Well, it’s final...

I’m not going to be able to make the wedding of Tourettes & Davros’ Grandad.

I was going to be a bridesman and everything. There are going to be CDC cakes.

It’s also touch and go whether or not I’ll be able to make the Edinburgh bash.

Ever been looking forward to something for absolutely ages, only to have it ripped away from you and there is fuck all you can do about it?

‘Gutted’ doesn’t come close. I am now officially pissed off like a cunting bastard arse on a fucking annoyed stick depressed.

If anyone wants me for the foreseeable I will be wallowing in a vat of self pity

…and cheap cider.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:12, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why can't you go?
Got AIDs?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:14, Reply)

Man The Fuck Up
and have some profound sympathy. You must feel like a fresh herring.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:14, Reply)

I'm not going either if it makes you feel any better?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:14, Reply)

Becks
I think that makes everyone who IS going feel better, not those who aren't.

Oooh! I'm so mean.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:15, Reply)

I want you Bert...now...

Come over here for some serious arse lovin'

No nodders though...

*gives Bert teh bad aids*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:17, Reply)

Bert you're a cunt

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:17, Reply)

Now I'm a cunt with AIDs
The bad AIDs too.

*does a sexy dance for Becky*

Now, where did I leave those orphans?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:19, Reply)

My condolences Poofers
Let's hope you can make the bash.

@beckx: My condolences on not being able to make it to the bash.

* hugs both of you *

* hugs Bert and Porkylips too for the hell of it *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:22, Reply)

Group Hugs!
*Runs around flapping hands and squealing like a girly.*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:29, Reply)

Captain Placid & I were due to fly up to Bonnie Jockland...

His company were sorting us out cheap flights.

Then his company fucked us over.

No problem, thought we...it will be a ball-ache, but we'll drive...

The the present Mrs Pooflake starts whinging.

Being a kind and sensitive husband, I told her: 'Tough shite, I'm going'

So her Grandad decided to selfishly put himself in hospital with a nasty case of being nearly dead - most of my nights are now spent babysitting the flakelets whilst her and her family go visiting.

But I am still undeterred. I can sort something out. All I need is some time off work.

Me: "Boss, I know there's a lot on, what with us all losing our jobs and being outsourced...but can I have some time off work please? regarding the wedding that I gave you prior notice about fucking ages ago?"

Boss: "Oh.....right...I remember........NO!"

Me: "You're a cunt"

and here we are.

I will man the fuck up...but first I have to sober the fuck up...

just after I stop crying...and drinking

*checks for man balls*

*finds empty space*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Aww Poof that sucks
You have to go because you still owe me drinks from my birthday that you also didn't turn up to!

but it sounds like you need another drink not to sober up
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:38, Reply)

Nooooooooooooo!
*slits wrists slightly in vain attempt to show sympathy*


I will have a drink of cider in your honour.
( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Mar 2009, 9:50, Reply)

Right, that's it...!

If i'm going to be miserable, I'm going to make sure everybody else is miserable too...

*goes off to write shit pun for QotW*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 26 Mar 2009, 10:04, Reply)

Tough break, flake
I was looking forward to shouting random phrases for you to poo-pun. I imagine you'd reply with groan-inducing shaggy dog stories at such speed as to put the retarded guy from Cube's mental arithmetic skills to shame.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Mar 2009, 10:11, Reply)

Well, if it's any consolation,
I'm not going either.

Probably because the bride and groom don't know me. Plus they live up north, and if I get any further south I get wet.

But I do hope they have a good day, etc, etc.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Thu 26 Mar 2009, 10:26, Reply)