If you could change the rules of English
what would you change?

I propose we all suggest a change to the English language - be it spelling, grammar or even re-defining words. When posting to this thread, the post must obey all the rule-changes proposed in previous messages.

I propose we abolish capital letters, redefine 'hedgehog' to mean 'foot', and change the spelling of the word 'flies' to 'flyss'.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:42, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ve should help our European friends understand us better.
Change every 'th' to 'z' and 'w' to 'v'
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:55, Reply)

congratulations on fucking it up in ze first reply you stupid vanker.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:16, Reply)

Simplification - Make Easier
I propose each meaning only has two words, an easy one and a complicated one, in an effort to remove jargon and make people not use the complicated one when they don't know how to spell it.

Example (off the top of my head because I've just typed it in a word document and can use the handy word thesaurus):

Easy version - agree. More posh sounding version - consent.

Unnecessary versions: concur, assent, acquiesce, accede.

To make something more emphatic, use the 'very' term. I agree very much.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:57, Reply)

^But then we wouldn't be able to say things like
"I concur wholeheartedly!"

whilst stroking the ends of our twirly moustaches and puffing on our pipes...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:00, Reply)

True,
but I think it would be worth it just to hear posh people who over-vocabularise (ooh irony) say things like "I am happy, what just happened was good." instead of "one is most dearly pleased by the recent occurance of events."
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:04, Reply)

I think we should adopt "newspeak"
from 1984. That's much easier. Things are double-plus-good or double-plus-bad. Not very very or excellently or extremely or fantastically.......
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:11, Reply)

I am disinclined
to acquiesce to Kitty's suggestion. *smirk*
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:21, Reply)

If I were in charge of the english language
I'd re-arrange the alphabet to put U and I together, spakka. You're my favourite b3tan.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:26, Reply)

Verily I do concur with darras,
and proffer that Kitty's litigious proposal would reprehensibly limit the established capacity of the English gentleman or woman to adequately express his or herself whilst simultaneously tweaking any appropriately groomed facial hair and inhaling deeply and contemplatively of their preferred dispensary of smouldering tobacco.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:33, Reply)

ahem
(knock at door)

Prince George: Enter!

Edmund: Dr. Johnson, Your Highness.

Prince George: Ah, Dr. Johnson! Damn cold day!

Dr. Johnson: Indeed it is, sir, but a very fine one, for I celebrated last night the encyclopedic implementation of my pre-meditated orchestration of demotic Anglo-Saxon.

Prince George: (nods, grinning, then speaks) Nope -- didn't catch any of that.

Dr. Johnson: Well, I simply observed, sir, that I'm felicitous, since, during the course of the penultimate solar sojourn, I terminated my uninterrupted categorization of the vocabulary of our post-Norman tongue.

Prince George: Well, I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds damn *saucy*, you lucky thing! I know some fairly liberal-minded girls, but I've never penultimated any of them in a solar sojourn, or, for that matter, been given any Norman tongue!

Edmund: I believe, sir, that the Doctor is trying to tell you that he is happy because he has finished his book. It has, apparently, taken him ten years.

Prince George: Yes, well, I'm a slow reader myself...

Dr. Johnson: (places two manuscripts on the table, but picks up the top one) Here it is, sir: the very cornerstone of English scholarship. This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language.

Prince George: Hmm.

Edmund: Every single one, sir?

Dr. Johnson: (confidently) Every single word, sir!

Edmund: (to Prince) Oh, well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafribularities. (or maybe `contrafribblarities', coming from the word `fribble'. A closed-caption decoder would help here.)

Dr. Johnson: What?

Edmund: `Contrafribularites', sir? It is a common word down our way...

Dr. Johnson: Damn! (writes in the book)

Edmund: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm anispeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation.

Dr. Johnson: What? What? WHAT?

Prince George: What are you on about, Blackadder? This is all beginning to sound a bit like dago talk to me.

Edmund: I'm sorry, sir. I merely wished to congratulate the Doctor on not having left out a single word. (J sneers) Shall I fetch the tea, Your Highness?

Prince George: Yes, yes! And get that damned fire up here, will you?

Edmund: Certainly, sir. I shall return interfrastically
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:39, Reply)

To be honest
I heart the vocabulary more than most but am oftwhile persecuted for it, for I have been relegated to the North where things are either 'well good' or 'shite' and so I'm just trying to fit in really. I wanted to fit the word antidisestablishmentarianism in here somewhere, but alas I can't.

Ironicles!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:47, Reply)

Bring in Newspeak for the proles
It'll make emails cc'd to Jacquai Smith at the Ministry of Love a tad easier to understand.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 27 Jan 2009, 12:09, Reply)

Sorry to disobey all the new rules.
But I simply cannot handle the word 'might'.

In one sense it is so authoritative, powerful and MANLY. "I shall trombone you with tremendous MIGHT".

But then there is the "hmmmm, I mmmmmmmmight wank you off...." which is so indecisive and poopy.

This post has little relevance to the thread.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 13:01, Reply)

Nice one Halfy
Sadly, I was able to picture each character speaking each line...

I need a life and no longer remember large words as no one in my professional life would understand a word I said were I to use a word with more than 5 letters.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 27 Jan 2009, 22:01, Reply)