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In relation to the earlier thread about retarded status updates, I came home to this gem.

In replies:
(PsychoChomp, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:46, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Guy I went to school with: losing my diary, wallet and someone crushing into me. wish had nice gf but no nagging stressing and moaning cuz was on phone abit, my head, neck, back and most of all my heart is in pain

His girlfriend: U mean a lil crash that ur at fault for turning now blagging the pain u had whole day off work and couldnt manage to put his own rubbish in a bin i got bak ache and pains every day but ur hapi for mii to slave about hows ur dinner i made huh!

edit edit: any way u look at it i had a v bad day and u just stress at me. ur v bad day isnt geting paid. and cant even give justin a bath with being on fb sad! and i was ok fcking hurting nw

him again: wow u cooked. didnt i at the wkend and got up twice on own for justin and twice early with and for u, she hit me u wasnt even fcking there, didnt wana worry u b4, can c ur nt worried or give a shit bout me

edit:
her again: I was worried i asked u twice three times today wether u was okay you sed u were just ur mouth was hurting u onli sed other stuf to av a reson for bein lazy i done a romantic night last night and made ur morning as gud as i cud wit breakfast and love note n i get shouted at for bein bit stressy coz da flat worse dan i left it and then u make more by undoing my cl eaning!
(PsychoChomp, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:47, Reply)

'mii' is harder to type than 'me'
Fucking spastics. MK is shit Chompy. SHIT!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:50, Reply)

He lives in London
HAHAHHAHAHAH

he's a cunt though, and an idiot, I will remove him from facebook in a bit but I want to see if the argument carries on.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:51, Reply)

I have an acquaintance
who, when writing on facebook, will put things like this:

"Ii well liike Danny Dyer, and all u haterz dont kno nuffiink, he is a riite gd acta nd Ii wld totally do hiim."

Aside from the fact that has taken me an age to type out, is it fashionable to use to 'i's instead of just one?

ALSO:

Hullo, Donkey! *waves*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:52, Reply)

"i done a romantic night last night "

(PsychoChomp, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:55, Reply)

Maybe they're just really big fans of Nintendo?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:56, Reply)

Dude.
Make it stop. PLZ TO MAEK IT STP, YER?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:50, Reply)

Ask me twice three times

(PsychoChomp, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:53, Reply)

Are you like the Candyman?
PsychoChomp!
PsychoChomp!
PsychoChomp!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:56, Reply)

And yet, this dreamboat is on the shelf at the moment.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:52, Reply)

I KNO, CN U BLIVE IT?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:53, Reply)

This is a most terrible state of affairs.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:54, Reply)

What I have gathered:
He had a car accident while on the phone. She cooked dinner, but was unhappy that he had not put the bins out. He counters with yes, but I got up to look after the progeny of our loins. She returns with a wonderfully witty comment, and hopefully they will be all lovey from now on.

Question: They live together? And this is being played out online why?

KILL THEM!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:55, Reply)

What Tightly says
Very much.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:57, Reply)

here you go, his latest response
any way u look at it i had a v bad day and u just stress at me. ur v bad day isnt geting paid. and cant even give justin a bath with being on fb sad! and i was ok fcking hurting nw
(PsychoChomp, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:57, Reply)

Christ...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 17:58, Reply)

It worried me that these people are in control of reproductive organs, frankly.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:04, Reply)

i mayk a gud muvva, awrite

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:07, Reply)

Soz blud, oviusly ur liek an esepshun 2 the rool, yeah?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:12, Reply)

wut di u cawl me? i can beleev afta al dis tym u stil say sush tings 2 me
takin teh babe to da pawk, don cal til u redy 2 pologiz
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:14, Reply)

And that they've already managed to reproduce
Without dying of stupidity.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:14, Reply)

Only because they've got "breathe in, breathe out" on loop on their stolen ipods.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:23, Reply)

I'm so glad you've translated it,
Because I couldn't understand a word of that.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:09, Reply)

I was raised in Essex.
I can decipher all manner of childish drivel. ;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:11, Reply)

I can do scally, and thats about it.
Sex Albatross? Oh ai?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:16, Reply)

Aye, he's the sexiest of the sex albatrosses

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:19, Reply)

^This is marketing in action.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:24, Reply)

Oh, ai.
And the pictures prove it*.

*'it' being that I am neither sexy, nor an albatross.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:25, Reply)

Heeeeey, I share a facebook picture with you
and we are all of the win I tells you, so take that back. The albatross, well I wait to be proven otherwise
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:50, Reply)

I take it back.
We are, as the kids say, da bomb. :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:55, Reply)

tru dat.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 19:09, Reply)

*fixes reply counter*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 18:11, Reply)

ha ha

(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 0:23, Reply)

More!
I demand more!
- it takes me ten minutes to work out what is being said, the working day flies by...
( scoshi pretending to diet since, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 11:27, Reply)