IAminor mishap reminded me of long ago -v
Last Tuesday evening when a few flakes had stopped paralysing useless TFL, I got a bus at the end of the tube, the useles whitevan man ( thats why they suspended the buses) went into the bay at a jaunty angle through laziness. Instead of the gritted path, I had what looked like snow in shadow.NOPE it was ice I had a skiddy and recovered my balance and as it happens, next day muscle in the back agony, I applied some spray ralgex and managed to get into work.

===========Wavy lines for a time dissolve=============

Just out of school, pre uni, saturday the mob accumulate one by one on the agreed route to agreed pub. a couple in we knock on richs door, his dad had reached sergeant in the army and so thought he should speak like an officer and drink excessively at lunch.

saturday about 2 his dad is lubricated, answers the door old boy, "is richard in?" yes but afraid he may be some time" "whys that?" "he`s" upstars dangling his bollocks in the sink!" cue muttley laugh.

He was indeed , and not the sharpest of our number, and after Rugby training he had gone to Boots to get some more Ralgex for his strained muscle in the thigh, they unfortunately only had spray Ralgex.... do I need to fill in what happened next and led to the shower spray on cold on the `nads?
:-(

nearly as bad as linement applied sitting up, on the back NO TOWEL then it runs down into your bumcrack and you imitate road runner.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 14:41, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who the FAQ are you
and what the FAQ do you want from us?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 14:48, Reply)

*cough*
It wants to bum you, Bert. Everything wants to bum you.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 14:57, Reply)

what?
did you read that as you were typing?
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 14:58, Reply)

FUCK OFF WITH YOUR FAQ WANKCUNTING FUCK FACE!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:01, Reply)

No.
I was fondling myself to the paradoxical concept that even Bert's bum wants to bum Bert.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:01, Reply)

Even people's bottoms?
Do they want to bum me too?

mictoboy, don't be mean, for all you know, this person could be a foreign mong.

Love you al, you sexy beast.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:02, Reply)

I think he was
talking about the OP and the total gibberishy nonsense that he posted.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:02, Reply)

WHATS A CATG BERT?
TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME OR I'LL HAVER RSWIPE SMOTHER YOU WITH HE LOVELY LADY LUMPS.


I NEED A POO.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:03, Reply)

Comedy at the George?
Nah, not really, it's a small furry thing that miaows, homie.

EDIT Knock knock.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:04, Reply)

Al
I, liek, totally knew that.

WHO'S THERE?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Who's there monster cock man?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:07, Reply)

I done up

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:07, Reply)

I done up who monster cock man?

DOH! I see what you did there.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:08, Reply)

I done up who?
Enunciate motherfuckers!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:09, Reply)

I love that joke
but you ruined the punchline, I was going to say 'Urgh, you dirty bastard, you could have at least waited until you got to the toilet'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:09, Reply)

What makes you think I'm not in a toilet?
What makes you think I'm not naked from the waist down.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:13, Reply)

I always think of you in a toilet, naked from the waist down
I just thought that you usually did your business in Lionel Blair's fake tan dispenser?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:14, Reply)

I got bored
so I started wanking into Richard and Judy's make up.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:15, Reply)

God I hate him.
Not as much as I hate the boy in the new Clearasil advert though, or the women in the Dulcoease ad.

Fuck off and die you smug, unspotty, little prick, and you bunged-up old shrews. Indeed.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:16, Reply)

The boy in teh clearasil advert
should be shot for asking to borrow makeup. HES A BOY SO IF HE WANTS MAKEUP HES A RANCID GAYER AND SHOULD BE SHOT UP THE ARSE UNTIL HE DIES OF AIDSCANCER. Then he kisses a girl without her permission. HES A FILTHY GAYERRAPISTPEADOPHILE TO BOOT!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:20, Reply)

That's the bit which makes me hate him
how dare he kiss that poor girl?!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:21, Reply)

It makes me so angry
I sometimes grab my penis and shake it really hard until it's sick with angryness.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:27, Reply)

Damn you both to hell then
I'd like to grab him by the ankles and twat him off a bridge.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:28, Reply)

I'd like to make him watch
the eighth Friday the 13th film all the way through twice. That's how much I hate him.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:30, Reply)

OoooOOOOooooh
You bastard.

I'd like to stick watermelons up his nostrils, set fire to him and then pay midgets to put him out with mallets.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:31, Reply)

I don't get it

(PsychoChomp, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:40, Reply)

I don't get your face either.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:41, Reply)

I'll give it to you

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 15:41, Reply)

If I rub clearasil on my spotty cock

Will he kiss that?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 16:00, Reply)

Probably not
But I'm sure Bert will.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 16:01, Reply)

I'd be on it like a badger
with a faceful of grubs.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 16:09, Reply)

badgers are my favourite woodland creatures to have sexy time with

the others are:

2: Otters (wet)
3: Pine Martens (fiesty)
4: Munjack Deer (tight)
5: foxes (dirty filthy little sluts)
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 16:17, Reply)

Do you have to gaffa tape the Pine Martens
to stop them bursting?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 16:21, Reply)

Foxes have barbed cocks
I think this is most excellent.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 16:21, Reply)

I have a set of detachable penises

A different one for every situation/animal, so no bursting Pine Martens here.

Although i get a bit of a bad back when I get the old whale appendage on.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 16:23, Reply)