Prison escape
The other day I saw an episode of the A-team where some of the characters were trying to get out of prison. They did so by making hot air balloon type things with chairs, bin bags and vacuum cleaners.

So if you were sent to prison for some reason, how would you escape?
( Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:04, 17 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

I'd suck off a guard
and then... well, that's about it really. I'd enjoy prison while it lasted.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:08, Reply)

By getting a fat ugly woman
to agree to conjugal visitation and then taking her place afterwards. Walking free in a nonchalant manner can be hard in high-heels though. Better make sure she takes size 9 DMs.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:09, Reply)

Disguise is a good idea
but what about some type of contraption?
Like something made of spoons and toothpaste?
( Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:17, Reply)

I'd somehow sabotage the mains water supply
And while everyone was trying to get that sorted I'd use some sort of explosives to sabotage the electricity supply, then make a run for it. (In my head at least. In reality I'd probably cry and hope that people took pity on me)
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:17, Reply)

See,
I knew you secretly loved the A-Team, despite your protests :p
( Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:57, Reply)

When a prisoner is about to be released

just crawl into his anal cavity and waltz out of the front gate.

Simples!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:03, Reply)

I guess you could always
Get a small rock-hammer, and over ten years or so dig a hole in the wall of your cell.
Hide it behind a poster.

Then one stormy night go through the hole, smash a pipe and flee to freedom.
( Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:09, Reply)

Kaol: That sounds like a rubbish story

I certainly wouldn't watch a film based on taht idea and I suspect no-one else would either.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:24, Reply)

Sorry.
I'll try and do better next time.

I did have an idea about a robot that goes back in time from a post-apocalyptic future to kill the mother of a soldier from the future. Before he's born. In the future.
I was thinking of calling it The Aborter.
( Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:31, Reply)

The best X-files ever
featured a small Indian man with no legs who drove around on a tea-tray with squeaky wheels. He was magic, and murdered an evil oil company executive by getting really small, sneaking inside his arsehole and then going back to normal size.

So in conclusion I would do that. With a chap getting released, of course.

What? That was a real X-files. Really.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:41, Reply)

Bollocks!
That was never a real X-files episode!
( Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:44, Reply)

Cut through the bars
using dental floss and toothpaste.

Might take a while.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:52, Reply)

It so is.
See?

Hah!
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:53, Reply)

Oh...
Well shut my mouth :\
( Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:57, Reply)

*gets stapler*

( Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:58, Reply)

*sighs*
Thanks Mel, thanks a lot :(
( Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:11, Reply)

I would......
Get the blue-print to the prison tattoo'd on my chest. I'd make it a bit funny looking though lest people cotton on.

Failing that I would master the art of animal husbandry. I would convince a seagull to carry a rope over some fencing. Then I would make my escape and live happily ever after with the flying seapoultry.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:18, Reply)