Apostrophe!
Ok, I know it's a bit pedantic and anal, and I know there are much bigger things to get worked up about in this big ol' crazy world, but . . .

A pub in my town has recently had a makeover. It's hideous! It looks like they started designing the bar of a fairly upmarket hotel, but then dropped a tab of acid halfway through.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that there is a handwritten sign outside the pub which says, and I quote verbatim:

"Coffee's served every day. Start's monday".

"Start's"? "START'S"?!? I can just about accept the "coffee's" as an example of a greengrocer's apostrophe, but "start's"? What tortured logic do you have to go through to come to the conclusion that "starts" needs an apostrophe?

I know it's pedantic but really, the use of the apostrophe is one of the easiest grammatical rules to understand. Is it just me? Come on, B3ta, I know there are others here who get equally offended by such things. Comments?


* I'm fully aware that, due to Sod's Law of Pedantry, there may well be speeling and gramer mistaks in this poast, and I would liek to appologize most sinceerly.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:01, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What in [insert deity here]'s name
is a greengrocer's apostrophe?
( Captain V, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Greengrocer's apostrophe?
An informal word for an apostrophe inappropriately added to a plural, often seen on greengrocer's signs, ie: "apple's, orange's, banana's" etc.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:11, Reply)

We could..
start a pedants' revolt!

And yes, I had to double check that!

Totally agree, very annoying. Homemade signs in shops are one thing, but what really winds me up is spelling/grammar mistakes in official forms. The council tax registration form in my home town had 13 errors contained within about 200 words of text.
(bugboybeast, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:12, Reply)

The misuse of punctuation
and poor spelling are just visible examples of the main problem with people.

they don't think.

they probably know the rules, and if pressed could tell you what it is, or what is wrong with their sign.

But when they are creating the sign they don't bother to engage brain and so the writing just pours out unhampered by such things as rules.

The same can be seen of people walking down the street. They don't switch on the brain and so will glibly walk straight into you if you don't get out of the way.

I fucking hate people, their stupidity, their lack of observation and the way no one thinks anymore.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:15, Reply)

Capital letters
at the start of sentences, please Vipros. ;D
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:21, Reply)

I blame the government
I also have a theory that we are kept under control George Orwell style by fear. For example over the course of my life I have witnessed in the media:

Gulf War 1
Kosovo
BSE and the threat of global pandemic
The War on Terror (war in Afghanistan, London bombings, Anthrax-based malarky)
Gulf War 2
Bird Flu and the threat of global pandemic
'The Credit Crunch'

Well I'm still alive, MEDIA. I'm still here and I've not caught any diseases (yet), not been conscripted to fight in the desert (yet) and I've got just about enough money to get drunk enough to fall over, molest girls and pass out at the weekend.

/mostly unrelated rant
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:22, Reply)

This used to bug me
But life's too short. I know some clever and funny people, both here and in real life, who do it. But I don't judge them because they're lovely.

The rest of the cunt's can go fuck off themselve's though :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:25, Reply)

@Bert: Silence!
Weeker: I agree with your theory. People need something to be scared of. Or at least, the media and the powers that be think so, so they overinflate these things to try and scare everyone into doing what they are told.

Global warming is another one.

This sounds like it's in tinfoil hat territory, for which I apologise.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:32, Reply)

No3L o'Lant3rn
I entirely agree. I have a lovely friend who insists on spelling the word "input" as "imput", among many other spelling catastrophes. Wouldn't be so bad except he's a sound engineer, so uses "imputs" on a regular basis!

I personally dislike anyone who spells words "foneticly". If you don't know how to spell a word it's the work of a moment to type it into Google and find the correct spelling. The problem is most people can't be arsed and just accept that they've probably spelled it wrong but it doesn't matter.

It aggravates me beyond belief when people put "(sp?)" into their posts (such as "I saw someone driving a mersadees (sp?)") For fuck's sake, if you think you've spelled it wrong don't waste time typing "(sp?)", LOOK IT UP!
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:32, Reply)

grammar
Apostrophes confuse me. I can do the whole there / their / they're thing, but other than that I generally got through the whole of my school years positioning apostrophies somewhere vaguely over the s of the word I was writing as I didn't know if it went before or after the s.

I still struggle to understand what nouns and verbs are. I think I must have missed some important time from school at some point...
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Fri 31 Oct 2008, 15:00, Reply)

May I point you in the direction of
this.


More recent members may not be aware of it but older ones will remember the week in which I went to town on the offenders.

*EDIT* Seasonticketless - I'm ashamed of you! ;)

Okay...nouns are simply the names of things like table, desk, cock or brush.

Verbs are doing words - actions, like walking, talking, wanking and barking, oh, and was, is and am.

Adverbs are the work of the devil within all writing - they're the -ly words like beautifully, quietly and pitifully. They should all be expunged from the language.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 15:15, Reply)

Then what's an adjective?
My little girl came home from School last week and told me she'd been learning about them, I couldn't remember what the flip they were, so I just ran away and cried.

EDIT Googled it, they're descriptive words. OooooOOOOooooh.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 15:55, Reply)

Bert,
Adjectives are describing words: green, big, round, fluffy and so on.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 15:56, Reply)

Cheers, MrC
Now felch my prickly (used an adjective there) testes, if you please.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 15:57, Reply)

Your what now?

(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:01, Reply)

My
Prickly Testicles. My Hairy Plums. My Mantaters. Please. Would you like a diagram?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:03, Reply)

Those who don't know the word types.
Take comfort in knowing that I can never remember and I'm a teacher for fucks sake.

Nouns I remember but I can never remember the others.
I always take the cheats way out. "Now, who can tell be what verbs are?"
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:04, Reply)

Oh,
You mean your hairy love spuds! Errrrr, no.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:06, Reply)

@MrC.
Oh, go on.

I'll show you where your prostate is... with my tongue.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:08, Reply)

Ha!
I teach English Undergrads and can't remember all the technical bits like onomatopoeia, metonymy, and other long words that I avoid using so as to not look too stupid.

Fortunately my students are either more stupid than me or else they just haven't noticed yet that I'm not terribly good with all the technical jargon.

However, nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, metaphors, similes and the like I'm fine with.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:09, Reply)

I'm quite aware
where my prostate is, thank you very much. As a wise man once said "Ain't no man gonna take that route with me".*


* Oooh, crap film reference FTW! But which one?
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:11, Reply)

I'll never forget the meaning of onomatopoeia
because I had a Canadian english teacher, who would always call it, Onamonopoeia. Daft cow.

BOING! -that's onomatopoeia in action.

EDIT No idea, MrC. I even googled it and nothing turned up. Is you a homophobicz?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:12, Reply)

By no means,
but I have no wish to feel another man's (or a woman's, come to that) tongue up my arse. Am I crazy? Oh, and I do love that quote.

Anyone?

Edit: And you didn't search very hard, did you? First result on Google.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:22, Reply)

When I google it
I get Take That concerts and song lyrics coming up...?

Yuo should definitely give the prostate thing a go though, with a woman if you prefer. It can certainly open your eyes to a few things.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:26, Reply)

Sorry but,
accepting that it's the only orifice available to gay men for the purposes of sex, I'm of the firm belief that it's an exit, not an entrance.

I'm not religious or prudish or anything like that, I just, you know, find the whole bum love thing a bit icky.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:30, Reply)

Ahh....
but it's good for you. Actually, it's been a long time since anyone's been anywhere near my back passage, and I'm sure Mrs Monkeysex will be most pleased about that.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:47, Reply)