Of Fruit Pastels & Genitalia
So first off, I have to point out that the events depicted in this tale did NOT happen to me - they are the unfortunate happenings of the best friend of a close friend of mine. I know I know - its sounds very urban legend, but trust me - everything I am about to disclose is 100% true.

For the sake of this story, we will refer to the unfortunate soul as Tim.

Tim, has just finished his first year at University - and has for the last month or so been enjoying the start of a very long, very exciting Uni summer break.

A few weeks ago, Tim and his friends decided to head off into town for a night on the tiles - there was much drinking and larking about - all in all Tim was having a brilliant time. The good times continued to roll for our young Tim - as half way through the evening he met a rather lovely looking girl in one of the bars.

One thing led to another, and Tim found himself back at this lovely lady's apartment. Things escalated quickly - and Tim found himself in the throes of some very hot, very kinky sex.

Perhaps too Kinky...

Half way into the sex, the young lady pushes Tim back, reaches over to her bedside drawer, opens it and reveals a large open bag of Rowntree's Fruit Pastels. Puzzled Tim lets out a chuckle and asks her what she's doing.

To his shock, the young lady proceeds to insert several fruit pastels inside her private area before telling Tim to continue.

A little unsure, Tim shrugs and continues performing until eventually he blows his load inside the strange young woman.

Satisfied with what has transpired Tim lays back and relaxes. "Now I want you to eat them" says the young lady. WTF???? thinks Tim, "you serious?", "yes, do it..." she says.

Fuck it, thinks Tim, and off he goes, digging around in the woman's fufu, prizing the Fruit pastels from her with as much enthusiasm as Anneka Rice on a treasure hunt. She seems to enjoy the activity, which makes it all the more entertaining for Tim.

The final thought to go through Tim's mind that night as he lay on the woman's bed was the astoundment at just how many Fruit Pastels the woman had managed to get inside her.

---

Two weeks later, and our Tim is sat in front of his GP with a very sore throat.

"Have you been partaking in Oral Sex Tim" asks the Doctor.

"Sort of....." - Says Tim

Reluctantly Tim begins to explain the consumption of vagina tainted Fruit Pastels to his GP, the GP's face seems to grimace slightly as the story unfolds.

"Well, I'm sorry to Tell you this Tim - but you have contracted Herpes...."

"What??? oh god..." says Tim

"Yes I'm afraid so, I think you'll find that in addition to the fruit pastels you consumed, you were also eating Herpes Clusters that had formed on the inside of the young Lady's genitals"

-----

I don't need to go any further - at this point, I had already thrown up after hearing this for the first time.

I guess the moral of the story is never to eat sweets from Strangers.

Written By
(Oobla, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 12:54, 11 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

POST LONG SHIT IN TEH REPLIES
Internetz fail.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 12:56, Reply)

Hi Tim, how's the throat now?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 12:57, Reply)

Also
Why do people write their name on the bottom of posts when I can see their name right underneath

Wrote by
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 12:57, Reply)

Nice story
But I did a bolk in my mouth
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:01, Reply)

I've heard it with starburst
Still pretty mingin' though.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:07, Reply)

I should not have read this while eating my lunch.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:09, Reply)

If only it had been dolly mixture!
/obscure joke that no-one's going to get. Unless Donkey Gums/Wormulus/MM/anyone else who has been to CATG is about.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:13, Reply)

I read that as
"I've never had sex with a woman, but I've heard it's great."
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:16, Reply)

I prefer Nestlé Clusters.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:40, Reply)

Oh, and also,
it's "throes", not "throws".
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:41, Reply)

Amended!
Thanks
(Oobla, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:50, Reply)