Its not me
So I get email for this actor guy, because we have similar email addresses. He is being chased for payment for some heating repair work (in summer??) but they keep mailing me. I told them I'm me, not him, I keep forwarding his mail to him, no one ever replies to me, no one ever listens. So now I'm being threatened with court action blah blah.

So I changed the display name on my email to his name, and replied.

"Dear Sir

Ref: Your email dated June 30th 2009 regarding non payment for account xyz.

Screw you. I am a busy man. I do not appreciate being harrassed in this manner. How do you expect to me perform in Hamlet, alongside David Tennant and Patrick Stewart when I am constantly worring about my heating repair bills? This is unacceptable. I don't believe that Dr Who OR Captain Picard ever had to deal with pilot lights or valves and stuff.

I demand that you cease chasing me - so rudely - for payment. I am a an actor in case you didnt know and these piddly little distractions that you muggles seem so endlessly pre-occupied with are not helping. Not one bit. Stop it. Stop it now.

Yours

Thomas. (Actor).

PS. I've just decided I will not pay you now. Never ever. I've had enough. You can have all your stuff back.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:07, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HAHAHA!
If this is true, you're a grade 1 cunt.
And I fuckin' love you.
( Cawl, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:13, Reply)

*claps*
Well done you win the internet

(that sounds sarcastic, I am properly laughing)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Yeah,
Very much this!
( Cawl, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:18, Reply)

Is it who I think it is?
or have you changed the names/details?

You're brilliant, by the way.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:15, Reply)

You should have sent actor
an e-mail threatening to go to the papers if he doesn't stop being a pikey bastard and pay up. You could also contact equity and tell them you will go public with all his dirty little secrets if he doesn't sort it sharpish (seeing as the cunt doesn't listen).
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:16, Reply)

Very b3ta.

( thealternativefact, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:49, Reply)

What you meant to type was
This is what I wanted to write but chickened out and instead posted LIES on QotW to feel better about my autism.

Screenshot of your outbox with the message in it or it didn't happen.
( WormuIus, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:58, Reply)

Oh it's you...
strutting around and moaning about stuff.
( thealternativefact, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 17:00, Reply)

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 17:38, Reply)

This will be sublime forever.
100% FACT
( thealternativefact, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 17:41, Reply)

Evening mrs
How's you?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 17:41, Reply)

Eve Nin
I'm alright, ta. Whining about the heat because I am BRITISH.
How are you?
( thealternativefact, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 17:47, Reply)

I am hot and sweaty
but I just cleaned my car and I'm looking on the internet for a new bike. Enjoyed any groups of men spunking all over your face recently?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 17:51, Reply)

A hot and sweaty Al?
Lovely.
And no to your question, which is rather shame as it would be more fun than anything else I've done today.
( thealternativefact, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 17:52, Reply)

Boo
Maybe tomorrow?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 17:56, Reply)

*lives in hope*

( thealternativefact, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 17:58, Reply)

You might want to avoid contact lenses
I hear if it gets behind them it really stings.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 18:02, Reply)

Only hear?
Alright there Al - I'll believe ya...
( thealternativefact, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 18:03, Reply)

'Lo Nutface.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 1 Jul 2009, 17:37, Reply)