Rumour Control
I need some help,

I want to start a rumour about a colleague who is immensely annoying and quite a sponger on their other colleagues.

I don't want it to be nasty, just obscure but also believable...

Anyone got any suggestions?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 14:54, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Suggest the coworker
Has a prosthetic nipple.
(GONEism, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 14:55, Reply)

suggest that they played simon
in simon and the witch
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 14:57, Reply)

*points to vipros and puts finger on nose*
WINNER
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 14:58, Reply)

That they've got SuperAIDS

(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 14:58, Reply)

shamelessly stolen from Family Guy
[your colleage] goes to Home Depot and pays migrant workers to come to his house and choke him in the shower.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 14:59, Reply)

Fun House
Say he was on an episode of Fun House with Pat Sharpe, but he cried when he got gunked, and later tried to molest one of the twins.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:00, Reply)

He was one of the kids
That suffered a humiliating defeat on "Knightmare", when he walked repeatedly into a virtual rock, until his head fell off.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:00, Reply)

Or perhaps
he's a blood relation of Gary Glitter/Timmy Mallet (whichever offends you more)
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:00, Reply)

wait
and get them hammered at the Christmas party and lead them to believe that everything would be better if only they could manage one more gin. That's what people did to me at an old job and in fact I left the next day.
(sirolimus, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:00, Reply)

He
did the sax solo on Baker Street.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:02, Reply)

We once tried to start the Simon and the Witch rumour at uni
didn't work

there was however a rumour that Anne from Neighbours was staying in our halls. People believed that, but not that Simon was there....

morons.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:03, Reply)

Empress Bob
That's uncanny, I too was thinking Knightmare, but ended up picking Fun House...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:04, Reply)

How about
He once appeared on Crime Watch, taking part in one of the re-enactments, but he got fired for getting an erection during filming.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:07, Reply)

^Labia
That's because everyone should take time in their daily schedule to think about Knightmare. Truly, it was a blessed time for kid's TV.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:07, Reply)

You once saw him
wanking into a bottle bank outside tescos at 3am on a weeknight.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:09, Reply)

He rejected BOAT
And is therefore a failure.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:11, Reply)

How old is said colleague?
as that'll make a big difference if he's mid-30s and you tell people he was in Josse's Giants.

Or that he's the nephew of pop-mogul Jonathan King.

"The other day on a fag break, he told me about his special uncle Jon and their special secret"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:13, Reply)

@Bob
Because doing that at the weekend is ok?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:13, Reply)

Said colleague
is early 30's...

and male (although it looks like that has been assumed)

Musical references are also out I'm afraid...
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:15, Reply)

@Mrs Pooflake
Well, yes. What do you do at the weekends if not that?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:16, Reply)

Said colleague is an internet weirdo
who posts pictures on websites of his cock dressed as Hitler.

EDIT Bob, mostly I just wank in my pants.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:16, Reply)

B3ta
You told him to look at B3ta, and he typed www.b
but as he looked at the keyboard to find the '3', the dropdown list in the browser showed that he'd previously looked at
"www.boyswithstiffcocks.com"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:17, Reply)

He was in the Dutch "Big Brother" in the first series,
but got chucked out after 1 day for frotting the cabbages.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:17, Reply)

dutch big brother Coma wing of the local hospital
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:20, Reply)

You could say that he's got
An irremovable case of worms.
Not infectious, but the kind you can only get from "accidental" oro-faecal transfer.
( Cawl, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:38, Reply)

Say
You went into the toilet and heard him do a big poo!

Entirely believeable, and embarrasing for him! Make sure you spill this in front of many colleagues with him in earshot.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 16:07, Reply)

Tell them..
..he posts on b3ta as "senorburtreynolds".
(lost, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 22:34, Reply)