I'm turning into a DIY bore
Yesterday I bought some sealant for my kitchen, which I'm refitting (slowly and amateurishly).

The tube says that it dries "in at least 24 hours".

To my mind, that translates as meaning that, at some point between now and the end of the universe, the sealant will dry. I'm neither surprised nor reassured by this.

What ridiculous labels and warnings have you seen recently?


Hmmm... potential QoTW topic?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 10:20, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*grins*
You wonderful man :D
( Cawl, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 10:21, Reply)

On a bag of peanuts.
May contain nuts.
( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 10:36, Reply)

On a haridryer...
In a hotel:

"Do Not Use in the Shower"

(It's an old Jack Dee joke, but I've seen it with mine own eyes!)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 10:42, Reply)

Posted.
www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post247341

You may now go and click...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 11:01, Reply)

There's some good ones here.
www.oddee.com/item_88437.aspx

The label in french made me laugh quite a bit.
( wanderlust, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Tulip told me a good one
On a twisty Scottish Borders road:

Beware, sheep and other traffic.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 11:10, Reply)

Well, having visited the Far East
I was rather alarmed to see 'safety' notices in hotel lobbies and rooms that declared 'when there is a fire...'

WHEN there is a fire??? Is this a regular occurance or something? Do Asian hotels regularly combust, rendering the lifts unusable?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Sep 2008, 11:40, Reply)

I still have.........
a tin of blackboard paint with the instruction "Apply at least one coat".

How do you apply LESS than one coat?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 12:29, Reply)

@CP
That's a fabulous sales pitch. Imagine: you're walking along with nary a thought of ever painting a blackboard. But with an instruction like that, you kinda have to.

By law.

Possibly.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 12:32, Reply)

My favourite
was on a table tennis table I once saw in a hall. It had care instructions written on it.

The first was: Do not expose this table to rain or moisture.

Further down the list: To clean table, use warm soapy water.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 12:44, Reply)

This is why
You should never have sex on a table-tennis table.
( Cawl, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 12:54, Reply)

Enzyme
A man of science such as yourself should have figured out that drying times depend on humidity and temperature.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 13:02, Reply)

@MM
In which case, it's quite possible that, given a high enough temperature and low enough RH, the stuff would dry in less than 24 hours. So the instructions are still bollocks!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 13:17, Reply)

On a box of matches

"keep away from fire"

?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 18 Sep 2008, 13:37, Reply)

^^This^^
If it takes at least 24 hours, fine. I won't buy it, but the warning makes sense.
If it dries in 24 hours, fine too.

But you can't have both.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 13:38, Reply)

Clever cunts
the lot of you. Fuck off back to brainland.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 13:58, Reply)

Prolly bindun
however, www.engrish.com/category/instructions/

Some of these are piss funny.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 14:19, Reply)

Recently
I saw this when I went to do my recycling:



It perplexed me. Having lugged all my empty plastic bags and cardboard boxes all the way there, I was reluctant to lug them all the way home again. Eventually I chose to ignore it.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 17:29, Reply)