency himself first'. Being that if I rang them on his behalf I'd end up having a 3 way conversation on the phone, from behind a screen and round a corner where the phone was - not an ideal situation... I think 10 years of pent up frustration got the better of me at the point when he started accusing me of not being interested and deliberately unhelpful - to which I replied "you want unhelpful? Get out".

Stunned silence.

"Go on, fuck off out of here. I'm trying to explain why I asked the question I did and all you're doing is ranting at me. So if you can't be civilised, you can fuck off".

"I'm going to report you"!

"I. Don't. Care. I'm leaving here at 4pm and never coming back". *Brief pause* "You still here"?

*grumble mutter*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 21 Aug 2008, 12:31, Reply)