Today my boss wants
to have loads of fucking shit meetings about loads of pointless wank. Why do managers feel they have to have meetings about everything?

Ideas on how to kill my boss, or at the least fun things I can do in the meeting are welcome.

I wish George Clooney was my boss then I could dream about shagging him in the stationery cupbaord.

Also I have about 35 cds I need to shred but can't be assed, so if you have random ideas as to what to do with those let me know*

*fuck off Al I am not putting them up my huge vag
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:40, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I had fifteen meetings last week
That's three a day, not counting incoming phone calls that were unscheduled and incoming pings from our in-house messaging system. I'm not a manager, but a glorified technician. And they wonder why I'm falling behind?

Wrt to pointless meetings and the like, don't bother attending. If you have a messaging system at work, disable it. If it's important enough, they will ring you / approach you at your desk. If they don't, then it obviously wasn't important enough to bother you about in the first place.

This approach has worked for me for two years now. I've received 5 performance awards.

Mad.
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:43, Reply)

Metal bin.
Pour in tip-ex.
Ignite.
( Cawl, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:44, Reply)

Make some wind chimes out of the cds
stab your boss with a rusty biro

stop thinking about George Clooney, he's not that hot and never has been

Go to the meetings and spew out bile relating to pointless meetings.

Done.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:44, Reply)

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
'stop thinking about George Clooney, he's not that hot and never has been'.



*cries*
( girlinthehole, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:02, Reply)

Well
It's true. He just isn't.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:11, Reply)

As for the CD's
www.techeblog.com/index.php/tech-gadget/top-5-most-creative-uses-for-old-cds - try some of these. You might need to steal a few more, mind you.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:50, Reply)

Huh
I made a CD Disco Ball for my clubnight, although we used a mini butane torch and a pencil to put lots of spikes in each CD. It looked awesome!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:15, Reply)

CDs
They make good frisbees, and air hockey pucks on short pile carpets.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:52, Reply)

^this
CD Frisbee kept us entertained on many a long lunchtime in first year, that, and throwing apples out the window at passers-bys.

We were delinquents.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:21, Reply)

CD's are easy
Microwave handy? It's pretty!

Softly kick the table at regular intervals, so he will expect it. Then, just miss a kick out or do a double kick... see how long it take for a nervous tick to develop.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:56, Reply)

I wasn't going to say anything about your clunge.
Although you could always impress your boss during the meeting by slowly sliding your chair up it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:57, Reply)

meetings
Stop going. Just stop. I did. People came up to me afterwards and said "heres what you missed" - assuming that I was simply busy.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:31, Reply)

This works great
Hear hear. The minutes of any meeting take 20 seconds to absorb, the actual meeting sucks up about an hour. So you can even argue to your boss that by not attending, you are freeing up your time for something else and therefore being more productive!
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:22, Reply)

Ideas
35 CDs = clay pigeon shooting plastic targets (not a bad idea actually, they'd probably go at quite high speed if fired at the right angle)

Why meetings = self-importance fucktards. Any bosses on here? Sorry. I make a point of having meetings that last no more than five minutes at a time.

Killing boss = pinning him to the wall with a nail gun and shooting a crossbow bolt into him every time he uses a wank-word term from the wank-word bingo sheet.

Hope this helps.
Ed (on meds).
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:38, Reply)

Wank Word Bingo
Try the opposite. Go in with a list of wank words and phrases. Use them at every opportunity. People will think you are on-board and with message when in fact you are trying to get some other poor twat to shout bingo.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:53, Reply)

Suggested list of terms
Blue sky thinking
Out of the box
Leverage the innovative potential (any sentence with leverage, in fact)
Thought grenade (my personal favourite)
'Action', used in the context, 'I will action that later'
On-demand

... ad infinitum.

I also like to transform into the Oxford English Thesaurus in meetings and start using words no-one understands, or ridiculously complex sentences.
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:30, Reply)

My favourite...
...'pick the low-hanging fruit'.

In related news, does TGB really have a massive vag?
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Play sheet
www.heretical.com/miscellx/ww-print.html
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:35, Reply)