When the world fails, peak oil kicks in and there ain't no electric. Can you make fire, in a fireplace, without firelighters?
Just a bit of paper and wood? Just got into work, been told by bar gimp 'it wouldn't work'. They have been trying since 12.00 to make a fucking fire in the fireplace. What basic survival skill do you lack? I'd like to learn shoemaking.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 14:37, 76 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

I can't imagine life without cheese
So I'll probably go postal long before my other life skills attain usefulness or obsolescence
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:05, Reply)

or learn to make cheese

(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:24, Reply)

if he can't make a fire. then he's not worth minimum wage

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:14, Reply)

Don't tell McBeef, but Size have a huge sale on.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:19, Reply)

That's ironic
Cos the town of Sale is populated entirely by fat bastards
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:28, Reply)

City are still 0-0

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:31, Reply)

Make that 1-0 up.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:40, Reply)

I know how to lay a proper coal fire.
My gran taught me that when I was a teenager. I only ever started them with matches, though. I imagine I could have a go with a flint and stone, but that whole Bear Grylls 'rubbing sticks together' bit might be slightly beyond me without some practice.

Come the revolution, I am going to be valuable for my enormous brain and wealth of knowledge.
And access to drugs, obvs.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:36, Reply)

^cave man

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:40, Reply)

Hello darling
EDIT: not saying hello in order to get drugs
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:41, Reply)

Good job, really.
I'm not allowed to bring them home with me.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:45, Reply)

What fire starting technique did you use to burn the pier down?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:43, Reply)

Ssssshhhh.
That's classified.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 28 Dec 2014, 15:44, Reply)

I bet the bastards, smoking in the doorway are pissing themselves with laughter

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 16:36, Reply)

yes because I'm not a fluid.
My parents have got a wood burner and the amount of attention my dad pays to it would make you think it's the international space station rather than something even primitive man understood.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 17:22, Reply)

Fell asleep during the radio commentary of the Bristol City game.
Woke up to find they'd won again.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 17:25, Reply)

they'd won again I pissed in my own mouth
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 18:25, Reply)

I didn't, but I would imagine it would taste better than Fosters McBeefs afternoon drinks.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 18:30, Reply)

I can't work it out
she would have been spoiling for an argument not matter what he drank
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 18:41, Reply)

Maybe he didn't want to be wobbly in charge of a small person.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 18:52, Reply)

You think so?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 18:56, Reply)

I would say it was likely.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 18:58, Reply)

Hey if Cameron can do it
Then why not beefers
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:13, Reply)

Also I had a Sailor Jerry spiced rum presentation pack given to me
I'm drinking it with Angostura aromatic bitters and ginger beer, it's actually a very nice tipple would recommend*

*Then again I would recommend anything over Fosters
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 18:48, Reply)

That drink makes you sound ginger beer
That's for certain
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:11, Reply)

Harters perfect night out.
Ginger beer, on Wigan pier with a load of queers.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:14, Reply)

Catchphrase for the night
" don't stop now dear, I am so very near"
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:16, Reply)

lol

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:17, Reply)

haha hartley hare is a homosexual male who enjoys being the passive partner

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:18, Reply)

FOD

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:27, Reply)

It was all in the presentation pack, so I gave it a go

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:17, Reply)

And that your honour
Is why I was wearing the schoolgirl outfit
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:19, Reply)

alright

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:31, Reply)

Ha ha top internetting from me there

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:32, Reply)

a functioning pancreas

(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:31, Reply)

That's that Italian ham innit

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:33, Reply)

I had a very ordinary steak at an Italian joint last night
If there's one thing I can't abide it's a mediocre steak.
(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 19:34, Reply)

Poorly cooked ?
Bad cut ?

What made it mediocre
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 20:32, Reply)

cut too thin and lazily trimmed
no excuse for a gristly entrecôte
(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 20:33, Reply)

That is shit
I dont mind a thin steak French style but poorly trimmed is inexcusable
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 20:36, Reply)

Wipe some kitchen roll in your grill tray and use that to light the fire
In the woods I'm not so sure, I think you need flint and hay or summat. So as long as I could fashion a vibrator from something I should survive alright.
( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Sun 28 Dec 2014, 21:14, Reply)

this is better
I was thinking about finding two pencils, wearing down both ends to expose the 'lead', connecting to the mains via a 40watt incandescent lightbulb (IE, break into the lamp wire and split the live wire out & cut it, and connect each loose end of it to a pencil) then use the two pencils, held wrapped in fabric, to make an arc light over some tinder

Dangerous but at about 120v assuming the lead-carbon arc had a similar resistance to the bulb coil, it'd be pretty hot without being entirely lethal to the user
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Mon 29 Dec 2014, 18:29, Reply)