B3ta couples
I discount myself from this since I'm deeply involved with a fellow B3tan.

But who do you think would make a good B3ta couple?

My money's on al and Bert. Bert could get into a menage a trois with Kaol following a drunken night of stupidity at some PR bash, after which Kaol would microwave al's pet bunny before trying to do the stabby stabby thing to Bert when Bert tried to drown him in the bath. Then, al would come in and blow Kaol away with a peashooter in the brain and live happily ever after with Bert and make lots of little almonkeys.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 0:48, 47 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Fuzzy and TGB
would make an excellent couple.

EDIT: I just realised you have Fatal Attraction on your mind.
Excellent movie that.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 1:42, Reply)

Hummmmmmmmm.
anyone remember the Koit/Workboresme fund.

I never did get anything out of that! :D At all!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 6:38, Reply)

Dunno
But I like your HMHB sig, DG!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 8:22, Reply)

Madam Marlboro and Becky make a lovely couple
but I'd like to see CHCB and grandmasterfluffles spraying water on each other's boobies too.
Happylittletulip and TheGrammarBadger are quite well suited, as I think they'd both be a bit bouncy.

Vampyrecat and Holy Gabrielle.

I want some lesbian sex, B3ta. Ya hear me?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 9:07, Reply)

I hear ya Bert
And I agree with your choices.

Good work, son, I'm proud of you.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 9:12, Reply)

You're supposed to ruffle my hair
and give me a penny sweet, you bastard.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 9:17, Reply)

I can't
Not since the court order your mother put on me.

See, if you'd have kept it a secret, you would have got a Worther's Original by now.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 9:19, Reply)

It's alright
as long as I don't tell your monitoring officers, we can do anything you like.

Give me the smooth, buttery sweet!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 9:21, Reply)

*gently pops the creamy goodness in your mouth*
Atta boy...

Wait a minute, I was thinking about b3tan lesbian sexiness before, now it's all gone horribly wrong!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 9:24, Reply)

This is the closest we'll ever get
Besides, this is what lesbians do behind closed doors anyway. Now, which one of us is going to pretend to be the man?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 9:37, Reply)

well I third Bert's 3 couples
can't see any problem with those choices.

But really though DG, b3ta couples? It'll all end in tears (apart from you and the sweary one that is).

EDIT: and PJM and chickenlady
( djtrialprice, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 9:58, Reply)

Don't forget Legless and Mrs Legless...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 10:16, Reply)

and Kaol
and tedious posts.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Plus..
Bert & Monkeys
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Agnostic Antichrist
and girly haircuts.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Perhaps this the time to reveal
That Ms Crow is a B3tan. Only been a member for 3 or 4 months, so you might not have twigged yet, but a B3tan nevertheless.

See if you can guess who she is.
First person to get it right: I'll...um...jizz on your tits*.

_{*Substitute "Manboobs" where appropriate}
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 10:46, Reply)

You're shagging
The Light in Chains?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 10:54, Reply)

I thought Light in Chains
was a bloke...?

Edit: So, no, in other words
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 10:56, Reply)

Hmm...
Bert and Rathen?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:00, Reply)

TLC
is a bloke, I was implying that you were gay, you big wingnut.

Er... Agnostic Antichrist and running home to cry like a baby in his mother's arms after somebody on the internet called him a pig-faced Emo boy with a minute penis and hands like a clammy Norman Tebbit.

Arroooooooo....
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:03, Reply)

Yeah, I just checked his profile to make sure
The beard is pretty conclusive, you faggot-fondling shoe-sniffer.

Edit: I retract the above insult for the brilliance of the "clammy Norman Tebbit" metaphor.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:05, Reply)

So who is it that you're boffing?
It can't be Dave The Hat, he's been here for years...

Give us a clue.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:16, Reply)

Admittedly she hasn't posted very much
But her name is a reference to Milton Keynes
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:19, Reply)

She's called
shithole?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:23, Reply)

@Bert
Pig faced? Fair enough
Minute Penis? Not certain how you know, but fair enough.

Emo?!?!?! That's just cruel man!

I know you're still in withdrawal from Thatcher no longer being in No. 10, but there's no need to take it that far?

Just go give her a pearl necklace again, she'll appreciate it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:31, Reply)

Bert: No,
I think that name was already taken
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:31, Reply)

Quit whining, Emo
I don't want to have to set my apathetic goths on you.

I'm not a Thatcherite, I'm a Thacist.
Bring back RoboThatcher!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:33, Reply)

erm poppets?
Gabby's not ghey like me.
She's lovely - but she's not ghey.
And she's on the other side of an ocean. :(
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Neither is anyone else in the list
but we can always imagine...
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:38, Reply)

well, I'm off men for Lent
and though I'm not much into women, it's nice to be on your list, Sexmonkey.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:41, Reply)

Awh....
CHCB You will always be on my list. You were my first b3ta-crush, and I'd throw you down in a minute if it weren't for the third parties involved.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:44, Reply)

b3ta crushes
That's probably the sweetest thing I've heard Bert say. To a female, at least.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:46, Reply)

it's 3rd party, Bertie Boy,
Singular. I am man-free for the next 6 weeks. Also, my mate has bet me £20 I can't last til Easter. He said £200 if I also gave up porn and masturbation but that's just ridiculous.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:46, Reply)

you could always
lie on the porn and masturbation front.

200 pounds is 200 pounds.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:47, Reply)

You should ahve been here last February then
I was in love with CHCB, I longed for her, I was forlorn and lost without out her, but she cast me aside to persue a more disastrous, complicated cumsquelch of a man.

EDIT *throws Mrs Monkeysex on the fire*
Right, where would you like to meet up for some non-contact sexual gratification?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Poor Berty
I vaguely remember that from my days as a lurker.

I couldn't give up masturbation for 6 weeks. Two is the most I've managed.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:49, Reply)

I once managed
nine days twenty-three hours and fifty minutes.

I came buckets that night, it was awful.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:51, Reply)

The dam buster after two weeks
was epic.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:53, Reply)

"a more disastrous, complicated cumsquelch of a man"
Now Bert, I really don't think that's a fair description of Enzyme. You know as well as I do that "man" is an unsubstantiated claim. He has long hair, after all.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:54, Reply)

Ooooh
nasty.

the long hair is a dead giveaway, I always said that I would do him, but I don't think I fancy your sloppy seconds.

Unless I'm sucking them out of your oozing fanny.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:55, Reply)

no one's getting near my mimsy
Not for 40 days and 40 nights. And Sundays.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:56, Reply)

Ah, the heady days of QOTW....
*sniffs*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:56, Reply)

If I turn up in glittery hotpants
singing Club Tropicana and rubbing butterscotch angel delight into my tits, you won't be able to resist.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:01, Reply)

it would
be £20 well spent.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:05, Reply)

£20?
bloody hell, you're generous crackie.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:08, Reply)

Gaz me address details
so I can come round and sort you out, in a religious fashion.

Or I could look it all up on the internet, stalk you, hunt you down and jump you on your way to your car, if it makes you feel more popular?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:08, Reply)

^^
And people say romance is dead!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 13:04, Reply)